


The Family Series - Runaway/Family/Baby Makes Five/Candy Canes and Christmas Trees

by Calysta18



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Male Slash, Mpreg, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-22
Updated: 2017-02-22
Packaged: 2018-09-26 06:38:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 82,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9871871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Calysta18/pseuds/Calysta18
Summary: Deans run away from Sam





	1. Runaway

**Author's Note:**

> Stories all originally posted at Sam and Dean Archive which is now closed. Old stories with a nice new home! Posted as one story in four chapters. Hope you still enjoy

**LOST AND FOUND**

Dean stood naked in front of the long mirror and studied his profile. He ran his hand over his swollen belly not being able to believe that a child was growing within him that his body was nurturing a small life. Dean wasn't really sure but he reckoned that he was about seven and half months pregnant. He had been lucky - up until a month ago he hadn't really shown at all, the only sign that he was pregnant had been the child kicking him regularly in the ribs and bouncing up and down on his bladder. But now a month later he definitely looked heavily pregnant and it appeared as though he was concealing a round football within his body. His back hurt and he had noticed that his ankles had looked a little swollen for the last few weeks.

None of his jeans fitted anymore and he had taken to wearing sweat pants, long t-shirts or baggy shirts and bulky sweaters to hide his growing belly. Dean rubbed at the bump again as he turned away from the mirror. The biggest change he had made to his life was giving up hunting and he hadn't regretted it at all knowing that he had to protect his child from any injury he might have suffered while hunting. He had also made the decision to drop under the hunting radar. He had even thrown his cell phone away. Dean didn't want to be found by anyone.

He had read every book he could on pregnancy and soaked up as much knowledge as possible knowing that he couldn't go to a doctor or a hospital. Dean had even started to eat as healthily as he could even though he yearned for a double cheeseburger and fries nearly every week. Fortunately he hadn't had any weird food cravings which he was thankful for unless you counted eating chocolate chip ice-cream at 3.00 a.m. in the morning but for Dean the habit seemed normal. He had taken every precaution he could think of and had even given up his beloved coffee instead drinking tea which again he hated. But Dean knew he was on his own in this and made the sacrifices to safeguard the health of his unborn child.

The birth itself had been nagging at him and he had pushed his worries to the back of his mind ignoring them. But his body had decided to help him out and one morning two weeks ago when he had been in the shower Dean had discovered an opening where he hadn't had one before. Dean had seriously been freaked out nearly falling out of the shower and it had taken him over a hour to calm himself down. Once calm he had checked himself ten times more to make sure he hadn't been dreaming or imagining it. It still freaked him out but ever since his discovery Dean had read up on natural deliveries and had even forced himself to watch a video in full technicolour of an actual birth. The fact that he kept hiding behind the cushion he had on his lap to block out his view every now and again and that he had placed the teddy bear and rabbit he had bought his child next to him on the couch as moral support was something he was never going to admit to anyone. But now that he knew that the child wasn't going to have to be cut out of him Dean had convinced himself that he could handle the birth alone. He had read somewhere that women had babies on their own with no help in the jungles somewhere in the world and if they could do it so could he. He pushed all his nagging fears about complications to the back of his mind and ignored them. Dean Winchester had never backed away from a challenge in his life. Child birth would just be his greatest challenge and he was determined to do this alone. He desperately wanted their baby even if Sam didn't.

The child within him gave him a series of hard kicks and Dean gasped rubbing at his belly again. "You are so gonna have Sammy's big feet," he accused the bump. The thought of Sam made his stomach lurch and tears threatened. Dean cursed his wildly out of control hormones under his breath as he firmly pushed all thoughts of his brother out of his head. He pulled on some sweat pants, a shirt and a light sweater.

Dean wandered into the living room of the small cabin he had rented two weeks ago. The cabin was small but comfortable and fully furnished with a living room, a good-sized bedroom, a large bathroom and a small well equipped kitchen which served as a dining room as well.

Since leaving Sam he had been moving from state to state and motel to motel hustling pool and playing poker when he could. Dean had even taken a couple of short term jobs - all in an effort to save enough money for when he was too big to hustle pool or take a job. A month ago he had finally made enough money and decided to settle somewhere out of the way until after the birth of his child. Dean had aimlessly drifted along for another couple of hundred miles before finally deciding on the small cabin miles from the nearest town in the hills. Along the way Dean had stocked up with enough supplies to last four months and he was confident that he wouldn't be disturbed or found by anyone.

Dean leaned against the window frame and stared distractedly out of the window. He absently caressed his stomach in an effort to calm his unborn child. But the baby was having none of it and persisted in kicking him hard over and over. "Quit kicking kid," he chastised. "Give your Daddy a break."

Dean had never felt so lonely in his whole life and he sighed. He knew it was all his own fault. He had no-one to blame but himself but he convinced himself that it was best for everyone concerned. They could both move on with their lives separately.

Dean let his mind wander over the events of the past few months. He and Sam had been lovers for over six months finally admitting their feelings for one another after a particularly nasty hunt had nearly killed them both. They had fixed each other up and somehow had ended up in bed together. When they woke the next afternoon all their unspoken passion and desire erupted and they fell on each other spending the rest of the day and night in bed making love over and over. They had shared a bed ever since and somewhere along the way there had been an unspoken commitment made to each other. They were silly in love with each other and Dean had never been happier and he suspected that Sam felt the same.

Dean wasn't sure how he had been able to get pregnant and he hadn't really questioned it having seen more than his fair share of weird and wonderful things in his life. He could hardly contain his excitement when he found out. Dean had been feeling sick for a few weeks but he had hidden the fact from Sam convincing himself that it was just a bug he had picked up. One morning when the sickness and nausea had gotten almost unbearable on impulse he had bought a home pregnancy kit while Sam had been researching at the library. Somehow Dean had known without looking at the little plus sign that he was pregnant. He had felt pregnant whatever that meant.

He hadn't told Sam right away. He didn't really know how to break the news so a few days later when they were on the road Dean had brought up the subject of children. Dean was so convinced that his brother would feel the same about a child as he did that he had nearly driven off the road when Sam admitted that he didn't want children ever. Dean had managed to control himself burying his feelings as he always did deep within himself and carried on as though nothing was wrong. Sam hadn't seemed to notice and Dean quickly changed the subject but inside he felt desperate and frightened not knowing what he was going to do. He was terrified and pregnant with a lover that didn't want children.

Not knowing what to do and still terrified Dean did the only thing he could think of. That night after they had settled in a motel Dean had slipped out of their bed, left Sam some money, taken the Impala and run off into the night. And he had been running ever since. But Sam was always with him. He loved his brother with an intensity that sometimes took his breath away. He couldn't get Sam out of his heart or mind and presumed it was his punishment for deserting his brother without a word. He had thought they were forever but as usual Dean Winchester wasn't meant to have any love or happiness in his life. Just misery and loneliness. Dean could feel the tears stinging at his eyes and he cursed the pregnancy hormones again but knew that they weren't responsible for all the tears.

Dean shook away his memories and stared back out of the window. Being miserable and lonely didn't change anything. Dean loved Sam. But Sam didn't want children. So he wouldn't want Dean. He absently stroked his stomach trying to feel the child they had made with their love for each other within him. "Give us a kick," he whispered to his stomach. Dean had been talking to his bump for weeks and surprisingly he didn't feel stupid at all - it somehow made him feel close to their child. "Show me I'm not alone." Dean winced but managed a small smile as the child in his belly complied with his request not once but several times.

**A week later .......**

Dean wasn't feeling as confident as he had been a week ago. He paced around the cabin. He was uncomfortable and restless and had been for over a day and a half. His back ached and for the last two days Dean had felt like he had a ball wedged between his legs. Dean had immediately grabbed for his well thumbed pregnancy book and scanned the pages searching for a reason. He had read with mounting horror that it was likely that the baby had turned in preparation for the birth. "So may be seven and a half months was a little out," Dean mumbled to himself as he paced trying to work out in his head how pregnant he had been when he had first found out. He gave up after his fifth circuit of the living room.

He hadn't slept well and that morning he had woken to small stabbing twinges across his belly and even a warm relaxing bath hadn't released any of his tension. All his confidence about doing it alone had immediately disappeared and panic was starting to set in. Dean was terrified and all the doubts and fears that he had pushed to the back of his mind bounced around his head frightening him even more. Dean rubbed at his belly as the child gave him a kick. "It's OK baby," Dean soothed. "Daddy's here."

He was distracted by the sound of a vehicle. Dean moved slowly to the window and stared in horror as a familiar figure emerged from the four-wheeled jeep. Sam had found him. His brother's timing really sucked he thought to himself as he stepped away from the window grabbing for his sweater.

Dean knew that he couldn't hide from his brother so he decided to concentrate on the small stabbing pains he was feeling at the moment. That way he could keep his emotions in check and hopefully get Sam to leave. Dean sighed knowing that he was going to have to make Sam angry, so angry that he would leave. And he knew it would probably hurt Sam but he didn't want his brother staying with him out of pity or some misplaced sense of duty. Sam didn't want children and Dean decided that repeating the words over and over in his head would make things easier. His own hurt he would deal with later burying it deep within him. Dean steeled himself against the pain of driving Sam out of his life forever. He moved slowly towards the door and the one person that he loved more than anything in the whole world.

Sam marched up to the cabin door. His anger and fury gave him confidence. It had taken him months to track his brother down. Once he had gotten over the aching hurt within his heart Sam had moved onto to angry and he had gotten angrier and angrier with every mile he travelled following leads here and there as he criss-crossed five counties in search of Dean. His brother had dropped completely out of the hunting scene something that still confused Sam. But he had still tried every hunter he knew without success. Even Bobby hadn't heard from Dean. Determined Sam had driven from state to state asking everyone he met if they had seen Dean. He had a lucky break a week ago when he showed Dean's picture to the owner of a diner. Sam had been surprised to learn that Dean had been employed there for a month and the owner had nothing but praise for his brother's work and had been sad to see him leave. But at last Sam had a solid lead which he followed with a resoluteness that threatened to overwhelm him. Two more people recognised Dean's picture and one of them directed him to the owner of the cabin his brother was renting.

Sam had tried to convince himself in the darkness of his motel rooms that he hated Dean but the honest truth was that he loved Dean more than anything in the world. He needed him in his life, couldn't live without his brother and he knew, deep down, that Dean felt the same. Sam was totally confused as to why Dean had left him alone. He needed to know. It was love as well as anger that drove him on and his patience and dogged determination had finally paid off. Sam had found Dean.

Sam banged on the cabin door knowing exactly what he was going to say to his brother. He had rehearsed his speech as he had driven mile after mile. The door swung open. Before Dean could react Sam shoved his brother backwards into the cabin before he had the door slammed in his face. Sam pushed at his brother again suddenly so angry that he didn't notice anything different about Dean his rehearsed speech going completely out of his mind. Dean stumbled but managed to keep himself on his feet. "Why the hell did you leave?" Sam growled. "I thought I meant more to you than that. I thought I was important to you."

"And hello to you too," Dean replied caustically as he regained his balance. He lay his hand across his belly protectively. Sam hadn't seemed to notice his belly as Dean had hidden it under his baggy sweater. Dean could see that his brother was angry, his body vibrating with fury as he paced the small living room. Dean decided to use Sam's anger against him. The thought made him feel sick and Dean closed his eyes briefly at the ache in his heart at seeing his brother again. He wanted to reach out and touch Sam but he pushed the urge down and concentrated on the small stabbing twinges across his stomach. The pain wasn't bad just uncomfortable and Dean concentrated on it focussing his mind on the job he had to do, for Sam's sake.

"What the hell does that mean?" Sam yelled angrily as he paced around the small living room not looking at Dean. "Dean. You owe me an explanation for your crappy behaviour," Sam shouted again as he turned to glare at his brother. It was then that Sam got his first good look at Dean. His mouth dropped open in shock and his anger immediately disintegrated as his eyes fell on Dean's swollen belly. "You're..... you're....," Sam couldn't seem to get the words out. He waved a hand at Dean's stomach.

"Yeah put on a bit of weight," Dean said sarcastically. "I so must cut out the doughnuts."

Sam glared at his brother. "How? When?" Sam stammered unsure of what to say. He hadn't known what to expect but never in a million years did he expect to find his brother heavily pregnant.

"Dude. I thought we had this talk.... when you were ten," Dean said. "I thought you were the smart one. Guess I was wrong." He turned and leant against the back of the couch.

Sam glared at him again. His anger was growing within him again and he wanted to strike outwards at his brother.  "So when were you gonna tell me?" he spat angrily. "When our kid was leaving for college?"

"What makes you think it's our kid?" Dean said as calmly as he could although his heart was pounding in his chest and he felt sick again. He felt their child kick as if protesting the lie. Dean bit his lip against the groan that threatened hoping that Sam hadn't noticed.

Sam was too shocked by Dean's words to notice that his brother shifted slightly and grimaced. Instead he shot Dean a confused look which was full of anguish. "You... and me. We..... I ..... I thought," he waved his hand absently at Dean's stomach again. "We.... we.... well you know," Sam floundered with his words and for once in his life didn't know how to say what he meant. Sam' s anger turned to confusion and hurt at his brother's nonchalant attitude.

"You thought the kid was yours," Dean answered for Sam. He forced his emotions down inside him and hid himself behind his old walls, barriers that he had spent years carefully constructing. Walls that he had allowed Sam to break down piece by piece as they had fallen deeper and deeper in love. Walls that he had been unconsciously rebuilding the moment Sam had told him that he didn't want children. "Well it's not," Dean growled.

"I don't understand," Sam murmured.

Dean shrugged. This was the moment. The moment he was going to hurt Sam, the love of his life. But at the back of his mind Dean heard Sam's words about not wanting children ever. They taunted and mocked him every waking moment. And today they made him steel his heart against the pain of hurting Sam. "After I split I needed some cash. There was no-where to hustle pool and couldn't find a poker game. So," he shrugged again. "I whored myself and this," he patted his belly. "Is the result."

Sam stared at Dean speechless for a moment. "I don't believe you," he accused. "You'd never do that." He bit at his lip willing the threatened tears away.

"I don't care whether you believe me or not," Dean interrupted ignoring the tears he could see glistening in Sam's eyes. "I did. More than once. And I got myself six hundred bucks. Not too shabby for one night's work. Used my hand a couple of times, my mouth on one guy ... and oh yeah," Dean forced out a cocky grin. "A couple of guys took me up the ass." Sam stared at his brother in horror not believing what he was hearing. Dean stared back steadily holding Sam's glare not flinching away. He wanted to reach out and touch Sam and take away the look of anguish in his brother's eyes, wipe away his tears but he knew he had to be strong even though he felt numb inside at his own words. The pain in his belly was nothing compared to the growing pain in his heart at every hurtful word he forced out of his mouth. Dean placed his hand on his stomach and absently rubbed the action soothing him. "Only downside is my fat belly," Dean managed to say calmly.

Sam just continued to stare at Dean. His brother's expression was unreadable as usual and it frustrated him. "Who's the father?" Sam eventually asked although he knew the answer already. When Sam had first seen Dean he had hoped that he was the father. But Dean had dashed all his hopes and Sam could feel the anger rising within him again. His emotions were in a jumble see-sawing from anger to hurt and back again. And at this moment he could honestly say that he hated his brother.

Dean shrugged again. "Wasn't really looking at faces at the time. We screwed. They paid. I left."

Sam closed his eyes against the cruel words still not able to believe that his brother had sold his body for money. He took a deep calming breath. "What about the child?" he finally managed to ask.

"What about the child?" Dean cocked his head to one side. The child within him kicked again and he pressed his hand to his stomach trying to calm his baby with touch. The child kicked again in protest and Dean presumed that the baby was probably reacting to his inner turmoil.

"What are you gonna do?" Sam snapped. "Do you have any help? You know for the... the birth?" he stammered.

"Yeah," Dean nodded. "Bobby's sending me someone in a month or so to help cut the kid out of me."

Sam missed the lie completely as he was trying desperately to keep himself in control. He had never felt so angry in his life and he was fighting back the tears that threatened. "Then what?" he said angrily. "You gonna leave it under a bush. Or at someone's door?"

"Haven't really thought about it," Dean answered. "But I do know when I get it outta me I am gonna get me the biggest cup of coffee ever. May be two or three. As well as a double cheeseburger the size of Kansas with two helpings of fries," Dean snapped back. "Then it's back to the hunt for me."

"You bastard," Sam yelled his anger finally getting the best of him. "I loved you. I thought you loved me. But as usual Dean does what Dean wants and to hell with everybody else." He stepped closer to his brother wanting Dean to feel the hurt he was feeling inside. "You got what you deserved but... but I pity the poor kid." Sam glared at his brother as the hurt bubbled up inside of him. "You're nothing but a dirty cheap whore," he snarled.

Dean flinched slightly at the words but knew after what he had said to Sam he deserved all his brother's rage and hate. He folded his arms resting them on the top of his bump. "Whatever," he said coolly levelling his best bored look at Sam.

Sam narrowed his eyes at Dean feeling a sense of victory at the small flinch he had caused which immediately turned to guilt. Sam shook his head. "I don't know why I ever bothered with you," he snapped turning away from his brother. "I gave my life up for you."

"So go get it back," Dean snapped back goading his brother to leave. He needed Sam to leave before his resolve dissolved and he begged his brother to stay with him. Dean could feel himself wavering, could feel the threatened tears but the thought of being a burden to Sam spurred him on. "I'm sure your stuffed shirt Stanford buddies are waiting to welcome you back."

"Oh I intend to," Sam replied. He turned back to his brother fury glinting in his eyes. Without thinking what he was doing Sam raised his hand and slapped Dean hard across the face. Dean reeled but managed to stay on his feet. The sound of the slap seemed to reverberate around the room as skin smacked skin. It shocked Sam a little and he stepped back staring down at his hand as though it didn't belong to him. He really wanted to punch Dean over and over but he couldn't bring himself to hit his pregnant brother again. "I hope you and your bastard kid rot in hell," Sam yelled instead giving Dean one last glare before turning his back on his brother and slamming out of the cabin.

Dean raised his hand to his face and rubbed at the now reddening skin. He stared at the closed door as he let the misery he felt wash over him. Dean closed his eyes as he heard the sound of the jeep's engine roaring into life and being revved by an obviously angry Sam. Bit at his lip as he heard the sound of the vehicle screeching down the roadway that led back to civilisation.

Dean let out a choked sob as a solitary tear ran down his face. His heart was broken. He had driven Sam away and no amount of convincing himself that he had done it for all the right reasons could get away from that fact that he would always love his brother. Dean felt like his life was over.

The child gave him a hard kick reminding him he had something else to live for. Dean flinched at the severity of the kick. "Sorry baby," Dean soothed rubbing a hand across his belly. "I had to say all those crappy things. Your other Daddy doesn't want us."

Dean went to move towards the kitchen but had to grab for a chair and hold onto his stomach as a sudden sharp pain blossomed throughout his belly. He tried to breathe through it but only managed a groan instead. As the pain subsided Dean straightened and it took him a few minutes to calm himself all the while he kept his arm across his belly. He glanced downwards as a weird sensation rose up within him. Dean stared in morbid fascination as the front of his light grey sweat pants slowly turned a darker shade of grey and became uncomfortably damp. From all his reading and pregnancy research Dean guessed his waters had just broken. "You can do this," he chanted to himself as he felt another pain rise up within him. Dean spread his legs slightly and groaned as the contraction hit him the waves of pain coursing through his body. The pain was intensifying and Dean could no longer kid himself - he was in labour.

**DELIVERY**

Sam didn't know where he was going. He was just going. Far away. Far away from Dean. Away from the love of his life. Tears blurred his vision as he drove down the hillside like a maniac not caring if he hit a tree or a rock or anything. The jeep lurched down the pot-holed track swerving from side to side as Sam managed somehow to hit every hole or rough bit of ground in his path. But he didn't care. He was running away just like Dean had. Sam managed somehow to get to the end of the road without hitting anything. Swiping at his tears Sam looked left and right as he tried to decide which way to go. He didn't really care so he indicated and chose left.

Sam put his foot down on the accelerator not caring what speed he was driving at or where he was going. Anger and hurt washed over him in waves as the scenery flashed by in a green and brown blur but Sam didn't notice as he pressed his foot down on the accelerator again. He had to get away from Dean. Tears still filled his eyes and he swiped at them again angrily letting them fall down his face unchecked. Dean hated him. Had never loved or needed him. Had whored himself out for money and somehow gotten pregnant.

Sam drove in a daze on autopilot for over an hour. He felt completely numb not being able to believe it. But nagging doubts swirled around his brain making him feel dizzy. He felt deep down that he was missing something, something important. Sam concentrated hard trying to grasp the elusive thoughts that seemed just out of reach. He growled in frustration. It was like a word you knew that was just on the tip of your tongue but you couldn't remember or recall it.

Sam slewed to a stop at the side of the road ignoring the loud blast from the horn of the car behind him. He closed his eyes, drew in deep breaths and racked his brain for what was nagging at him. It was driving him insane. He leant his head forwards onto the steering wheel. He needed to calm down and clear his head of the anger and hurt. Sam took deep breaths and relaxed letting his random thoughts scramble around his brain while he tried desperately to make sense of the confusing jumble. And out of the blue it hit him like a lightning bolt. Sam jerked up his eyes wide open and dry his tears having dried on his face.

Sam scrunched up his face in thought. All the little clues came flooding into his head and Sam cursed himself for his blindness. His rage and hurt feelings had gotten in the way and blinded him to the obvious. Dean had been trying to push him away, trying to protect him. And for the life of him Sam couldn't think of the reason why. He banged his head on the steering wheel over and over chastising himself again for his stupidity and short-sightedness.

The memories flooded his brain and he gave a little groan at each reminder of his stupidity. Sam remembered noticing it but in his anger and fury had pushed it to the back of his mind. Dean had been wearing the unreadable expression on his face, the one he hadn't seen since they had become lovers. Lovers. Sam groaned again at the thought. Dean loved him and would never in a million years cheat on him. And now he was calmer he knew in his heart that Dean needed him. Sam had never been loved the way Dean loved him. It wasn't all hearts, roses and violins instead it was a more subtle love, deep, honest and abiding. And he had accused Dean of being a whore. Sam cringed at the cruel words he had hurled at his brother.

His brother had also lied about Bobby. He had only spoken to their friend a day ago and Bobby hadn't seen or heard from Dean for months. Bobby had sounded worried and Sam knew that their friend hadn't been lying to him. Sam screwed up his eyes and tried to picture Dean in his head. Sam blew out a long breath. The last clue - Dean didn't hate his baby. The Dean he loved would never hate a child and talk about it as though it meant nothing. His brother had even given up his beloved coffee and greasy food so he had obviously been looking after himself and all the while they had been arguing Dean had been stroking his belly as if trying to comfort the child within him. "You are so stupid Sam Winchester," he chastised himself as he banged his head on the steering wheel again and then once again for good measure. Sam groaned again as he remembered hitting Dean across the face. It was official. Sam Winchester was a fool. And Sam Winchester hated himself.

Sam took a deep breath knowing exactly what he was going to do. He owed Dean a barrel load of apologies for ever doubting him. His anger had stopped him listening to what his brother was really saying. "You suck," Sam said out loud as he took a deep breath. Feeling better than he had for months Sam started the jeep again. Looking left and right, he swerved into the road driving back the way he had come. Sam knew deep down inside him that Dean was carrying their child and he was going to make his stubborn stupid brother tell him the truth. He loved Dean and wasn't going to let his brother push him away ever again. But what really confused Sam was why Dean had lied to him and determined he was going to find that out as well. Or his name wasn't Samuel Winchester.

**An hour later .......**

It was the longest hour of his life and all the time Sam had spent it talking out loud as he called himself every rotten name he could think of and berating himself for his cruel words and hoping with all his heart that Dean would forgive him. And with each mile he drove his anger slowly diminished until all that was left was his love for Dean.

At the top of the rough track Sam threw the jeep into park and pushed the door open hurriedly. Slamming the door behind him Sam jogged up to the cabin door. He tried the handle to find the door was locked. Sam banged on the door with his fist. "Dean," he shouted. " It's Sam," he rattled the door handle. "Don't be an asshole," he banged on the door again. "And let me in." Silence.

Sam stepped back. "Stubborn asshole," he mumbled to himself as he kicked outwards, his boot hitting the lock with a resounding crash. The door swung open on his first kick and Sam burst into the living room.

"You lied to me Dean," Sam pointed an accusing finger at Dean who was hanging on to the back of the one of chairs, one arm across his stomach. "And you are damn well gonna tell me why."

Dean had heard Sam banging on the door but had been unable to move as he was in the middle of a contraction. He couldn't help feeling relieved at the sight of Sam bursting into the room like a human tornado. For the last two hours he had been pacing up and down to distract himself from the pains he was experiencing. Dean had even prepared the bedroom but hadn't worked up the courage to lay down on the bed unconsciously trying to put off the inevitable. The contractions were getting stronger and stronger each time and Dean was terrified. His terror eased off a little. Sam was here. Sam would know what to do. "Kinda busy right now Sammy," Dean gasped out as another contraction hit him. He bent over slightly trying to breathe through the pain.

Sam stared in horror at his brother. He could see from the look on Dean's face that his brother was in pain. "Oh my God," Sam ran towards his brother. "Are you OK?" he asked stupidly.

Dean rolled his eyes despite the pain he was feeling. "Does it look like I'm OK?" he snapped irritated between gasps.

"Are you in labour?" Sam asked again cursing himself for the stupid question. He hovered around Dean not knowing where or if to touch his brother.

"What do you think Einstein?" Dean snarked.

"I thought you said you were a month off," Sam said. "You said you were a month away." Sam could feel panic rising within him and he pushed it down. He hadn't expected to find Dean in labour and he didn't know what to do.

"Well I was wrong," Dean admitted sheepishly as he tried to give Sam a small smile but it came out as a grimace as pain lanced through his belly. He hugged his arm across his stomach tighter.

"How long have you been in labour?" Sam asked trying to sound more confident than he felt. "Have you looked at your watch?"

"Dude. I'm in labour and you wanna know the time," Dean snapped as he tried to straighten up. "Or have you got a hot date or something?"

"No," Sam snapped back. "I meant for the contractions. How far apart are they?" he asked as calmly as he could. He glanced down at his own watch noting the time.

"Don't know," Dean replied unhelpfully. "But they damn well hurt. Does that count?" Dean started to move slowly towards the bedroom knowing that he couldn't put the inevitable off any longer. He was about to give birth to their child.

Sam rolled his eyes at his brother. He hurried after his brother placing his hand under Dean's elbow, an offer that his brother didn't refuse and Sam couldn't help smiling to himself. Just may be they stood a chance of being together and for the first time in months Sam felt happy. Terrified but happy. On entering the bedroom Sam took a quick look around the room amazed at the amount of baby stuff Dean had obviously purchased for their child. There was a pile of clothing, diapers, bottles and other stuff necessary for the care of a small baby piled haphazardly on the top of one dresser. The other dresser held a small wicker bassinet with a teddy bear and rabbit sitting together on the pale yellow blanket. Next to the bassinet was some more folded blankets and a colourful wooden teddy bear mobile made up and ready for hanging over the bassinet. On the floor was a baby carrier/car seat as well as a folded down buggy.

The bed itself had been stripped of all its bedding and replaced with several layers of older looking sheets. Several pillows and cushions had been piled at the top of the bed obviously for support. A large first aid kit had been placed on the bedside table and there was a pile of towels at the bottom of the bed as well as a bowl, bucket and some gallon containers of water. Sam's mouth dropped open. His brother had thought of everything and it was obvious that he had been going to give birth alone with no help. "You were going to do this alone?" Sam said not able to keep the horror out of his voice.

Dean glanced sideways at Sam. "Had no-one to ask," he replied simply with a small shrug.

Sam pushed down his feelings of guilt at the thought of his brother going through labour and delivery alone with no help. Sam helped Dean over to the bed. "Well you've got me now," Sam said determined to be as supportive as he could. He would not let Dean down ever again.

Dean gave him a small smile as he lay down and rolled onto his side hugging his stomach. "I'll be OK," he murmured stubbornly.

Sam snorted. "Well tough shit," he said just as stubbornly. "I'm staying." Sam knelt on the other side of the bed. "And at the moment you're in no condition to kick me out," he leant forward and began to rub his hand in small circles on Dean's back pleased when his brother didn't flinch away from his touch and in fact leaned into his caress. Sam smiled to himself again.

"I could still take you," Dean quipped. Sam's warm hand on his back soothed him, made him feel safe and secure. It also eased the aching in his back and he sighed pleased.

"I'd like to see you try," Sam snorted as he continued to caress Dean's back.

"How did you know?" Dean muttered as he rubbed at his belly distractedly.

Sam let out a long sigh. "Because I know you're not the heartless bastard you like people to think you are," Sam said cocking his head to one side. "And when I thought about it. Really thought about it. Got my head outta my stupid ass. I realised that all the time you were talking to me you were rubbing your belly. Just like you're doing now," he leaned forwards slightly watching Dean's hand slide across his stomach. "And you seemed to be taking care of yourself. Not eating burgers or drinking coffee. And you would never hate a child. Never."

"You're smarter than you look," Dean teased.

"And I also know that you would never cheat on me," Sam said firmly. "This child is ours," he leant down and whispered in his brother's ear. "Isn't it?" Sam already knew the answer but he wanted Dean to admit the truth.

Dean sighed. He nodded slightly. "Yeah," he confessed. "But you don't have to stay. It's OK," he croaked out. He desperately wanted Sam to stay with him but he had to give his brother the option to leave. Dean couldn't bear the thought of Sam staying out of pity or some misplaced duty to him.

"Why wouldn't I want to stay?" Sam asked confused. He sensed that this was the moment he would find out why Dean had been pushing him away earlier with his hurtful and cruel words.

"You don't want kids," Dean mumbled. He could feel tears welling up and he bit at his lip.

"I don't," Sam said surprised. "Who told you that?" He could feel his brother's body tense and he continued to move his hand gently in circles on Dean's back willing him to relax.

Dean awkwardly rolled half onto his back and looked up at Sam. Sam could see a million emotions flashing through his brother's expressive eyes. Pain, hurt, fear and misery were all there, mixed together. "You said so when I asked you," Dean accused softly.

Sam crinkled his brow thinking hard. "I never...," he started to say before it suddenly dawned on him and he remembered their conversation in the Impala before Dean had left. "You mean when we were talking that afternoon before.... before you up and left?" he asked gently. "Is that why you left?"

Dean turned away from Sam. He nodded slightly as a tear escaped. "You said you didn't want kids ever," Dean managed to choke out. "And I was already pregnant. I was so.... so scared," he admitted. "So I just ran. So.... so me and the kid wouldn't be a burden to you."

"Oh Dean," Sam sighed as he wiped the tear from his brother's face. "You stupid idiot." Dean pulled a face at Sam and turned away again angry. "I thought you were asking.... you had been so quiet for days. Dude I thought you were being all insecure... thinking that I would leave you again," Sam explained. He pulled Dean's face back towards him. "I thought you were asking in your usual weird Dean-like way if I was staying with you. So I just said that to let you know I wanted you and no-one else." Sam blew out a long breath. " How was I to know that we could have kids together?"

Dean stared at Sam searching his brother's face for a hint of a lie or untruth. Sam held his gaze not flinching. This was important and Dean had to know how he felt. He loved Dean and he hoped that his brother loved him. Sam also made a mental note to listen to what Dean wasn't saying in the future. Dean continued to stare at Sam and could see the love his brother felt for him reflected in his light brown eyes. He gave a small nod. "I'm sorry Sammy," he whispered. "For being such an asshole. For being stupid. For .... for not telling you. And.... and for being cruel today. I just.... just," his words suddenly dried up.

"Ssshhh. It's OK," Sam soothed as he caressed his hand across Dean's back again. "We were both stupid assholes. And today we both said stuff we didn't mean. Me mostly," Sam cringed again at the words he had screamed at Dean. "I accused you of being a whore. And you're not. You've never been one and you never will be," he said quietly. "I love you. And I am so sorry."

"I know," Dean murmured. "I know you didn't mean it Sammy."

Sam breathed a sigh of relief. Dean believed him and he knew deep down that his brother forgave him, had probably forgiven him immediately the words were out of his mouth. But Sam knew that it would take much longer for him to forgive himself but it was a start. "Do you love me?" Sam had to know. He knew it was selfish but he had to hear Dean say it out loud. "Because I love you Dean. So much. I need you. Want to be with you forever. Just you and me.... and our child."

"Yes," Dean said firmly as the weight in his heart lightened for the first time in months. Sam loved him. Wanted children with him. He had been so stupid and had spent months being miserable when he could have been happy with his brother enjoying his pregnancy. Dean blew out a breath. "I love you. Love you so much. Need you. For always." Dean squeezed his eyes shut as he felt the pain rise within him again. The contractions were getting stronger. He clenched and unclenched his fists as he tensed his body and gasped. "Kinda hating you right now though," Dean joked through gritted teeth.

Sam snorted lightly. He glanced down at his watch. Five minutes since the last contraction. Sam didn't know anything about labour but guessed that things would start getting interesting pretty quickly. "Just breathe Dean," he encouraged. Sam stood up and quickly poured some of the water into the bowl. He soaked one of the smaller towels and hurried around the bed so he could face Dean. He perched on the edge of the bed grabbing for his hand. With his free hand Sam gently wiped the sweat from Dean's forehead with the damp towel. Dean clutched Sam's hand tightly and struggled to breathe through the pain trying to concentrate on his brother's soothing tone and his gentle caresses. Dean tried to remember what he had read in his pregnancy book about breathing but the pain made everything blurry and his mind was a blank so Dean gave up and just listened to Sam's voice. The pain gradually faded and he released his hold of Sam's hand slightly but not completely.

Sam felt Dean relax as the pain passed and he relaxed too. He ran the damp towel through his brother's short hair and down his neck. Dean sighed pleased at the coolness of the towel. It was then that Sam noticed the bruise on Dean's face and he hated himself a little bit more. "Did I do that?" Sam whispered as he caressed the bruised skin with his long fingers.

Dean saw the look of guilt flit across his brother's face and was desperate to wipe it off Sam's face and out of his heart. "It's OK," Dean reached up and grabbed Sam's fingers kissing each one in turn. "You were just mad. I deserved it for what I said to you. OK?"

Sam stared at his brother seeing forgiveness in the pale eyes and loved Dean a little more if that was possible. He gave a small nod. "OK," he muttered reluctantly as he continued to caress Dean's face softly. Sam had an idea what he had to do and he wasn't sure he was up to the job but he wasn't going to let his brother down now. "I'm not sure I can cut you open," Sam admitted as he bit at his lip anxiously.

"You won't have to," Dean assured softly with a small chuckle. "This kid is coming out the old fashioned way. Legs apart ..... and lots of pushing," he quipped. He groaned and clung onto his stomach as another contraction overwhelmed him. Dean buried his head in the pillows and tightened his grip of Sam's hand again.

"You're kidding. Right?" Sam squeaked as he glanced down at his watch again. Four minutes.

"No," Dean groaned his curses muffled by the pillow.

It took a while for the words to sink completely in. "You mean.... you mean," Sam waved a hand at Dean a look of macabre fascination crossing his face despite the seriousness of the situation.

"Yeah," Dean answered amused at the incredulous look on Sam's face. He smothered the urge to giggle. "Got all the bits somehow. Don't ask me how. My body did it all on its own. And for the record it still freaks me out big time."

"Right," Sam said as the information finally sunk in. "Perhaps... perhaps I should have a look.... down there," he said nervously looking at his brother for permission. He threw the towel into the bowl and sluiced some of the water over his hands drying them on a clean towel.

"Knock yourself out," Dean agreed although he flushed bright red at the thought of Sam looking at his new opening and he cringed with embarrassment.

Sam carefully helped Dean roll onto his back. As he rolled Dean's t-shirt slipped up to reveal his swollen belly. Sam stared at his brother's stomach in awe. Their child was inside, so close, and Sam reached out his hand hovering nervously over the naked skin. He was unsure about touching Dean not wanting to cause him any more pain. Dean startled him slightly as he took hold of his hand laying it on his belly. Dean's skin was warm and soft and Sam smiled up at his brother. Dean returned the smile. Dean tensed suddenly as another contraction assailed his body and he moaned in pain. Sam instinctively caressed the swollen belly trying to comfort his brother through the contraction. It was a weird as well as beautiful sensation as he felt his brother's body contract and Sam resisted the temptation to press his hand harder against the skin in an effort to feel their child. As the pain slowly abated Dean panted slightly to get himself under control.

After a few minutes Sam reluctantly pulled his hand away glancing down at his watch once more. Three minutes. "Back to business," he murmured to himself. In an effort to put off the inevitable moment Sam unnecessarily fussed and fiddled with the pillows pumping them up behind his brother's back for a few minutes. They had been lovers for over six months and had seen each other naked and in various positions many many times and Sam was at a loss to explain his current embarrassment at looking at Dean's nether regions. Dean startled him out of his musings with an annoyed growl.

"Sammy," Dean growled as he lay his head back against the pillows. He was tired, irritable, hot and could feel the sweat running down his back. "Any time before the kid goes to college." Now that Dean knew that Sam was going to look at his nether regions he wanted it over and done with.

"Sorry," Sam apologised and moved slowly to the bottom of the bed. He quickly removed Dean's sneakers throwing them to one side and then gently pulled at this brother's sweat pants removing them and tossing them to the floor. Dean groaned as he lifted his hips up awkwardly to help before drawing his knees upwards. With quick look at his brother Sam carefully pushed his brother's legs apart and peered downwards.

"Well?" Dean asked impatiently as he pushed himself up onto his elbows staring at his brother as Sam's head disappeared between his spread legs. "What do you see?"

Sam didn't have a clue what he was doing or what he was supposed to be looking at. It just felt right to him somehow. Sam shrugged as he looked back up to his brother. "I haven't a clue," he reluctantly admitted as he looked back down.

"Quit staring at my.... my bits," Dean snapped irritably. He closed his spread legs and flopped back against the pillows. "Your head and your.... your other bits between my legs got us into this mess in the first place," Dean waved a hand absently in the general direction of Sam's groin.

"Dude. I never heard you complaining," Sam protested huffily. "And this is my first time delivering a baby." He glared at Dean angrily.

Dean sighed and grabbed for a large book on the bedside table. "Here," he thrust it at Sam. "Look in here."

Sam accepted the book and flicked through the well thumbed pages noting that there was a total of sixteen chapters and eight hundred pages starting with conception and ending with birth. "Dean. I haven't got time to read all this," he said.

Dean groaned in exasperation. "Just the last chapter Sammy," he instructed patiently. "You were there for the first chapter.... and I think you can skip the others and move right on to the end."

"Oh OK," Sam blushed cursing himself for his foolishness although he still failed to see what he could learn in a few minutes from a book. Sam perched on the end of the bed, the book in his lap scanning the pages of the last chapter. He absently stroked at one of Dean's legs as he skimmed the gist of the chapter.

Dean smiled to himself as he watched his brother studying the book with the most serious look on his face that Dean had ever seen. Every now and again Sam bit at a nail nervously as he flicked the pages backwards and forwards. God he loved him so much. Sam's hand absently rubbing his leg anchored him as he tried to ignore the pain that insisted on making a repeat performance. Dean squeezed his eyes closed as he clutched at his belly panting hard against the blossoming pain.  As before the hurt gradually faded but Dean reckoned the pains were now much longer in duration than before and were definitely coming faster and faster and closer and closer. "Sammy," Dean gasped.

"Mmmm," Sam murmured distracted as he studied one of the pictures in the book.

"Sammy," Dean repeated a bit louder to get his brother's attention. He nudged Sam with his foot. "I feel weird," he confessed.

"Weird how?" Sam looked up from the book.

"Just weird," Dean rolled his eyes in frustration.

"Weird isn't in the book," Sam teased trying to calm himself and quell the panic that he felt rising inside him again. He laid the book on the bed trying to flick through the pages and read quickly preparing himself for the inevitable. He was about to help Dean deliver their child.

"Forget the damned book," Dean snarled as he kicked the book onto the floor.

"It was your idea," Sam retorted.

Dean scowled. "My .... my body has other ideas," he puffed as he raised himself slightly up and forwards spreading his legs as wide as he could. "Oh God. I gotta push," Dean announced as an intense pain spread across his stomach. The weird sensation and urge to push was so great that Dean couldn't stop it even if he tried. "I think our kid wants out.... and now," he groaned loud and long as he bore down, his muscles quivering with the effort.

"It's OK Dean," Sam said with more confidence than he felt. He hated seeing Dean in pain and wished there was more that he could do. "I'm here," he soothed as he knelt at the end of the bed. He glanced downwards still not able to see anything. He gave Dean an encouraging smile. Dean tried to return the smile but it came out as a grimace. The urge to push stopped as suddenly as it started and he sunk back into the pillows panting to get his breath back. He had just got his breath back when the urge to push overwhelmed him again. Dean leant forwards again scrunching up his face and pushed again. He cried out at the effort. "It hurts," Dean cried. "Make it stop Sammy," he pleaded.

Sam bit at his lips hating to see his brother in pain. "Push against me," he gently lifted Dean's feet up placing them against his body. "Let me take some of the strain," he offered softly. Dean bit at his lip and nodded slightly. Dean screwed up his face in concentration as he pressed against Sam's body.

"Come on Dean. Push," Sam encouraged as he felt his brother press against his body with his feet.

Dean let out a long sigh as he flopped back into the pillows the contraction lessening for a moment. "I don't wanna push any more." Dean was exhausted. The contractions and pushing had taken their toll and he wanted to give up. He moaned softly as he felt the next contraction growing within him and knew his body wouldn't let him get away with not pushing.

"You have to push," Sam insisted firmly.

"You damn well push then," Dean snapped as he lifted himself from the pillows again. His whole body ached and he could see that his thighs were slightly blood splattered.

"I would if I could," Sam gave Dean another smile. He looked down and thought he could see the head of their child at Dean's entrance. "Push," he repeated.

"If you say push once more I am seriously gonna hurt you," Dean threatened but bore down with all his might. It was the weirdest sensation and feeling that Dean had ever experienced in his life and he felt his whole body straining at the effort. Dean took a deep breath between contractions and pushed again willing the child out of his body. Dean mumbled curses and bit on his lip as his body contracted and protested against his struggles to give birth.

"Come on Dean," Sam said stroking his hand along one of Dean's legs. "You can do it. I know you can. Pu...," he went to repeat but stopped mid-word at the death glare Dean shot him.

"I'm only doing this for you," Dean grimaced and puffed out a quick breath before he bore down hard.

Sam snorted at his brother and braced himself as Dean pushed hard on his body and he knew he would have bruises the next day. Sam could feel the muscles in Dean's legs flexing as he pushed. "The head's out," Sam said excitedly as he grabbed a towel. "One last big effort and you're done," he encouraged glancing up at his brother. Dean looked pale, sweaty and totally exhausted.

"I can't dude," Dean protested. "Tired."

"I know but you're nearly there," Sam continued to encourage. He knew he shouldn't pull the child but it was hard to resist the temptation in order to put an end to Dean's pain. "Come on Dean. You can do it," he said instead.

"I hate you," Dean gave a long sigh and bore down again as hard as he could. He squeezed his eyes shut with the effort and pushed against Sam with his feet willing the child out of him. He let out a long cry at the effort but kept pushing along with the contraction that gripped his whole body. He panted loudly at the effort.

"I know," Sam smiled up at his brother. "Just one more little push," he risked saying the word as he put his hands near the child's head for support. "Then you're done. OK?"

Dean took a deep breath and bore down again. He gasped in pain panting hard with the struggle to free their child from his body. He bore down again determined. "Sammy," Dean cried out pushing with all the strength he had left.

"He's out," Sam caught the child as Dean's body expelled the baby into the world. "You.... we have a son. You did it Dean." Sam grinned happily.

Dean flopped back against the pillows closing his eyes wearily. He desperately wanted to hold his child but he was so tired. Dean relaxed his legs slightly but to his surprise found it was more comfortable to keep his legs apart with his knees bent. He also sensed he was also still connected to his child.

Sam stared down at the child in his hands not quite believing that he was actually holding his son something that Dean and he had made together with their love. The child, still connected to his brother, was perfect in every way and Sam couldn't resist counting all his little fingers and toes. He was tiny, covered in blood from the birth and Sam guessed he weighed no more than about five pounds if that. Sam was surprised that the child was so still and not squirming in his hands. He looked closer sucking in a breath. The tiny lips had a bluish tinge as did the skin and the child was completely quiet as well as unmoving in his hands.

"Oh God," Sam breathed as he wiped the blood of the little face with the towel.

"What?" Dean's eyes snapped open at the tone in Sam's voice. He struggled into a half sitting position balancing himself on his elbows. "What's wrong? Sammy?"

Sam looked up at Dean his expression panicked. "He's not breathing."

**BABY WINCHESTER**

"Sammy," Dean cried panicked as he looked up at his brother staring down at their motionless newborn son. "Do something."

Sam looked up at Dean shock in his eyes. "I don't know what to do," he admitted his own panic and terror rising up and nearly choking him. His heart was thumping wildly in his chest and his mouth was dry. Sam stared down again at his newborn son and knew that Dean was in no state to help him. For once in his life Dean couldn't rescue him and saving their son was totally up to him and it terrified him more than anything he had ever faced in his life. He knelt at the bottom of the bed frozen to the spot as his tiny son lay so still and quiet in his hands. Sam's mind raced trying to decide what to do but he felt like he was in a daze and all the basic first aid knowledge that their father had drummed into them from an early age deserted him as he continued to stare down at the unmoving child.

"Don't let him die," Dean pleaded hysterically as he shifted forwards slightly on the bed. Dean knew he was still connected to the child and he groaned in pain as his body protested the movement but he was determined to get close to his son. Hold his son. "Sammy," he choked out a sob as he reached his hands out beseechingly. Dean's body protested the motion again with a sharp stabbing pain that almost took his breath away. Dean moaned softly as he gave up trying to move. Instead he wrapped his arms around his body and stared at Sam and their son willing his brother to do something. Dean began to rock slightly as his fear slowly overwhelmed him. Tears welled up in his eyes and he let them fall down his face unchecked.

Something in Dean's pleading tone snapped Sam out of his stupor. He had to be strong. Strong for Dean, for both of them. And he knew in his heart that if their son died Dean wouldn't survive and Sam couldn't let that happen. He needed and loved his brother so much. Sam was suddenly spurred into action. He leant over and grabbed from the first aid kit the sealed scalpel. Still holding his son in one hand Sam bit at the seal and ripped off the sterile covering ignoring the fact that he had probably just compromised the sterility of the scalpel. Quickly and efficiently Sam cut the cord joining Dean to their son. Grabbing a towel from the pile at his side Sam placed their son into its warmth and cradled the child in one arm. The baby remained silent and unmoving.

Sam then gently prised open the baby's mouth and cleaned out any birth gunk or anything that could be blocking the tiny airway. The baby remained silent and still and Sam could feel his terror threatening to choke him. "Please live," he pleaded silently "We need you to live." Sam repeated the words over and over in his head as he felt for a heart beat. He wasn't sure if he could feel one so Sam decided to gently massage a finger over the area of the child's heart hoping that he was doing the right thing. Sam felt so big and clumsy compared to the tiny body in his hands and was frightened that instead of helping his son he would hurt him.

Sam could feel Dean's eyes on him. Could feel his brother silently pleading to save their son. He briefly glanced upwards. Dean was crying. His usually closed off no chick flick moments brother was crying. The crying was silent as Dean let his tears fall unchecked down his face. Dean looked pale and exhausted and he was hugging his arms around his body rocking slightly. His legs were still drawn up and the inside of his thighs were blood splattered from the birth. His pale eyes were fixed on their child and there was a desperation reflected in them that Sam had never seen before. He also noticed that small tremors were wracking his brother's body and Sam was suddenly terrified that Dean would go into shock and was probably well on his way from the blood loss, the traumatic events of the day that he had caused, the actual birth and the anxiety over his child. His mind screamed at him making him feel dizzy and Sam knew that he had to act quickly to save his son and help Dean.

He bit down the dizziness and turned his attention back to their son deciding to try something different. Sam leant down and carefully opened the tiny mouth. Leaning down Sam blew gently over the baby's nose and mouth as he continued to massage his finger over the child's chest. "Please breathe," his mind screamed over and over. Sam leant down and blew gently again.

Sam was just about to repeat the action when their child let out a loud protesting keening wail that seemed to fill the room. It was the most beautiful sound in the world and Sam let out a deep thankful and relief filled sigh. The small body began to wriggle and squirm in his arms. The child screwed up its face and continued to howl his distress loudly proving to the world that his lungs were strong and healthy. Sam couldn't help smiling happily. Sam knew that it had only been minutes since the birth but to him it had seemed like hours and he felt like he had aged twenty years and he couldn't even start to imagine what it had been like for Dean. "Sssshhh," Sam soothed as he rocked the small body in his arms.

Sam glanced up at his brother and his heart ran cold the smile freezing on his face. Dean was staring sightlessly into space seemingly oblivious to the cries from their newborn apparently locked in his own terror and fear. Dean had stopped crying but was still trembling and all of the colour had drained from his tear stained face. He had relaxed his legs onto the bed and was leaning back against the mountain of pillows and cushions.

Panic gripped Sam again as he moved to perch on the edge of bed next to his brother. Cradling his son carefully in one arm Sam reached out his free hand and gently touched his brother's face. Dean flinched and turned his pale eyes towards Sam. His expression was confused and dazed and he blinked at Sam as though he was trying to focus. "Look," Sam offered the child to his brother. "He was just trying to scare us. He's fine Dean," Sam said as calmly and reassuringly as he could.

A single tear fell down Dean's face as he looked down at their son. "Sammy," he murmured as he stared at the wriggling bundle in his brother's arms. Dean felt completely numb inside, his whole body ached and he couldn't seem to stop shaking. But he desperately wanted to hold their son. He went to accept the child but Dean couldn't seem to make his arms or body work and he growled softly in frustration.

"It's OK," Sam replied softly as he helped Dean to sit up pushing more pillows behind his back to support him. Sam then carefully laid the child across Dean's thighs. Scooting closer to Dean he reached across and supported the child's head.

Dean looked down at the now sleeping baby. "Hey," Dean whispered as he touched the small face with a finger. The skin was warm and soft and he gave a small smile. "He's so little," he turned to look at Sam his eyes filled with worry.

"He'll grow," Sam assured.

Dean gave a slight nod and turned away to look down at his son again totally in awe at the small life balancing on his legs, the life he had nurtured within his body for so many months. He looked perfect but Dean still couldn't help worrying. "Do you think he's OK?" he asked anxiously as he screwed up his face in thought. "I.... I think he was... you know early but I'm not really sure," Dean sighed in defeat.

"Yes," Sam said as confidently as he could for Dean's sake. "I'm sure he'll be just fine." He dismissed any nagging doubts to the back of his mind about their child being born early without medical assistance. Sam also knew that Dean should be seen by a doctor but immediately dismissed the thought. They would just have to cope on their own and Sam offered up a silent prayer hoping that both his son and brother would recover from the birth with no lingering after-effects.

"Can we call him Stephen?" Dean asked quietly. He turned back to Sam. He was suddenly consumed with guilt knowing that it was only fair that Sam got to pick their child's name. He had been the one to run away and if it hadn't been for Sam's stubbornness and determination to find him his brother would have never known his own child.

"Why Stephen?" Sam asked curious as he rolled the name around in his head.

"I just.... just kinda like it. And Stephen Winchester sounds like a strong name," Dean gave a small shrug. "But if you... you don't like it you can choose something else," he stammered as his guilt stabbed at him again.

Sam looked at Dean could see the hope in the pale eyes. But he could also see fear and guilt reflected and he sensed what his brother was feeling. Sam rolled the name around his head again. "I like it," he decided and was rewarded with a bright smile from Dean. "Hello Stephen Winchester," Sam stroked a finger down the tiny face. Stephen opened his eyes, gave a huge yawn and promptly went to sleep again.

"You're boring him already," Dean teased lightly as he leant against Sam's shoulder. He was exhausted and just wanted to sleep. But he was too afraid to close his eyes in case something happened to their baby and Dean knew that he wouldn't be able to bear it. Sam snorted at his brother but decided not to rise to Dean's baiting. Instead he began to caress Dean's hair soothingly. He could feel that Dean was still trembling slightly and he looked too pale for Sam's liking. Dean relaxed despite his fears about Stephen and leaned into Sam's touch suddenly glad for his brother's pigheadedness. Sam was here. Sam loved him and Dean knew deep down that Sam wasn't going to leave them. It made him feel loved and secure.

**Two hours later.......**

Sam blew out a breath. He was exhausted but happy. He was sitting on the bed propped up by the pillows with Dean laying between his legs fast asleep in his arms. Their newborn son was safely asleep in his bassinet on the other side of the bed, his teddy bear and rabbit silently watching over him. Dean had one hand on the edge of the bassinet as if he was trying to keep some contact with their son.

It had been two hours since Stephen Winchester had made his dramatic appearance into the world and Sam let his mind wander over the events. After he was satisfied that Dean was calm enough to be left with their child Sam had hurried into the bathroom filling the bowl with warm water. Quickly returning to his brother Sam had gently bathed their son. Dean had silently watched his every movement clutching a towel in his hands ready for Sam to use to dry their child with. Sam had noticed that his brother kept wringing the towel in his hands and every now and again Dean seemed to descend into a world of his own staring ahead distractedly. Sam managed to bring his brother back to the present each time with soft calming words putting his odd behaviour down to exhaustion from the birth. Stephen had then been diapered, dressed in blue pajamas with teddy bear motifs, fed his first bottle and laid in his bassinet. The child fell asleep quickly.

It had only taken him fifteen minutes to get their son sorted out and the next job on his list had been Dean who had fidgeting for a while. Sam had prodded and questioned until Dean reluctantly admitted that he was in pain and felt uncomfortable. Sam knew what it meant and he guessed Dean did too - his brother needed to deliver the afterbirth. Sam had read somewhere, he couldn't remember where or why he had read the article, that breast feeding sometimes helped the process but that wasn't possible in Dean's case so his brother had to endure more painful contractions as his body struggled to expel the afterbirth. Afterwards Dean had looked even more exhausted and pale than before and Sam was beginning to worry about his brother's health.

He had pushed his concerns to the back of his mind and transferred Dean from the bed to a chair covering him with a blanket. He had then quickly and efficiently stripped the bed of its blood stained sheets throwing them in the bucket for burning later. He then remade the bed with fresh linen and blankets and pumped up the pillows and cushions at the head of the bed. Sam couldn't help himself and had quickly tidied around the room making it look less like a delivery room and more like a bedroom. Dean had teased him but Sam didn't care wanting to make the room as comfortable as possible for Dean and their new son.

Sam had then half carried Dean into the bathroom. Sitting him on the edge of the bath with his legs in the tub Sam had helped his brother clean himself up. Dean had leant against him heavily sighing in pleasure as Sam had wiped the warm soapy cloth all over his body and had even admitted that it felt good. Despite loud protests that he could manage on his own Sam helped a pouting Dean into some clean sweat pants and a t-shirt and helped him back to the bed.

Dean had stubbornly tried to stay awake fighting off sleep for an hour determined to watch over their son despite Sam's assurances that he would do it. Eventually Sam had cheated and began to caress a hand through Dean's hair gently whispering soft nothing words of love and affection. Eventually Dean had succumbed to the caresses and words and had fallen asleep in his arms.

While Dean had been sleeping Sam had made the mistake of getting out his laptop and checking the internet for information on births without medical assistance and had seriously frightened himself. He had read a couple of articles with growing horror before forcing himself to turn the machine off and not look again. But the fear was there slowly growing inside him. Sam had felt his body tensing in barely controlled panic and had nearly woken Dean who mumbled incoherently in his sleep. He forced himself to relax and began to caress Dean's hair again hoping that his brother would stay sleeping. Thankfully it worked and Sam took deep breaths to calm himself.

Sam looked down at his family. He was deliriously happy but the nagging doubts and fear in the back of his mind kept him awake. Sam was worried about them both and couldn't ignore the fact that Dean really needed to be looked at by a doctor. And Stephen looked healthy enough but Sam knew that they both wouldn't be happy or satisfied until their small son had been checked out by a professional.

His mind was in a complete turmoil and he didn't know what to do. Sam felt totally helpless. He couldn't help it. He was definitely out of his depth and he knew it. They needed help. Their father was dead killed in the final battle with the demon protecting both of them. So they had no family except each other. But they needed someone they could trust.

Bobby. He would take his small family to Bobby. Sam knew that their friend would help them. They would go tomorrow.

 

**BABY BLUES**

**A day and a half later........**

Five miles to go.

A hundred miles ago Sam had decided that it hadn't been one of his better plans but it was too late at that point. He was tired having decided to drive straight through with only short rest stops to feed and change Stephen and feed themselves. Their son had taken to life in the back of the Impala like a pro and seemed to be thriving but Dean was another matter. He was in pain and wasn't admitting it to himself or Sam. He had hardly eaten anything at their stops and Sam knew that Dean had thrown up at their last stop but with his guilt slowly mounting had decided not to call his brother on it. Dean looked grey and totally drained and Sam's anxiety was going up in notches each mile he drove. Sam glanced sideways at his brother and could see the lines of pain etched in Dean's face despite the fact that he was asleep.

Two miles to go.

Sam knew, deep down, that he had made a mistake. He had panicked and acted out of fear and stupidity. He only hoped that Dean would forgive him for any pain he had caused him. But in his mind the plan he had formulated as Dean slept the night of the birth seemed a good one. They needed help. Bobby would help. So get to Bobby's house as fast as they could. At the time Sam couldn't see any flaws in the plan but over a hundred miles later he could see every one in vivid technicolour as they bounced around his head.

The day after Dean had given birth Sam had woken early and carefully extricated himself from his brother. He had bathed, fed and dressed Stephen enjoying a few moments alone with his new son revelling in the perfection that Dean and he had created with their love. He had reluctantly placed Stephen back in his bassinet close to Dean and then went to work. Sam had quickly and quietly packed all their things shoving them into the Impala. It had taken him over three hours to get himself sorted out. He had paid the rent on the cabin, called the car hire company to let them know where the jeep was parked, burnt the blood stained sheets and towels, taken care of the afterbirth, packed up a few provisions for the journey, tidied the cabin as best he could and planned their route on his laptop.

Sam had then woken Dean, helped him shower and change his clothes and made him eat some toast and drink some juice. He had then outlined his plan. Dean had never uttered one protest about his plan, a fact that now worried Sam. Dean had then allowed himself to be bundled into the passenger seat and even covered with a blanket. Sam had secured their son into the backseat strapped into his car seat and wrapped in blankets with his faithful teddy bear and rabbit sitting alongside him.

They had now been on the road for over day and Sam was glad that their journey was almost over. Sam hadn't called Bobby to tell him that they were coming and was now beginning to doubt that decision as well. It didn't seem fair to drop in unexpected and uninvited but as Sam seemed to have been saying a lot over the last day it was too late. He groaned silently to himself and hoped that Bobby wouldn't turn them away.

Sam brightened a little as he saw the gates to Bobby salvage yard but his heart insisted in thudding nervously and loudly in his chest. He skidded to a halt outside Bobby's house. He glanced sideways and gently nudged Dean. "We're here," Sam said as he leapt out of the Impala.

"Mmmmm," Dean mumbled as he forced himself to wake up. He looked around blearily recognising the familiar surroundings. Bobby's house. Tossing the blanket aside Dean groaned as he levered himself out of the passenger seat.

Bobby had heard the car and was now walking around to the front of his house wiping his greasy hands on a towel. "Boys," he exclaimed in surprise not expecting a visit. Bobby had known that Sam was looking for Dean. He had also been worried about his friend and had been in the middle of getting one of his trucks in tip-top condition so he could join in the search if Sam needed him. "I see you found each other."

"Yeah," Sam nodded and gave their friend a small smile.

Bobby frowned. Sam looked worried and slightly panicked. "What brings you here?" he asked concerned as he threw the towel to one side.

Dean didn't miss the surprise in Bobby's tone and shot an angry glare at Sam not being able to believe that his brother hadn't warned his friend they were coming. Sam turned away with a blush knowing exactly what Dean was thinking. The guilt he had been feeling for over a day increased ten-fold and he groaned inwardly cursing his stupidity for the hundredth time.

It was then that Bobby got a closer look at Dean. He'd never seen the young hunter look so sick. He'd seen him bloody, bruised, scratched and slashed to hell but never so drained and sickly looking "Hell Dean," Bobby said. "You look like shit."

"Thanks dude," Dean tried to give a cocky smile but it came out as a pained grimace as he hung onto the door of the Impala for dear life. The world was starting to spin and he felt sick.

"What have you been doing to yourself?" Bobby asked worriedly.

"Oh you know," Dean shrugged slightly immediately regretting the movement as it jarred his aching body. "Just giving birth to our son."

"Shit," Bobby muttered under his breath and shot a look at Sam as if asking for confirmation. Nothing would ever surprise him with these two boys but getting pregnant and giving birth immediately made number one of the strange things Bobby had encountered in his life.

Sam nodded. "A day and a half ago," he reluctantly admitted as he waved towards the backseat of the Impala.

Bobby bent down and peered into the back of the Impala. It was true. A small sleeping baby was bundled in blankets and strapped into a car seat. Bobby had guessed about the change in their relationship and it had never bothered him. He had seen so much cruelty, darkness and viciousness in his life that he was happy that the brothers had finally found some light in the darkness of their lives. Bobby loved them for who they were and they seemed so happy with each other - happier than he had ever seen them before. He never mentioned it to either of the boys and in turn Sam and Dean seemed grateful that they didn't have to pretend in front of him. Even though Bobby had seen many supernatural things, many if not all totally unbelievable, never in his wildest dreams would he have believed that Dean getting pregnant was possible. But the evidence was in front of his eyes. "Shit," Bobby repeated to himself as he straightened up. He glared at Sam not believing that the younger man had dragged his newborn son and obviously sick brother across the country. Sam seemed to wither under the stare and Bobby immediately felt guilty. "He's cute," he gave Sam a reassuring smile.

Sam gave Bobby a smile back before glancing over to his brother. He could see that Dean was barely hanging on and looked ready to drop. Sam moved quickly around to the other side of the car to help his brother.

"I'm fine," Dean slapped Sam's away from him. He was exhausted, ached all over and he could feel the sweat running down the back of his neck but hell would freeze over before he admitted it to Sam or Bobby. Dean was determined to walk to the house without help deciding that it would help alleviate some of the guilt he could see in Sam's eyes and had been seeing in Sam's eyes since they left the cabin. But he would still be having a long talk with his brother. Dean took a deep breath and pushed himself off the door.

"Dean," Sam protested.

"Sam," Dean glared at his brother daring him to help.

But Sam knew better and stepped away. "Stubborn ass," he murmured under his breath knowing that his brother would only get more obstinate if he tried to help. Dean glared at him but Sam stubbornly hovered at his brother's side as he started to slowly walk in the direction of the house. Dean still felt sick and dizzy and the world insisted on tilting sideways. He gritted his teeth against the feelings and concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other. Dean thought he heard Sam shout his name as it went blurry and he felt his legs buckle. He couldn't help himself and he pitched forwards. Dean vaguely felt arms around him as his world suddenly went black and he sunk into the dark abyss.

Sam saw his brother's legs buckle under him and grabbed for Dean. "Oh God," Sam whispered as he managed to stop Dean hitting the dirt. He swiftly put one hand under Dean's knees the other around his back and heaved his brother up into his arms. Dean's head flopped against his shoulder and Sam braced himself adjusting his brother's weight against him.

"Get him inside. Back room. You know where it is," Bobby shouted. Sam glanced over his shoulder and Bobby knew without asking what the younger man was worried about. "Don't worry I'll get the little guy," he leant into the car and hastily unstrapped the baby carrier. "Well aint you cute," Bobby cooed to the now wide awake child. He grabbed the rabbit and teddy bear stuffing them under his other arm. " You come with your Uncle Bobby," the older man hurried after Sam.

Bobby deposited the carrier and soft toys on the lumpy couch. As far as he could see the baby was OK. Bobby couldn't resist it. He ran a finger down the small face. "Well aint you just cute," he repeated as the child yawned and closed his eyes. "Guess you had a couple of busy days," Bobby smiled at the now sleeping child as he made sure the blankets were tucked securely around the small body. Bobby grabbed for his cell phone making a quick call before hurrying towards the back of the house.

The boys always used the room at the back of the house when they visited. It was a large airy room with its own bathroom and french window/doors that led out to a small decking area. Bobby had just recently decorated both rooms and had replaced the twin beds with a large double. He wasn't going to admit it but he had hoped that Dean and Sam would come by more often but never dreamed they would visit under the present unusual circumstances. Bobby knew that he had the crib that had belonged to his sister in the attic and immediately decided that he would be fetching it down as soon as possible. His nephew needed somewhere to sleep he thought to himself.

Sam was perched on the edge of the bed gently caressing Dean's face. His concern had moved into overdrive and he was desperate for his brother to wake up. "Come on Dean," he whispered softly patting the sweat dampened skin. "Open your eyes for me," he pleaded.

"Mmmmm," Dean moved his head from side to side swatting at the hand patting his face.

"That's it," Sam encouraged. He sighed with relief as he watched Dean struggle to open his eyes.

"Sammy," Dean mumbled as he forced his eyes open. He blinked trying to focus on his brother's face. The blurriness slowly cleared and he could see Sam's worried face looking down at him.

Sam leaned over Dean. "How you doing dude?"

"Get the truck that ran me over," Dean muttered as he closed his eyes again. Sam gave a small laugh as he ran his hand through Dean's hair soothingly. Dean leaned into the touch slightly and smiled.

"How's he doing?" Bobby asked from the door not wanting to intrude.

Sam turned a worried look on his face. "He's a bit hot," he said as he ran his fingers across Dean's forehead.

"I'm always hot," Dean interrupted opening his eyes again. He gave Sam a small smirk.

Sam snorted. "Says you," he teased lightly as he got to his feet.

Dean rolled his eyes at his brother. He looked around the room suddenly panicked. Dean sat up groaning with the effort. "Stevie," he cried. "Where's Stevie?" he swung his legs off the bed and struggled to his feet. He took a couple of steps before closing his eyes in an effort to rid himself of the dizziness that hit him the moment he got to his feet.

"Dean," Sam grabbed his brother as he swayed on his feet. "Take it easy. He's fine. Bobby took care of him." Sam looked to his friend for help.

"Bobby?" Dean struggled weakly in Sam's hold.

"The little guy is fast asleep on my couch," Bobby nodded. "Guess he got bored with all the goings on," he moved into the room cautiously.

"You promise?" Dean muttered still looking panicked. His struggling had lessened and he was sagging in Sam's arms as though the fight was slowly draining out of him.

"Dean," Sam pleaded as he battled to keep his brother on his feet and move him back towards the bed. "Please."

Bobby frowned noting the look of desperation in Dean's expression and not really understanding it. He made a mental note to ask Sam later. "Yeah. He's OK," Bobby assured. "Dean," he softly touched the younger man's arm. " Why don't you get some sleep. You still look like crap. And me and Sam... well we'll take care of Stevie. OK?"

Sam frowned and gave a small groan knowing that their son was now going to be called Stevie by everyone but he decided he kind of liked it, not that he was ever going to admit it to Dean. Sam turned his attention back to Dean. "I promise he's OK," Sam said calmly. "Bobby wouldn't let anything happen to him."

Dean looked from Sam to Bobby and back again knowing deep down that this was a battle he wasn't going to win. And he trusted Bobby nearly as much as he trusted Sam. Dean gave a small nod and let Sam lower him back onto the bed. "Take care of Stevie," he mumbled as he closed his eyes.

"We will," Sam perched on the edge of the bed. "I promise."

**Half an hour later.........**

"He's asleep," Sam said as he joined Bobby in the living room. He had managed to get Dean out of his clothes and under the comforter. Sam had then sat whispering calming words until his brother had finally succumbed to sleep. Sam moved over to his sleeping son and carefully unstrapped him lifting the child into his arms. Stephen murmured in his sleep and Sam rocked him gently the action calming his tiny son as well as his own shattered nerves. "I'm worried about Dean," he admitted quietly as he softly stroked Stephen's face. "I didn't think he'd be this sick." Sam bit at his lip nervously.

"I guess the journey didn't do him much good," Bobby said gently making sure that his tone wasn't accusing as he didn't want to upset Sam any more than he was already. Bobby shrugged. "But Dean is Dean and I'm sure he'll be just fine in a couple of days."

"I guess," Sam agreed.

"I called a doctor friend of mine," Bobby said. "He'll be here in an hour or so." He put his hand up to stop Sam's expected protest. "And don't worry his momma and daddy were hunters... so he'll be cool."

Sam looked at Bobby. "You're sure?" he asked not wanting to risk Dean or his son. "Dean just ..... just gave birth.... and... and....," Sam's words dried up and he looked down at their sleeping child.

Bobby got to his feet. He patted Sam's arm reassuringly. "Quit worrying Sam," he said. "Ethan Driscoll has seen it all so he won't be freaked out by Dean, his having a baby or any damn thing for that matter." Bobby slumped back down into the chair and watched in silence as Sam paced up and down his living room. "He's a good man. Patched me up a fair few times... and if I remember rightly even your daddy a few years back."

Sam stared at Bobby for a moment. He trusted his friend and trusted his judgement. "OK," Sam replied as he continued to pace up and down the room.

"So you gonna tell me?" Bobby asked as he cocked his head to one side. He was curious as to what had happened and had been waiting for Sam to tell but obviously his young friend needed a prod or two.

"Tell you what?" Sam evaded the question turning his back on his friend. He rocked Stephen some more as he tried to gather up his thoughts knowing that he owed Bobby an explanation.

"Sam Winchester," Bobby protested raising his voice slightly. Sam turned around to face him and Bobby bit the inside of his mouth to stop himself from laughing at the startled expression on his young friend's face. "And all that walking up and down is gonna make the kid dizzy or sick or both," Bobby nodded at the small child still cradled in Sam's arms.

Sam let out a long sigh and slumped down in the battered armchair cradling Stephen in his arms. His guilt for dropping in unannounced was back with a vengeance making it feel as though his head was going to explode. He let out a deep breath. "I'm sorry Bobby," Sam looked up at the older man. "As soon as Dean wakes up we'll go. Find a motel or.... or something."

"And just when did I say I wanted you to leave?" Bobby asked angrily pushing down his feelings of hurt that Sam would think that he wanted them to leave. "You, Dean and that little one in your arms are staying.... and that's final. So you just sit there. Get your head outta your ass and tell me what the hell is going on." He folded his arms determined and looked expectantly at Sam.

Sam looked up in surprise having never really heard Bobby angry before and he knew that he had caused it with his stupid words. Of course Bobby wouldn't make them leave. He sighed again wondering idly if he would ever be able to make up for his current stupidity. "I don't know where to begin," Sam confessed. He was fighting back the tears that had been threatening to fall since Dean had given birth. He was frightened and desperately worried about his brother and his son and every time he opened his mouth he seemed to hurt those he loved or who were trying to help him.

Bobby could see the confusion and turmoil in Sam's eyes and his heart melted at the sight. He couldn't bear to see Sam or Dean in pain. He was extremely fond of both boys, loved them as though they were his own sons and couldn't help feeling pleased that Sam had come to him for help. And he was going to make damn sure he helped both of the boys whether they wanted it or not.

Bobby gave Sam a small encouraging smile and got to his feet moving over to the couch. He slumped down next to Sam and put his hand on the younger man's knee. "Beginning is as good a place as any," he suggested. "I got all night. I aint going nowhere and I'm listening."

**Two weeks later........**

Sam was looking for Dean although he knew where his brother would be - either with the Impala or amongst the wreck of cars and trucks in Bobby's yard tinkering with one of the car's engines that was probably way past saving. It had been that way since Dean had forced himself out of bed just three days after they had arrived at Bobby's house.

Sam sighed to himself wishing, and not for the first time in the last two weeks, that his brother would slow down and rest. But stubborn with a capital 'S' was Dean Winchester's middle name and once out of bed was determined to prove to everybody that he was just fine.

Bobby's doctor friend, Ethan, had arrived a few minutes after Sam had finally managed to explain everything to Bobby right from the beginning up until the birth and having to resuscitate Stephen. He had then tried to explain his thinking behind driving for a day and a half. Bobby had remained silent throughout nodding occasionally without a hint of condemnation and giving encouraging murmurs when words failed Sam. He had felt better afterwards, less burdened, but his relief quickly turned back to fear the moment the doctor had arrived.

Bobby had shown Ethan to the back room making Sam stay with Stephen in the living room. Ethan had taken over half an hour examining Dean and Sam had been barely been able to constrain himself from bursting into the bedroom and demanding what was happening. But Bobby had kept him calm, kept him grounded and talked to him about everything and nothing and had even persuaded him to bathe, feed and change Stephen in an effort to distract him from what was going on in their bedroom.

When he had finally been let into the bedroom Dean had been hooked up to an IV drip attached to his right hand and was asleep again. Sam had noted a second IV bag laying on the bedside table and heard Ethan giving Bobby instructions about connecting it as soon as the first bag had run through. Then the doctor had assured him that his brother would be fine and was healing nicely despite the conditions that he had given birth in. However he explained that Dean was dehydrated, had a low grade fever and was exhausted from the blood loss and birth as well as the day and half's car journey. Ethan had given his brother a couple of precautionary shots and advised that Dean should remain in bed for a few days to rest and recuperate.

The doctor had then turned his attention to Stephen. Bobby had laughed out loud when Ethan nearly had to wrestle the baby from Sam's arms. Sam had reluctantly handed the baby over but had hovered at the doctor's side all the time he checked his son over. Stephen had screamed loudly and wriggled in protest throughout the whole examination process. Despite the wailing and squirming baby the doctor had gently poked, prodded and measured, listened to the child's heart, cleaned up the umbilical cord site, taken some blood as a precaution and administered routine preventative shots. Bobby had even found some old fashioned scales and Stephen had been weighed for the first time - four pounds ten ounces. Sam had been worried but Ethan assured him that their son although small was completely healthy despite probably having been born between two to three weeks early. Sam had been so relieved when he could cuddle his son again and had nearly forgotten to thank the doctor for all his help.

Three days later Dean was out of bed and insisting on helping Bobby in the salvage yard. Bobby had remained quiet and Sam had argued that he needed to rest but Dean had ignored him, pulled on old jeans and a t-shirt and disappeared. And it had been the same every day since. He always came back filthy dirty with oil and grease and totally exhausted. Sam couldn't help worrying about Dean and had caught him on more than one occasion just staring into the distance as if lost in his own world. Dean hardly ever touched their son and didn't seem interested. His behaviour was completely the opposite to what he had been like when Stephen had been born. Sam happily took care of their child's needs, cuddled and talked to him all the time but he desperately wanted his brother to enjoy their son as well. Dean's odd behaviour confused him but at the same time it made him angry with his brother and Sam didn't know what to do for the best.

Sam was brought back to the present by a string of loud curses. He hurried over towards the Impala. "You OK?" he shouted to Dean who was rubbing at one of his hands cursing loudly.

"Yeah," Dean glanced up at Sam. "Wrench just slipped and caught my hand."

"Let me see," Sam held out his hand expectantly as he looked his brother up and down. Dean looked tired and was still too pale for his liking. Sam had also noticed that his brother still wasn't eating properly and had amazingly lost all of his pregnancy weight gain and much more. He also knew that Dean wasn't sleeping very well and most nights as he pretended to be asleep Sam lay instead listening as Dean tossed and turned trying to sleep.

"No," Dean replied. "I said it was OK," he snapped irritably.

Sam rolled his eyes at this brother cursing him under his breath. Dean had been snappy and irritable for the last few days and everything that Sam said seemed to set him off. Sam bit at his tongue not wanting to start another argument. "You ready?" he asked instead.

Dean frowned at Sam. "Ready for what?" he asked puzzled as he wiped his dirty hands down his even dirtier t-shirt.

"The appointment we have with Ethan this afternoon," Sam explained patiently. "You know your son's appointment," he couldn't help adding. "Ethan wanted to check you both over."

"Is that today?" Dean asked distractedly as he bent over the Impala's engine.

"You know it is," Sam snapped exasperated.

"I'm busy," Dean snapped back. "Can we go another day?"

"No," Sam said stubbornly folding his arms across his chest. "We're going this afternoon."

Dean ignored him making Sam even angrier. "I swear you love that car more than your own son," Sam accused angrily.

Dean stood up and glared at his brother hurt at the stinging accusation. He did love Stephen but for some reason he didn't understand he was terrified and had let Sam take over the care for their child to the point that Dean felt completely left out and isolated from his family. He knew it was his own fault but it still hurt and Dean couldn't work out how he felt at the moment. He lay awake each night trying to work it all out in his head. Dean felt confused and angry all the time and it frightened him. He wanted to ask Sam for help but he just didn't know how.

Sam could see a thousand emotions flickering in Dean's pale eyes. Hurt, anger and fury were all there but he could also see flashes of terror and fear and he frowned worried at what he was seeing in his brother's eyes. "Dean?" Sam pleaded.

"I said I'm busy," Dean repeated stiffly as he turned away from Sam. He moved towards his tool box and bent over to pick up a spanner. A stabbing pain in his stomach caused him to groan in pain and he clutched at his belly not able to straighten up as the pain lanced through him. Dean breathed heavily trying to alleviate the pain as he struggled to stand up again.

"Dean," Sam shouted in alarm as he hurried forwards to help his obviously in pain brother.

Dean slapped his hands away. "I'm fine dude," he snarled.

"No you're not," Sam snapped. "You just had a baby for God's sake."

"Oh, you noticed it was me then," Dean snapped back as he finally managed to straighten up. He rubbed absently at his belly. The pain was receding slightly but now he felt sick and dizzy. Dean grit his teeth determined not to show his brother how sick he felt at the moment.

"What?" Sam replied frowning in confusion at Dean's words.

"Nothing," Dean said turning back to the Impala.

"It's not nothing," Sam yelled his temper and frustration at Dean's behaviour finally getting the better of him. "You're obviously in pain. You should be resting.... not fooling about with these damn cars."

"Says who?" Dean asked angrily waving the spanner in the air. "I told you I'm fine." He turned his back on Sam again.

"Don't be a stubborn asshole," Sam shouted to Dean's back.

"You go," Dean said swinging around to face Sam again. "I don't want some damn doctor poking and prodding me. I just want to be left alone," he glared at Sam pointedly.

"Dean," Sam said patiently. "You look like hell. You're not eating properly. And I know you're not sleeping.... we do share the same bed," Sam placed his hands on his hips. "You snap all the time for no reason. And you have ignored your son since the day we got here. Do you even care about him?"

Dean glowered back at Sam. "Of course I care," he defended. He didn't know what was happening to him and he was frightened but he had to try and make Sam understand. "It's just... it's just," Dean tried to get the words out but they wouldn't come and he cursed himself silently for his inability to express himself eloquently. Dean growled in frustration and threw the spanner onto the ground angrily.

Sam scowled completely missing the fact that his brother was trying to tell him something. "Perhaps Stevie and I should just go and leave you to your damn cars," he yelled. "You obviously don't care about either of us so you wouldn't miss us at all." The moment the words were out of his mouth Sam regretted them wishing with all his heart that he could take them back. He saw the defeat and anguish in Dean's expression and Sam knew he had hurt his brother badly with his cruel words. "Dean," Sam moved forwards and reached out towards his brother wanting to hold him and take away the pain he could see reflected in Dean's eyes.

Dean flinched at the movement and stepped back out of reach growling in warning. "Back off Sam," he snarled. "Just damn well back off." He set his jaw and bit back the threatened tears. "You're driving me nuts."

"Dean," Sam pleaded. "Please."

Dean turned away from Sam not able to believe his brother's words. He knew he deserved everything Sam had said and that it was due to his own inability to reach out to his brother but the hurt Dean felt threatened to overwhelm him making him want to strike out at his brother and hurt him back. "Get the hell away from me," he yelled. "Just leave me alone."

Sam bit at his lip trying to decide what to do. He loved Dean so much. Loved their son so much. Sam didn't understand what was happening and it made him angry and frustrated. Anger and love warred in his head for a moment until anger and frustration finally won out. He threw his hands up in the air in defeat. "Oh to hell with you," he snapped turning and stomping towards the house. "Lunch will be in thirty minutes if you can drag your sorry ass away from the oil and grease."

Dean heard Sam leaving and he wanted desperately to turn around and beg him to stay. Beg him to listen and try and understand. But his body wouldn't co-operate and instead he slid slowly down the side of the Impala. Dean drew his legs up and hugged his arms around them resting his head on his knees. "Sammy," he whispered to himself.

**Ten minutes later.......**

Dean could hear Sam in the kitchen. His brother was banging pots and pans around and Dean frowned slightly. He had dragged himself to his feet and made his way into the house through the back door having seen Bobby heading through the front door. He slipped unseen into their room and moved over to the crib that had been placed in the corner of the room. The teddy bear mobile was hanging over the crib and the gentle breeze from the open windows was gently spinning the device round and round.

Bobby had given them the crib. It was an old fashioned hand carved light-coloured wooden crib that had belonged to his sister. Bobby had spent a day cleaning and polishing it and had proudly presented it to them one evening. They had immediately placed their newborn in to it and Dean had caught the look of pleasure and pride on their friend's face.

Dean steeled himself and looked down at his tiny son. Stephen was awake and seemed to be staring transfixed at the mobile as it span. He was happily gurgling and blowing bubbles while his little legs kicked. "Hey," Dean whispered offering his son a finger. Stephen dragged his gaze away from the mobile and seemed to stare up at him clasping the offered finger with his little hand. Dean smiled to himself. "You got quite a grip there kiddo," he whispered. He pulled his finger from the child's grip and ran it gently down Stephen's face revelling in the feeling of the soft warm skin. The child gurgled happily waving his small arms in the air.

He was perfect and Dean couldn't believe that he and Sam had made something so small, delicate and beautiful. It took his breath away. It was a weird feeling looking down at the tiny child and seeing bits of himself and Sam reflected in their son. Dean only hoped that Stephen wouldn't inherit his hated freckles.

Dean rubbed absently at his belly as he had done so many times when he was pregnant. Somehow his stomach had flattened quickly and he was now back to his pre-pregnancy weight and the opening had thankfully disappeared as quickly and mysteriously as it had appeared. Dean had been relieved having already undergone one embarrassing examination of his nether regions and wasn't in a hurry to repeat the experience.

Dean looked down at his son again. He loved him so much and desperately wanted to hold him properly and cuddle him like he had seen Sam do so many times. Dean didn't know why he had difficulty in picking up and holding his son and his heart ached at the thought of never being able to cuddle his child. He took a deep calming breath and reached down. He was going to hold his son now. Dean's hands hovered nervously over the child but as he went to touch the baby again images flashed through his mind. He could see his worst nightmare and all his inner fears played out in vivid technicolour. Dean squeezed his eyes shut tightly trying to banish the images from this head. But they were strong and there were so many that he couldn't fight them. There was so much blood and he could see his son being born dead, laying between his legs, having never taken a breath or crying. The images continued to flash in his mind and his head pounded in pain. Dean could see his tiny son taking one breath and then dying in his arms. Could see his son bloody from the birth laying so still in Sam's hands. Could see Sam's accusing eyes staring at him blaming him for their child's death. Dean cried out. He opened his eyes and snatched his hand back away from the baby as though he had been burned. Dean staggered back from the crib. "No," he whispered.

Dean stared at the crib in horror. His heart was pounding in his chest, his mouth was dry and he could feel the sweat drenching his whole body. In the midst of his panic and fear his mind told him what to do. He grabbed for his necklace and pulled it over his head. Dean cautiously moved towards the crib his arm outstretched. His whole body was trembling and he closed his eyes frightened to look down at their child in case his nightmare was true. He didn't hear his child happily gurgling as he watched the mobile spin. Dean blindly felt for the side of the crib hanging the necklace over the bottom of the crib. It was his way of trying to protect his son.

Turning away from the crib and his son Dean crept out of the bedroom and slipped out of the house. Once outside he looked left and right not knowing where to go or what to do. Dean wanted to run but he wanted to stay. He wanted to cry but the tears wouldn't come. He wanted to shout out loud but he couldn't force the words out. He wanted Sam to help him but he didn't know how to ask him. Dean felt lost and alone. His panic and fear were overwhelming and slowly drowning him and his head was pounding in pain. Dean made a decision. He'd run. Sam and Stephen would be better off without him. Without thinking where he was going or running to Dean ran towards the woods at the back of the salvage yard. He ran as fast as he could trying to escape from his misery.

Dean tripped and stumbled over the undergrowth as he ran but he managed to keep on his feet. He huffed in pain and his breath was coming in harsh uneven pants and gasps. The sound echoed around him seeming to bounce off the trees and hammer loudly in his own ears. But Dean didn't stop. Didn't stop even when it started to rain. Dean ran through the trees small branches whipping cruelly at his face as he pushed himself onwards through the woods. The cool rain soaked him in minutes but Dean ignored it. He didn't care. His feet pounded the ground as he let his fear and misery overpower him. His legs felt like lead but he pushed onwards disregarding the heaviness in his limbs and the nagging pain in his belly.

Dean burst out of the woods and slid down the now slippery bank towards the small stream at the bottom. He hadn't even realised that he had been running towards the stream. The stream where he and Sam had scattered their father's ashes silently watching hand in hand as they floated upstream with the gentle current. Dean let out a strangled cry as he hit the water with a splash and started to sprint along the stream slipping and sliding on the smooth rocks and pebbles hidden under the surface. He made waves as the water splashed around his ankles and knees but Dean pushed forwards until he couldn't run anymore. Dean suddenly stopped as exhaustion overtook him. He looked around him confusion replacing the terror. His legs felt shaky and his body was vibrating with ragged emotion. He panted hard desperately trying to force oxygen into his overworked lungs. Dean slumped down into the stream ignoring the coldness of the water not even noticing as his knees hit a large jagged rock hard. His breathing was becoming easier and Dean coughed shaking his head trying to fight his way back from the darkness that threatened to engulf him.

Dean finally dragged himself out of the river and slumped down in the wet grass staring distractedly into the distance. The rain continued to fall heavily but Dean never felt the stinging of the rain drops as they hit his bare arms. Never noticed his blood soaked jeans where he had cut his knees. Dean was lost in his nightmare letting his misery and pain wash over him.

 

**HEALING**

Bobby had watched Dean and Sam argue but had kept out of sight behind a large blue truck. He had tried not to eavesdrop but he cared about both of them and could see that they were both hurting in their own way. Bobby had nearly stepped in when he heard Sam threaten to leave with their son but had resisted the urge knowing that Sam hadn't meant it and was just angry with his brother. Bobby forced himself to remain silent in his hiding place watching and listening.

Bobby hadn't objected to Dean helping him out knowing that it wouldn't do any good but he had been keeping a close eye on the younger man. He could tell that Dean was suffering. He was pale, sickly looking and at times in pain although he would never admit it. The other symptoms Bobby vaguely recognised and it had taken a few days to work out where he had seen them before. It came to him finally in the middle of the night - it had been with his younger sister after the birth of her second child.

Bobby desperately wanted to go and talk to Dean but right now he knew that the intrusion wouldn't be welcomed and Bobby liked his head on his shoulders. He decided that his best bet was talking some sense into Sam. And Bobby knew deep down that the younger Winchester was the only one that could help Dean at the moment. Dean needed him and Bobby just had to make Sam realise that, make him see that Dean was suffering and needed help. Bobby took a final look at Dean before heading back to the house.

**Inside the house......**

Sam paced up and down the kitchen banging pots and pans on the counters as he set about preparing lunch. Sam was seething in anger and he was sure he could feel his blood boiling in his veins. He banged another pot on the counter but it didn't make him feel any better. He huffed under his breath cursing his stubborn brother.

Sam couldn't understand what was wrong with Dean. He should be enjoying his son not out "playing" with cars and engines. Dean was the most stubborn, frustrating and annoying person he knew fighting him at every turn if he tried to help or look after him. And Sam desperately wanted to help and take care of his brother. He loved him so much and knew he couldn't live without Dean. His life would be empty and meaningless with his brother. Dean was hurting badly and Sam felt completely out of his depth and useless. He banged another pot as he cursed his inability to help his brother. He just didn't know how to help and it frustrated him. Sam was absolutely sure of one thing - Dean loved their child but for some reason Sam couldn't fathom his brother seemed terrified to hold Stephen in his arms.

Dean seemed to be keeping his distance from both of them and it hurt Sam more than he cared to admit. And to make things even worse he wasn't handling it very well himself and was blundering around like a fool hurting Dean with cruel and thoughtless threats and words. Sam cringed inwardly not able to believe that he had actually said that he would take Stephen and leave. Being alone was one of Dean's biggest fears and he had just gone and threatened it and Sam hated himself for it.

Sam slumped down at the kitchen table and put his head in his hands. He felt like sobbing. He desperately wanted to take care of Dean in the way his brother had always taken care of him all his life. The man he was today was down to Dean and Dean alone. Dean's childhood had been stolen by the hunt and their father's obsessive lust for revenge. His brother had taken over the parent role from their absent father and tried his best to give Sam the childhood that Dean could only dream about. He had gone without so that Sam could have and never once complained. Even before they had become lovers, Sam had known that Dean loved him, loved him unconditionally never asking for anything in return. Sam shook his head letting the despair wash over him.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Bobby sat down next to Sam nudging his shoulder gently.

Sam looked up in surprise at their friend. He hadn't heard Bobby come into the room. "No.... Yes.... I don't know," Sam stammered.

Bobby chuckled. "Which one is it?" he asked. "Give this old man a break."

"You're not that old," Sam teased with a small smile.

"Funny," Bobby replied. "When I got up this morning my old bones told me that I'm at least a hundred." Sam snorted softly staring down on the wooden swirls on the kitchen table lost in thought. "It'll help if you lighten the load," Bobby nudged Sam's shoulder again in encouragement.

"I want us to be a family," Sam said softly. Me. Dean. Stevie. And you."

"Me?" Bobby said surprised. He couldn't believe that the boys thought of him as family and it made him feel wanted and needed, something he hadn't felt for a very long time.

"Of course," Sam said ignoring the surprise in his friend's voice. "Why not? So we'd be kinda strange one. But... well strange and weird we can do," Sam pulled a face. "But Dean....," he stopped mid-sentence suddenly lost for words.

"But Dean what?" Bobby interrupted. He thought he already knew the answer but he wanted to get Sam to open up to him.

"I don't know what to do," Sam admitted quietly. "I wanna help Dean but the stupid stubborn ass won't let me."

"Make him," Bobby answered with a roll of his eyes.

Sam rolled his own eyes. "I wish it were that simple Bobby," he said.

Bobby shrugged. "Do you love Dean?" he asked.

"Yes," Sam answered loudly and without thinking. "Of course I do."

"Then ..... it's that simple," Bobby shrugged again.

"But you know how Dean is," Sam protested with an angry pout. "And at... at the moment he's all the place. I don't.... don't think I even know him at the moment dude."

"Mmmmm," Bobby nodded.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sam couldn't help snapping.

"Sam," Bobby sighed.

"I don't know what to do," Sam leapt to his feet and started to pace up and down the kitchen. "I know I've been kinda stupid recently...... I shoulda never dragged Dean here so soon after he gave.... gave birth but... but I was desperate," he waved his hands in the air. "I didn't know what else to do. And.... and I knew you'd help us."

Bobby smiled to himself pleased with the compliment. "I know," Bobby said calmly. "But you have to stop feeling guilty and beating yourself up and do something. Before you lose everything that's important to you."

Sam scowled but slumped back down next to the older man. "I love him so much Bobby," Sam murmured. "I just want him..... and I just want us to be a family."

"I think that's what Dean wants too," Bobby said gently. "But I think just now he's frightened and confused ....."

"Frightened? Confused?" Sam interrupted with a frown. "I don't.... don't understand," he frowned again.

Bobby sighed again. "Sam," he said. "For someone so smart you can be so dumb." Sam scowled at Bobby again. "Baby blues," Bobby declared.

"Baby blues?" Sam screwed his face up in thought. Confusion and guilt were bouncing around in his head making him feel dizzy and he had a hard time concentrating. Sam had vaguely heard of baby blues but was finding it difficult to work out what Bobby meant and what it had to do with Dean.

Bobby could see in Sam's eyes the war that seemed to be going on in the younger man's head and he was obviously struggling to understand his meaning. His brow was furrowed in concentration as he desperately tried to work it all out in his head.

Bobby decided to take pity on Sam. "A lot of first time parents suffer from it. And it freaks them out for a little while," he explained. "My little sister had it with her second kid. She couldn't sleep. Couldn't eat. Was snappy and irritable with everyone and... and well she had trouble bonding with her baby. Took her ages to finally cuddle the baby. Sound familiar?" Bobby asked cocking his head to one side.

Bobby saw the realisation dawn in Sam's eyes and he put one hand on the younger man's arm in support. "Oh my God," Sam breathed mentally kicking himself for ignoring the warning signs. "Is it like post-natal depression?" Sam asked in horror.

"Not as bad," Bobby quickly soothed. "I called Ethan to make sure. He said he wouldn't be surprised if Dean was suffering some sort of blues. But he did say it was unusual to have lasted so long," Bobby explained. "But then again he said anything was possible... what with Dean's body healing so quick."

"And it's normal?" Sam said and Bobby couldn't help noticing the hope in the tone.

"Yeah," Bobby assured. "Hormones can be a bitch. And I guess hormones and Dean is like... well like nitro-glycerine," he laughed softly. " You have to handle it real careful. Or it blows up in your face."

"How did I miss it? Why didn't I see it?" Sam's guilt was bubbling up inside him again. He had handled everything completely wrong and Dean was suffering because of him.

"Don't beat yourself up kid," Bobby could see the emotions and guilt flashing in Sam's eyes. "Dude you're a first time parent too."

"But I should have seen it," Sam persisted. "And the stupid idiot shoulda told me how he was feeling."

Bobby didn't know whether to tell Sam or not and he coughed nervously. "I think he tried to tell you earlier but you were kinda mad at him at the time," Bobby tried to keep the harshness out of his voice wanting to help not accuse or blame.

Sam screwed up his eyes and thought back to his earlier conversation with Dean and this time he saw his brother stumbling over his words. Dean had been trying to tell Sam something and he had just ignored it because he was angry. It was official. Sam hated himself. He sighed heavily and dropped his head to the table. He banged it several times on the hard wooden surface. "Shoot me now," he murmured as he banged his head on the table a final time.

"Give the table.... and yourself a break," Bobby chuckled patting Sam gently on the back. "But," Bobby said suddenly serious. "I kinda have this feeling that with Dean there's something else...something that's tearing him up inside," Bobby sighed with frustration. "But I'm not sure what."

"What do you think I should do?" Sam asked. He felt at a complete loss at what to do and he had no confidence in himself at all any more. He had messed up big time and Sam was terrified that he would lose Dean forever.

"Sam," Bobby stroked a hand down his back. "You are the only one that can help Dean. Talk to him. And this time listen to what he has to say."

"Do you think he'll let me?" Sam asked his voice wavering with emotion.

Bobby nodded. "Dean needs you right now...... more than he has ever needed you. And you have to be strong for him. Help him. Like he has always been strong and helped you."

"It's my turn," Sam whispered.

"Yeah," Bobby nodded. "It's your turn."

"I'll go now," Sam got to his feet as fresh determination surged through his body.

Bobby put a calming hand on Sam's arm. "Why don't I go," he offered. "I'll herd him this way.... hopefully without getting my head separated from my shoulders."

Sam bit at his lips. "OK," he agreed.

**Five minutes later......**

Sam had been pacing the room working out in his head what he was going to say to Dean. He had decided to start with I love you and go from there. Sam looked up as Bobby hurried back into the room frowning. "Did he come in here?" his friend asked.

"No," Sam said suddenly panicked.

"He's not outside," Bobby said with another frown. "I looked all over."

"Perhaps he took my advice about laying down," Sam turned and headed towards their bedroom Bobby at his heels.

Sam burst into the bedroom. Dean wasn't on the bed. He quickly checked the bathroom. Dean was missing. Sam's heart thudded in his chest his worry for Dean turning up a notch. Sam looked around the room again and his eyes settled on the crib. Something metallic sparkled as the light from the window fell on it. In two long strides, Sam was across the room and snatching Dean's necklace from the end of the crib. He turned panicked eyes towards Bobby. "He's gone," Sam cried as he wrapped the cord of the necklace around his hand closing his fingers tightly around the charm.

"Calm down," Bobby soothed as he moved towards the younger man. "Perhaps he's just gone out for a bit. You know to calm down."

"No," Sam shook his head. Tears sprung to his eyes and he swiped at them angrily. "He left this for his son. To protect him," he turned and lifted Stephen into his arms. Stephen immediately sensed his worry and started to whimper kicking his little legs in angry protest. "Ssshhhh," Sam rocked his son trying to calm the child. "Bobby," Sam whispered. "What am I gonna do without him? I can't do this alone."

"You're not alone yet," Bobby assured. "You know Dean better than anyone where would he go? Come on Sam. Think and think hard," he encouraged.

Sam pushed down his panic at the thought that Dean had left them. He screwed up his face in thought. "I don't know," Sam cried hysterically. The child responded to the rising hysteria vibrating through Sam's body and started to scream loudly in protest. Tears ran down his small reddened face as he cried wriggling in distress in Sam's arms. Sam tightened his hold rocking the wailing child from side to side. Stephen's screams seemed to get louder as Sam's panic gripped him. Unchecked tears ran down Sam's face as he thought about Dean alone and hurting.

"Sam," Bobby raised his voice over the screaming. "Calm down. We'll find Dean. Don't you worry." He put his hand on Sam's arm. "But you need to calm down. Now," he nodded his head at the howling child.

Sam stared at Bobby for a moment trying to draw strength from the older man. Bobby held his gaze smiling slightly in encouragement. Sam gave a small nod and swiped at his tears again. He started to walk up and down the room in an effort to soothe the child and himself. Sam forced himself to calm down pushing all his fears and worries about Dean firmly to the back of his mind for a moment. Stephen reacted to Sam's calmer body movements and his loud screaming started to wane slightly before stopping. The baby hiccupped and gave a few more protesting whimpers before opening his tiny mouth in a huge yawn. He snuffled sleepily and wriggled before closing his eyes. Sam stared out of the French window/doors across the back of Bobby's salvage yard.

"He wouldn't leave you," Bobby soothed. "He loves you both too much. He's just hurting at the moment."

"Bobby," Sam turned to his friend. "One of your back gates is open."

"What?" Bobby joined Sam at the window. "I never open them. No need."

"Where does it go?" Sam said as he rocked his now sleeping child in his arms.

Bobby shrugged. "Just some woods, a small stream and ... well more woods," he answered. "And beyond that the road into town."

"Dean's out there somewhere," Sam nodded towards the woods. "I think you're right. He's close."

"You sure?" Bobby said doubtfully.

"I know it," Sam said unhesitatingly. "And I'm gonna find him and drag his sorry ass back here," he said determined as he moved towards the window.

"You forgetting something," Bobby indicated the small child still cradled in Sam's arms.

Sam looked down at his son. He felt stupid but he had felt so comfortable he had completely ignored the fact that Stephen was still cradled in his arms. "Oh," he blushed bright red as he looked towards his friend.

Bobby chuckled at Sam's embarrassment. "Hand over the little guy," he said making 'hand over' gestures with his fingers. "I'll take care of him. You go look for that brother of yours."

"Thanks," Sam passed Stephen over knowing that their son was in safe hands. The child mumbled in his sleep but snuggled into Bobby's safe arms. Sam leaned down and kissed his son's head. "Don't worry Stevie. I'll find daddy and bring him home," he said as he stroked his finger down the baby's tiny face.

"You do that," Bobby said. "And don't let him try his usual tricks and push you away."

"I won't," Sam promised.

"And tell him you love him," Bobby reminded.

"I will," Sam promised with a smile as he turned to leave.

"Hell. Tell him we all love him," Bobby added. "And miss his ugly face."

"I promise," Sam replied turning back to his friend.

"And remember it's your turn to be strong," Bobby instructed. "No getting mad at Dean. Well not until you get him safely home."

"I remember," Sam answered. "And I promise I won't get mad."

"Well what are you waiting for?" Bobby asked impatiently. "Dean's out there waiting for you."

Sam rolled his eyes in exasperation putting his hands on his hips. "For you old man," Sam said. "To shut up and let me go."

"Oh," Bobby blushed and looked down at the small child in his arms.

Sam cocked his head to one side. "Anything else?" he teased despite his burning need to find Dean and bring him home.

"No. You can go now," Bobby chuckled and blushed again. "Go on. Get," he waved a hand in the direction of the back gates.

Bobby watched from the window as Sam jogged in and out of the car wrecks to the open back gate and disappeared into the woods. He stared down at the small child now wide awake in his arms. "Baby boy I sure hope you don't inherit that stubborn Winchester streak," Bobby whispered although he knew it was vain hope. The child in his arms was going to be raised by two of the stubbornest men he had ever met. But he also knew that the small child would be loved and cherished by two of the most loving and caring men he had ever met. "You're one lucky little man," Bobby smiled to himself as he turned away from the window and headed towards the living room. "Let's me and you get better acquainted," Bobby murmured. "We need a plan to gang up on your daddies when you're bigger. So Uncle Bobby is gonna tell you some stories about your daddies when they were little kids."

**Fifteen minutes later...........**

The rain that had been falling heavily for over half an hour had now stopped and Sam had been following what he hoped was Dean's trail for ten minutes. The ground had been trampled recently and Sam noted that some of the smaller branches of the trees had been bent back. Sam was sure that someone running had come this way and he hoped with all his heart that it had been Dean. Sam had called out for this brother not really expecting an answer. He made his way out of the wood and carefully down the slippery bank towards the stream. Sam stopped at the stream and looked up and down wondering which way his brother had gone. There were no foot prints to follow. Sam bit at his lip nervously. He was desperate to find Dean and didn't want to waste time going in the wrong direction. He chose upstream. He didn't really know why - he just had a strong feeling that Dean had gone that way. Five minutes later Sam saw his brother sitting alone on the opposite side of the stream.

"Thank God," Sam breathed in relief as he hurriedly waded across the stream ignoring the coldness of the water around his ankles and legs. The relief quickly turned to dread as he studied his brother. He could see that Dean was shaking slightly and staring sightlessly ahead seemingly lost in his own world. He was rocking his body backwards and forwards and didn't even notice that Sam was at his side.

Sam could feel his panic rising but pushed it firmly down. This was no time to descend into his own panic and let his feelings get the better of him. Dean needed him. Needed him to be strong for him. Sam slumped down next to his brother but not touching him. "Hey," he croaked as his voice nearly let him down. Sam took a deep breath to calm himself. "Hey," he repeated this time more loudly.

He was just about to repeat himself again when Dean turned towards him. Sam nearly gasped at the stricken and tortured look in his brother's eyes. Now he was closer Sam quickly looked his brother up and down horror filling him at the sight before him. Dean's face was pale with small angry red scratches across both cheeks. His face was still smeared with oil and grease stains from working on the cars. Some of the smudges had dissolved in the wetness streaking lines of black down Dean's face mixing with the blood reminding Sam, for some unknown reason, of streaked non-waterproof mascara. Dean was soaking wet and Sam noticed that the knees of his jeans were blood stained.

"Sammy," Dean frowned and Sam could see the confusion on his brother's face almost as though he hadn't expected his brother to come after him.

"It's Sam," he decided to go for the normality of their usual banter hoping that he could reach Dean that way and rescue him from the despair he could see in his brother's eyes.

"Go away," Dean snapped angrily.

"No," Sam said stubbornly as he shifted closer to Dean. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying right here with you."

"Stubborn ass," Dean muttered to himself. He hugged his arms tighter around his legs and closed his eyes. He didn't want to look at Sam at the moment. His emotions were raw and near the surface and Dean was terrified that if he looked at Sam they would all come tumbling out and he wasn't sure he'd be able to stop once he'd started.

"Damn straight," Sam said with a small chuckle. They sat in silence for a few moments. Sam fidgeted on the damp grass not able to bear the silence any longer.   "What did you do to your knees?" he asked.

Dean stared down at his blood soaked jeans as if it was the first time he had noticed them. He shrugged. "Don't know," he answered. Dean frowned slightly as he tried to remember where and when he had hurt them. Now he was aware of them the cuts and grazes began to sting and Dean winced in pain as he prodded each knee in turn with a finger.

Sam decided to try a different tactic. "Dean," he pleaded. "Tell me what's wrong. Let me help. I'm listening this time. Please."

Dean stopped poking his knees and took a deep breath steeling himself to look at his brother. He glanced sideways. "You don't care," Dean whispered. "I'm invisible to you now."

"What?" Sam asked. "I don't understand." He furrowed his brow trying to work out what Dean meant.

"You heard," Dean snarled. I feel..... feel like I'm invisible. All you want is Stevie," Dean accused bitterly. He knew it sounded stupid and selfish but he felt so alone and miserable. But it was his own fault. He had pushed Sam away, ignored his baby and now they both hated him. He deserved to be alone and miserable.

"Oh Dean," Sam bit back the tears that were threatening. He hadn't known what to expect but he had never expected his brother to be jealous of their baby. "You stupid idiot. How could you think that. We made him with our love. You and me. And I'm just enjoying him. Like I want you too... like I want us both to enjoy him. Together."

Dean stared deep into Sam's eyes trying to work out in his jumbled and chaotic brain whether his brother was lying to him. Sam held his gaze not flinching as Dean searched his face for a hint of an untruth. But Dean saw only truth and love reflected in Sam's eyes and expression. He felt so confused and bewildered and for the first time in his life he didn't know what to do. He looked away from Sam trying to gather his muddled thoughts together as he bit at his lips. "I don't know what to do," he turned bleak eyes back towards Sam. "I feel... I feel... hell I don't know what I feel," Dean finally managed to force out.

"I know," Sam soothed. "I know. But I'm told its normal for you to feel like this. It's called the baby blues and a lot of parents suffer from it after giving birth. And it's OK to feel like you do. I promise it'll go away when your hormones settle down."

Dean pulled a face not daring to hope that what he had been feeling recently was normal and would disappear. "Really," his voice betrayed the hope he was starting to feel inside. He just wanted to feel like Dean Winchester again instead of the confused mess of a man that he had been feeling recently. "Who told you that?" Dean asked curious but he could feel the hope building up inside despite his suspicious nature that nothing was ever that easy.

"Our resident baby care expert," Sam answered with a small smile. "Uncle Bobby."

"Our own Mr Spock," Dean said with a ghost of a smile.

"Dude I think you mean Dr Spock," Sam corrected. "Mr Spock has pointy ears and is an expert on all things alien ..... not babies."

"But I took it away from you," Dean frowned as his mind swirled his scrambled thoughts around and around making him feel dizzy.

"Took what away from me?" Sam probed gently trying desperately to keep up with Dean's erratic thinking.

"You know....," Dean shrugged slightly turning away from Sam again. "The whole.... pregnancy thingy."

"Dean," Sam said. "Look at me," he reached over and carefully turned Dean's face back towards him. "You gave me a beautiful gift. A beautiful son. And I was there for the two most important bits," he gave a soft chuckle. "His conception which I know we both enjoyed ......and his birth. Yes I would have liked to share your pregnancy with you. Been part of it and I do feel like I missed out on that," Sam held Dean's head firmly as his brother tried to pull away a look of guilt crossing his face. "But that's not important. What is important is that I love you. Very much. And I love Stevie and want us to be a family. Just you, me and Stevie."

"And Bobby," Dean muttered.

"Yes and that old reprobate," Sam gave a small laugh. "I think we're kinda stuck with him. Lucky for us."

"Sorry," Dean murmured pulling out of Sam's hold. He wrapped his arms around his drawn up knees again and stared out over the stream and the woods beyond trying to shut the pain and misery out. He was desperately clinging to the hope he had started to feel but at the mention of the birth Dean's mind had locked him into his own private nightmare again and this time he couldn't blame his hormones. The blood. Their dead son. Sam's accusing eyes. The hate. Dean shuddered.

"For what?" Sam asked as calmly as he could noticing that his brother was trembling badly. Dean remained silent locked in his own world. "I just said that you have nothing to be sorry about," Sam raised his voice as he pushed down the worry he felt deep within him. He had to remain calm and in control. Sam reached out and touched Dean on the arm. "Dean."

Dean flinched at the touched and seemed to withdraw further into himself. "Don't," he muttered. "I don't deserve to be touched. To be.... be loved."

"Why not?" Sam asked confused.

"I.... I nearly kill.... killed our son," Dean finally managed to choke out. He loved his son so much but every time he looked at the small child all he could see was a lifeless bloody body in his hands. It terrified him and he couldn't bear the thought of Sam hating him for killing their son.

"What?" Sam said surprised and shocked at his brother's words.

"Every time..... time I go to sleep I see him lying dead," Dean choked out. "And when I go to hold .... him it's ... it's just the same. He's dead... and I killed him and you... you hate me," Dean stuttered.

"Is that why you have never cuddled Stevie?" Sam asked gently suddenly understanding everything that his brother had been going through over the past two weeks. He hated himself for not noticing that the love of his life was hurting so badly but a new determination surged through Sam's body. He was going to help Dean and he was going to make Dean let him. As Bobby said it was his turn.

Dean nodded. "I wanna hold him. I wanna hold him so bad.... but I can't and it's killing me," Dean admitted.

"Oh Dean," Sam bit at his lip. "It wasn't your fault. It was... was just one those things," Sam assured. "And I am sure it happens all the time. And Stevie has inherited the Winchester stubborn streak and your... your love for life."

"If it wasn't for you," Dean choked out. "If you hadn't found me and then come back. He'd be dead. And all because I'm stupid. And stubborn."

"You're not stupid Dean... stubborn yes.... but not stupid," Sam said nearly laughing at the scowl Dean directed at him. "And Stevie's fine. He's happy, healthy and alive," Sam continued to try and convince. "And he needs his daddy. He needs you. And so do I. We love you."

"I'm scared of loving him," Dean forced out his final admission. He waited for the sound of Sam leaving him. The sound of Sam hating and being disgusted with him. Dean steeled his heart against the pain.

"Don't be scared Dean," Sam whispered as he put his hand over one of Dean's hands. Sam was still here. Dean stared sideways at his brother remembering when his father had said the same words to him. Dean could feel the tears welling up in his eyes and he bit at his lip.

It's gonna be OK," Sam soothed as he watched Dean closely. Watched as his brother struggled with his inner turmoil and demons. Watched as he fought his fear and terror at losing their son. He knew deep inside him that Dean wanted to reach out but didn't know how. Sam cursed his father for encouraging Dean to be so closed off with his emotions telling him that it would make him a better hunter. Bobby's words echoed in his head and Sam acted on instinct. He leaned forwards and pulled Dean towards him. "Lean on me," he whispered in his brother's ear. Dean tried to resist but Sam was determined. "You're freezing," Sam admonished as he pulled his brother closer to his body ignoring the dampness of his brother's clothes wrapping Dean in his arms.

Dean couldn't believe that Sam loved him after what he had nearly done. But he could see and hear nothing but love and trust in Sam's eyes and his words. His heavy heart felt lighter than it had since the birth and he could feel his unhappiness and loneliness receding slightly. Dean could feel the warmth of his brother's body as Sam pulled him even closer. So familiar. So loving. It made him feel safe and secure. "I love you so much Sammy," Dean murmured as he gave up his struggle and nestled closer to his brother. Dean could hear Sam murmuring to him and he could feel the tears stinging at his eyes again. This time he didn't bite or force them back. Sam was here. Sam loved him. Dean knew he needed to face his fears or let them destroy him completely. Dean gave out a strangled cry before letting the tears come, letting them flow freely down his face as he began to sob away the pain and misery.

"It's gonna be OK," Sam murmured as he stroked a hand gently through Dean's hair. "Just let go," he encouraged. "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere." Sam felt Dean's body shudder once then again as his brother began to let out all his suffering and grief. Sam tightened his hold on Dean as his brother's body was wracked with loud and heart-wrenching sobs. Sam blew out a long sigh of relief knowing that the healing process had begun. Dean was coming back from the darkness to the people that loved him. Sam continued to caress his hands through Dean's hair and down his back as his brother clung to him and cried in his arms.

Eventually the crying died down and Dean reluctantly pulled back from the embrace. He gave Sam a small smile which his brother returned. Dean's face was grease, blood and tear stained and his eyes were red and puffy but he was still beautiful to Sam. He reached out and gently rubbed at some of the oil stains with a finger. He caressed his hand up and down Dean's face. "It's gonna be OK," Sam soothed.

Dean nodded believing Sam. "I wanna hold our son," he whispered with a sniff. "I need to hold our son."

"I know," Sammy whispered

"You'll help?" Dean asked nervously.

"You try and stop me," Sam gave a small smile. "Stevie's at home and he's waiting for you. For us. OK?"

"Yeah," Dean nodded again. He swiped at his face. "Guess I look a mess?"

Sam snorted lightly. "I've seen you look better dude," he teased lightly. "Let's get you home," Sam jumped to his feet and held out his hand towards Dean. "Make you pretty again," he teased again.

"Sammy," Dean protested as he let himself be hauled to his feet.

**An hour later.......**

Sam turned to look at Dean. His brother was sitting on the bed crossed legged fiddling with the comforter nervously. After Sam had got Dean home assured Bobby that they were both fine, he had persuaded Dean out of his wet clothes and into the shower.

They had showered together. Dean clung to Sam as though he was frightened he would leave. Sam murmured soothing words as he gently wiped a soapy cloth over Dean's body eliciting the occasional pleased murmur from his brother. They had kissed, gentle loving kisses, as they re-affirmed their connection and love for each other. Dean had then allowed himself to be towelled down by Sam and had even sat on the edge of the bath tub without complaint and let Sam tend to and bandage his cut knees as well as the scratches on his face. Sam couldn't resist it and had kissed each of Dean's knees just as his brother had for him when he was a small child. Dean had teased him and they had ended up kissing and just holding each other.

Dean was now dressed in warm sweats, t-shirt and light sweater and a pair of Sam's thick socks to keep his feet warm. Dean looked so vulnerable, lost and tense as he wrapped the comforter round and round one of his fingers nervously. Sam moved over to the bed. "I only ironed that yesterday," he teased lightly as he put his hand over Dean's stilling the anxious twisting motion.

"You are such a girl," Dean whispered not looking up. Instead he let go of the comforter and grabbed hold of Sam's hand trying to draw courage from his brother.

"How do you feel?" Sam asked as he studied his brother. Dean still looked pale but there was a light in his eyes that hadn't been there since the birth. "And don't lie," he warned before Dean could open his mouth and say fine as was his usual habit.

Dean thought for a moment. "Sore," he admitted rubbing at one of his knees. "And kinda.... you know wrung out."

Sam nodded and rewarded Dean's honesty with a chaste kiss. "What about the pains in your belly?" Sam reached out his free hand and rubbed gently against Dean's stomach.

"They come and go," Dean admitted. "But there not as bad as just after the birth."

"I called Ethan again and he's coming out tomorrow," Sam put his hand up to stop Dean's objections. "He says the pain is a normal part of the healing process but I want him to check you out just in case. OK?"

Dean bit at his lip. "But I'm OK now," he protested.

"Dean," Sam said exasperated.

Dean let out a dramatic sigh. "OK. He can come but you have to stay with me when he's here. I don't wanna see... see him on my own."

"Not letting you outta my sight dude," Sam smiled happy that Dean had agreed to his plan. He decided to push his luck a bit. "And for the record I'm confining you to this bed for a couple of days. OK?"

"Sammy," Dean protested. "I don't need to stay in bed. I'm not sick," he pouted stubbornly.

"Dean," Sam sighed. "Let me take care of you for a change. Let me spoil you. Look after you," he persisted as he aimed his puppy dogs eyes at Dean. "Please. For me."

"I hate when you do that," Dean sighed in defeat. "OK I'll stay in bed for two days tops. Deal?"

"Deal," Sam grinned.

Dean glanced sideways towards the crib then back to Sam. He gripped Sam's hand tightly. "Is Stevie awake?" he asked.

"Yeah," Sam replied. "Uncle Bobby fed, changed and put him in his teddy bear pajamas. He's even had his nap so he's wide awake at the moment."

Dean glanced sideways again. "I think Uncle Bobby's in love with our kid," he said. His voice wavered and he cursed himself for showing his distress at the thought of their child.

Sam snorted. "I think he's getting soft in his old age," he joked trying to ease Dean's anxiety. He tightened his grip of Dean's hand. "You sure you wanna do this?" Sam asked gently. "You don't have to do it right now."

Dean stared up at Sam. He could see the love and concern reflected in his brother's eyes. He had been so stupid recently knowing now that he should have asked for help. Sam would always help him - he knew that now. And Sam would help him now. It made him feel confident. Dean gave a small nod. "I have to do this now," he said quietly. "I want to do this now."

"OK," Sam nodded. "But first you need this back," he grabbed the necklace from the bedside table and placed it over Dean's head. "You wearing this will protect us all," he whispered as he caressed his hand down his brother's face. Dean looked down at the charm around his neck and then up at Sam and smiled. He turned his head kissing each finger on Sam's hand.

Sam smiled back at Dean as he stood up and moved over to the crib. He gently lifted Stephen into his arms. He could feel Dean's eyes on him, feel his nervousness and he approached the bed slowly. Dean's body was vibrating with emotion and nervousness and Sam could see small tremors coursing through his brother's body. Stephen was gurgling and blowing bubbles blissfully unaware of how important the moment was to one of his fathers.

Sam carefully climbed onto the bed opposite Dean and crossed his own legs. The bed bounced slightly as he made himself comfortable and he wriggled forwards until his own knees touched Dean's gently. Sam switched Stephen to one arm and put the free hand gently on Dean's leg rubbing softly. "You OK?" he asked.

Dean stared at Sam and Stephen for a moment. His son was a few inches away from him and his whole body ached with the need to hold his son in his own arms. But he couldn't help feeling a bit frightened, what if Stephen hated him or cried or both. Dean could feel his panic rising again and he locked eyes with his brother. Sam held his gaze steadily and smiled. "I love you," he mouthed. Dean bit at his lip and gave a slight nod.

Sam nodded back. He carefully lay their son across Dean's crossed legs. Dean tensed slightly as the baby's weight settled across his thighs. He remembered that Sam had laid their son across his legs after the birth because he hadn't been able to get his arms to work. He closed his eyes against the images that the birth conjured up for him. Stephen didn't notice the movement and continued to gurgle and blow bubbles his little arms and legs waving in the air. Sam continued to caress Dean's leg maintaining the contact that he knew his brother needed.

Dean steeled himself, opened his eyes and looked down at his tiny son. There was no blood or death staring back at him. Dean blinked and looked down again to make sure. His son lay across his thighs wriggling and squirming as he blew bubbles. So small. So vulnerable. So trusting. But warm and alive. "He's so little," Dean breathed as he looked up at Sam.

Sam smiled and repeated the words he had said when Stephen had been born. "He'll grow." He had been holding his breath the whole time and exhaled relieved that so far Dean seemed to be coping with the situation.

"He's so beautiful," Dean said in awe as he reached out a hesitant finger and touched his small son.

"Just like his daddy," Sam whispered.

"You are such a girl Sammy," Dean teased.

"I think he wants a cuddle from his daddy," Sam gently encouraged hoping with all his heart that he wasn't pushing Dean too much or too soon. He still seemed so fragile and vulnerable.

Dean bit at his lip again. His heart was filled with trepidation and he closed his eyes for a moment trying to get control of his ragged emotions. He could feel his panic and nervousness receding and it encouraged him slightly. Dean could feel Sam close to him, feel his hand on his leg anchoring him and giving him strength. He could also feel his son's little legs kicking at his thighs. His family. He loved them so much wanting to be close and look after and protect them. Dean opened his eyes and looked down at their son. Still no blood or death. He looked up at his brother. Sam smiled at Dean.

Dean took a deep calming breath. He was going to hold their son. Now. Dean carefully reached down and put his hands under Stephen. He could feel the life flowing through their child and the warmth of the tiny body in his hands and it gave him courage. Dean lifted the baby up into his arms and cuddled his son properly for the first time. Stephen felt warm and vital in his arms and he smelled of talcum powder, new pajamas and teddy bears. Dean felt a burst of love overwhelm him as he looked down at the child he and Sam had made together with their love for one another. He studied every inch of the small body marvelling at the tiny miracle that was their son. Dean tickled Stephen's feet which made the baby gurgle happily and wave his hands in the air.

Sam had wanted to cheer with happiness when Dean had finally cradled his son in his arms. But he had resisted the urge remaining silent as he watched Dean take in every detail of their small son. Sam knew that they still had a long way to go but Dean had taken another big step towards healing.

"Do you think he'll get my freckles?" Dean asked with a small frown.

Sam scooted closer to his small family not able to resist touching his son's tiny face. He offered Stephen his finger and the baby clutched at it. "Oh I hope so," Sam whispered. "Because they are so sexy." He leaned forward and gave Dean a soft loving kiss.

 

 

 

 


	2. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continues on with Sam and Dean's new family! Tragedy strikes.... and Sam loses it

Sam folded his tall frame in behind two cars stacked on top of each other and watched his brother work on his current project. A battered bright red mustang had his brother's full attention and Sam watched as Dean leant into the engine fiddling with this and that. Sam couldn't help himself. He leaned further forward to admire the view of his brother's ass and legs. He sucked in a breath as Dean's t-shirt slid up his back revealing smooth tanned skin. Sam felt his mouth suddenly go dry and he groaned softly at the thought of his tongue and hands caressing the skin. Sam leaned a little further forward and smiled to himself. Dean was humming as he worked and he let the sound wash over him as he thought back over the last few months.

They had been living with Bobby for seven months now and they had both come to think of the cluttered and untidy house and yard as their home. Bobby seemed more than happy to have them live there and had even helped them renovate and decorate a small unused room adjacent to their bedroom making it into a nursery for Stephen. And the older man absolutely adored their son taking every opportunity to volunteer to look after the baby letting Sam and Dean have time alone. He showered the child with small gifts and Sam had even caught the older man singing a lullaby to get Stephen to sleep. They were a family - granted an odd one - but a family all the same.

Sam looked back to Dean. It had taken a couple of months with both good and bad days but Dean had finally put the trauma of the birth and the baby blues behind him. Sam had watched fascinated at the change. Dean had gradually become more confident with their son as his fears and worries slowly disappeared being replaced with a fierce and protective love. He had known it was irrational but Sam had even felt a little jealous for a time. But somehow Dean had sensed how he was feeling and had proceeded to wrap his love around both of them equally whispering in Sam's ear one night that he had more than enough love for both of them. And the thing was Sam knew, deep down, that Dean had a tremendous capacity for love despite his matter-of-fact and prickly exterior and Sam knew that he was loved just as much as their son was. Sam couldn't help loving his brother just a little bit more if that was possible and was determined to make his brother as happy as he could. As happy as he was.

And Dean was happy here. He helped Bobby in the yard and with the cars and was already building up a reputation for his restoration work bringing destroyed and battered cars lovingly back to life and full working order. Word was getting around and Bobby and Dean were kept busy with their order book filling up. With Ethan Driscoll's help, Sam had secured a teaching job at the small university, ten miles out of town. He taught English literature and loved it getting so much out of teaching and helping the students. Hunting had become a thing of the past and funnily enough it was he, not Dean, that helped Bobby out with research for hunters passing through.

For once in their lives they were both happy and content. They had a home and a family. They even had a small circle of friends. Sam was jolted out of his reverie by Dean's voice.

"Quit staring and hand me that spanner," Dean waved his hand in the direction of his tool box.

"I hate when you do that," Sam sulked as he stepped out of his hiding place. He picked up the requested d spanner and thrust it in Dean's direction. Dean chuckled and accepted the spanner leaning back over the engine of the car he was currently working on. His t-shirt slid up his back again and Sam stifled a groan at the sight.

"Where's Stevie?" Sam asked nodding his head in the direction of the empty play pen. It had become a habit of Dean's to have their son near him, safely in his play pen with a few toys, as he worked on the cars.

"Watching the game with Bobby," Dean answered as he straightened up and turned towards Sam.

"Dude. He's seven months old," Sam laughed.

"Bobby says it's never too young to learn," Dean smiled as he wiped one of his hands on his already grease-stained t-shirt. "But I think they're plotting to gang up on us when Stevie's older." He grinned at Sam.

Sam snorted. "I think you could be right," he laughed as he dropped his book bag on the ground. "So we're alone," Sam stepped closer to his brother.

"Yeah," Dean gave a small smile. "Just you, me and wrecks," he waved the spanner in his hand towards the assorted cars and wrecks that littered Bobby's salvage yard. "So how was school?" Dean asked trying not to think how close Sam was to him. "I was thinking about you all day," Sam leant forward blowing on Dean's neck. His brother shivered as Sam's hot breath caressed his skin. "I was thinking about you.... all dirty and greasy," Sam breathed huskily.

"What? Even with all those girls lusting after you in their short skirts and tight jeans," Dean teased as he waggled the spanner at his brother.

Sam snorted again. "And why would I want them....... when I have my own sex on a stick?" he leaned closer blowing on Dean's neck again. "In my bed .... and in my life forever."

"Possessive much," Dean said with a small pleased smile.

"Oh yeah," Sam nodded as he stepped closer and grabbed the spanner from Dean's hand. He threw it over his shoulder hearing it clatter to the ground with a loud metallic clang as he pulled his brother towards him. "Mine," Sam murmured as he pushed his brother against the car hungrily claiming Dean's lip in a passionate kiss. Dean moaned as he wrapped his arms around Sam deepening the kiss. They opened their mouths to each other and their tongues tangled and fought for dominance as they ground their hips against one another.

"Wanna play?" Sam pulled back grinning mischievously at Dean.

"Here?" Dean couldn't keep the squeak out of his voice and Sam couldn't help giggling. "You'll get all dirty," Dean said as he absently wiped his hands down his t-shirt.

"Don't care," Sam breathed. "Gonna take you now," he sighed as he caressed his hand up and down Dean's grease smeared face.

"Sammy," Dean croaked as he leant forward and swiped his tongue up and down Sam's neck. Sam growled deep in the back of this throat as he offered Dean his neck. Dean pushed Sam's shirt off his shoulders to allow him better access. He nibbled, sucked and licked at Sam's neck and ear lobes. Dean gently bit at his brother's neck marking him. Sam moaned loudly as he caressed Dean's back massaging his fingers across the firm muscles. Dean continued his assault on Sam's neck lapping at the red mark he had made with his teeth. "Love you," he murmured. "Want you." Sam pulled Dean into another long kiss that threatened to take both their breaths away. At the same time, Sam dropped his hand and rubbed at Dean's groin feeling his brother grow hard at his touch. Not to be outdone, Dean undid Sam's jeans and forced one hand inside grasping his brother's half hard cock. Sam moaned pressing into the touch as his penis quickly became fully erect under his brother's enthusiastic ministrations. Fortunately they were hidden from view and they efficiently stripped each other naked discarding their clothes in a heap by Dean's toolbox. Surging into one another's arms again their lips crashed together as they hungrily claimed one another. They groaned as they rubbed their cocks together enjoying the sensations and friction they were causing. "Wanna watch you take me," Dean said his voice husky with desire as he nodded his head to the right towards the car he had lovingly polished to a high sheen that morning ready for collection by its owner. Sam moaned as he looked where Dean was indicating. He could just about see their reflections in the gleaming body work of one of the already restored cars. "Dean," he sighed claiming his brother's lips in a long sensuous kiss. His hands and fingers restlessly caressed and massaged Dean's body and skin. Dean was on fire with desire as Sam's hands and fingers danced across his skin caressing and touching making his nerve endings tingle with yearning and need. He shivered with anticipation at what they were working themselves up to. They rubbed their nakedness against each other revelling in the sensations they were evoking and losing themselves completely in their passion and love making. Sam pulled back slightly glancing sideways at the shiny bodywork watching as their bodies moved fluidly against one another as they rubbed their cocks together. They caressed and stroked as their hands explored the other's skin. It was the most erotic thing Sam had ever seen. "You are so beautiful," Sam whispered as he ran his hands up and down his brother's back massaging gently. "Mmmm," Dean smiled softly as he turned his head to gaze at their reflections. "So are you," he sighed capturing Sam's lips in a kiss that again threatened to overwhelm both men. Dean dropped one hand between their now sweat sheened bodies to stroke lightly at Sam's cock running his fingers up and down the hard length eliciting appreciative moans from his brother.

"Love you," Sam sighed as he watched Dean move his hand towards his balls fondling them between his fingers. "Dean," he moaned as he dropped his own hand to Dean's penis and stroked gently. Dean sighed happily as he moved his hand back to Sam's cock. Mesmerised by the erotic image in the car's bodywork Sam and Dean watched, their eyes open, as they pleasured each other their hands moving restlessly up and down the other's cock. Their bodies moved as one in tandem as one as they thrust and jerked against each other lost in their love for one another. "Love you," Dean breathed as he ran his hand up from Sam's cock to his chest. He splayed his hand over Sam's heart. "Take me now," Dean urged drawing Sam's gaze away from the car towards his face. "Oh God," Sam growled in the back of his throat as he claimed Dean's lips in a savage kiss. He forced his tongue into Dean's mouth licking and sucking while at the same time massaging his hands in small circles across his brother's back. Dean returned the kiss fiercely as they each tried to possess the other. "Turn around," Sam whispered in Dean's ear his voice hoarse with desire. With a final long kiss, Dean smiled as he turned in Sam's arms. Sam stepped in close wrapping an arm around Dean's waist. Sam kissed and nibbled at Dean's shoulder flicking his tongue into the dip at Dean's shoulder blade. Dean sighed happily as he moved his head in a slow circular movement offering his neck for Sam's ministrations. Finally Dean lay his head back on Sam's shoulder. They somehow managed to twist and turn until their lips met in a gentle kiss full of the love they felt for each other. Releasing Dean from the kiss Sam pushed at Dean encouraging him to brace his hands on the side of the car. With a sigh Sam took a moment to indulge himself running his hands up and down Dean's sweat dampened body revelling in the feel of the soft moist skin. His fingers explored and massaged all the dips and hollows of Dean's back and shoulders. Dean pushed back into the touch murmuring softly with pleasure. "Mmmm," he sighed appreciatively as he rolled his shoulders against his brother's gentle touch. Suddenly impatient Dean spread his legs wide bowing slightly at the waist. Sam chuckled at the obvious invitation. He could feel Dean's body vibrating with sexual tension as he slowly rubbed his cock against his brother's ass. His own cock was so hard that he had to bite his tongue hard to stop himself from coming there and then. He struggled and finally managed to get himself under control.

"Look," Sam whispered as he nuzzled Dean's neck. They both looked towards their reflections. Dean's breath hitched as he watched Sam thoroughly wet his cock with his spit. Holding himself firmly in one hand Sam positioned himself at Dean's opening. With his free hand on Dean's hip for support Sam pushed himself gently up into Dean's ass. Dean moaned squirming against the initial penetration before pushing backwards to impale himself on Sam's cock. Dean wanted to close his eyes in ecstasy at the feeling of Sam's cock filling him but he couldn't manage to tear his eyes away from the shiny bodywork as he watched his brother's cock slowly disappear up into his body. "Move," he croaked. "Let me see you move." Sam growled softly at the request. He gently placed both hands on Dean's hips slowly pushing in and out of his brother's body. Sam didn't look at their reflection, his eyes were transfixed on watching his hardness enter Dean over and over as he thrust forwards his balls connecting with Dean's soft ass on every push forwards. Dean dropped one hand and began to stroke his own cock in rhythm with Sam's thrusts. They writhed and thrust against each other intimately and sexually joined together as one. Their movements were graceful and fluid as Dean pushed back meeting Sam's thrusts into his body. The sensory overload proved too much to hold back any longer and whispering each other's names they descended towards their climax. "Dean," Sam panted. "Let me see you come," he moved a hand joining Dean's on his cock. He squeezed gently glancing a finger over the leaking head as he drove his cock deep inside Dean. Dean gasped as he arched his back against Sam's firm body. Sam pumped Dean's cock again. Holding onto Dean tightly Sam watched Dean tumble towards his climax crying out his name his seed spilling over both their hands and his belly. Sam loosened his grip slightly as Dean's body continued to jerk and twitch through the aftershocks of his orgasm. He bit at his lip holding himself back. Still inside Dean, Sam nuzzled at his brother's neck patiently waiting. Dean murmured happily stretching his body slightly. "Do me." He twisted his head and smiled at Sam. "Now," Dean mouthed. Sam kissed at Dean's neck pressing him forwards gently pushing his legs apart again. Stepping closer Sam dropped his hands to Dean's hips again for support before propelling his cock upwards burying himself deep into Dean's body. He sensed that Dean was still watching them in the car's bodywork as he closed his eyes, the sensual feelings overwhelming him completely. He thrust hard again and closed his eyes at the sensations pulsing through his body. Dean moaned squeezing his muscles tight around Sam's penis. Sam groaned and couldn't hold on any longer. He thrust forwards again and cried out as he came his cock shooting semen up into the warmth of Dean's body. Dean continued to moan as his hands clutched at Sam's on his hips enjoying the feeling of Sam's release filling him. Sam's head rolled forwards and he bit into Dean's shoulder as he twisted and jerked his hips forwards falling towards the final throes of his climax. Finally spent Sam opened his eyes and carefully withdrew his cock from Dean's body. Dean whimpered in protest and immediately turned in Sam's arms. Sweat sheened and flushed from their love making they were both gasping trying to catch their breath but they automatically moved close to each other wrapping their arms around one another as they kissed softly reaffirming their love.   


Twenty minutes later they entered the house side by side. Dean moved to the refrigerator and snagged three beers knowing that Bobby would probably join them. Sam slumped down at the table and took a swig of his beer. At the same time he grabbed a cookie from the plate on the table and nibbled distractedly at it. He looked up at Dean and grinned happily. Bobby wandered into the kitchen Stephen in his arms. Their son was content in the older man's arms and was gurgling and babbling happily to himself. "Come to Daddy," Dean put his arms out and Bobby handed the child over. "You been good for Uncle Bobby?" Dean kissed his son softly on the nose. "Da-da," Stephen clapped happily before stuffing a hand in his mouth. Dean bounced Stephen up and down as he sat next down to his brother. Dean took a cookie and broke it in half offering it to his son. Stephen grabbed the cookie and started to eat messily. Sam leaned forwards and kissed their child's free hand softly. Stephen looked up offering Sam his cookie with a smile babbling nonsense at him. "Good game?" Dean pushed a beer towards Bobby.

"Yeah," Bobby smirked. "You?" he nodded his head to the oily fingerprints on Sam's shirt, neck and face. Dean chuckled loudly as Sam blushed furiously.

 

**Three and a half months later........**

"I must really love your Daddy," Dean whispered to his son as he came out of the grocery store, two bags precariously balanced under one arm and in one hand while his other arm was wrapped firmly around his child. Stephen was balanced on his hip and the baby was clutching at Dean's shirt with one sticky hand. "To let him borrow the Impala today."

"Da-da," Stephen gurgled happily as he stuffed his teddy bear's ear into his mouth. It was one of Stephen's favourite words and he repeated it endlessly. His other favourite words included 'no' a Winchester favourite and 'Bo-bo' which meant that he wanted Bobby to pick him up. "Yeah Da-da. The tall geeky looking one that turned his damned puppy dog eyes on me and I just let him have my other baby," Dean smiled at his son. "Da-da," Stephen repeated mouth still full of his teddy bear's ear. Dean chuckled and hugged his son tighter as he struggled across the parking lot to Sam's jeep. The jeep he had lovingly restored for his brother as a gift. He had found the car hidden at the back of Bobby's yard and had persuaded his friend to let him work on it. Bobby had readily and generously agreed and left Dean to his work. Three weeks later, Dean had presented the newly restored jeep to a speechless Sam and earned himself a night of passion and love making that he would never forget. Dean smiled to himself at the memory. Five minutes later Dean was driving out of the parking lot, Stephen and his teddy bear securely strapped into his baby seat and the groceries stowed in the trunk. Dean turned on the radio and began to hum along with the music. Stephen was happily babbling to his teddy bear as he waved the toy in the air. Dean kept glancing in the mirror looking at his son marvelling at how much he had grown and changed. The son that he and Sam had made together and loved so much. Dean regretted and still felt guilty about how he had acted after Stephen's birth. He had felt so hopeless, lonely and frightened but Sam had rescued him from his fears by just loving him and had helped him come to terms with his jumbled emotions gently encouraging until he had gained his confidence back. It had taken a while but now Dean couldn't bear to think of being away or parted from Stephen for too long. Neither of them could. Dean glanced in the mirror again and smiled at his son's antics and nonsense babbling. At just over ten months old Stephen was quickly developing a personality all of his own. He was crawling and into everything. He was even trying to pull himself up onto his wobbly legs and both he and Sam were convinced that their son would be walking within a month. Dean knew they were blessed. Stephen was a happy and contented child but he was also stubborn and determined like a Winchester and he definitely knew the meaning of the word no ignoring it frequently in his childish eagerness to explore everything. Dean had never really seen it but everyone said Stephen favoured him in looks. Dean squinted and had to admit that as Stephen grew older he could see the likeness. Stephen had the same high cheekbones, roundish face and pale green eyes as his own. His hair was a sandy blonde colour and he had also inherited Dean's hated freckles. But Dean was convinced he could see Sam in the small child and guessed that Stephen would take after Sam in his height. But it was the expressions the child had that were pure Sam. From stubborn to miserable to happy to downright angry. All of them screamed Sam. He even had Sam's gentle loving smile. And the puppy dog eyes. Dean was definitely out-numbered. Dean was startled out of his musings by two bright lights shining in his eyes heading straight towards them. He was puzzled by the lights as it was daylight and he frowned. Dean blinked as he saw another car hurtling towards the jeep. The car was all over the road weaving and swerving to the right and left haphazardly. Dean wrestled with the steering wheel trying to manoeuvre the jeep out of the path of the oncoming vehicle. Blinded by the headlights Dean vainly tried to swerve out of the way but the other car seemed determined to ram him. Dean slammed on the brakes and turned the wheel hard to the left. He vaguely heard the sound of crunching metal as the other car hit them hard head on. Dean felt his head smack the side window as the air bag engaged pushing the air out of his lungs in a huff as it smashed into his chest. The world went black momentarily. Dean slowly opened his eyes to the sound of the horn of the other car blaring into the silence. He glanced out of the shattered windscreen. The other car had smashed into the front of the jeep crunching up the front of the vehicle and buckling the driver's side of the vehicle as it had careered forwards out of the control before losing momentum and stopping dead in its tracks. Dean squinted but couldn't see the other driver. He brushed the glass shards off his jeans as he shook his head wincing in pain. Dean could feel blood running from his forehead and swiped his hand across his face to keep it out of his eyes. "Stevie," he cried turning in his seat ignoring the pain in his chest and stomach. 

Dean breathed a sigh of relief as he noted their son was still strapped into his seat whimpering. His teddy bear was clutched in his tiny hands and the expression on his small face was one of terror. "Daddy's here," Dean touched his son's hand tears stinging at his own eyes not really able to tell if his baby was hurt. Stephen scrunched up his face in distress and started to wail loudly. His loud cries filled the interior of the jeep seeming to get louder and louder. His small face was red and blotchy within minutes tears streaming down his cheeks. He kicked his legs and feet and seemed to be trying to get out of his baby seat. His wails intensified as he struggled against the restraining belts. "Daddy's coming," Dean soothed as Stephen's screams continued to echo within the jeep. He couldn't reach Stephen from his position in the front seat so he moved to open his door. Panic immediately gripped him as Dean found that he couldn't get out of the driver's door. He fought to control himself and his rising terror as he slid quickly and awkwardly along the seat and pushed his way out of the passenger door. He stumbled slightly as his feet hit the ground. Ignoring the pain in his chest, side and neck Dean righted himself and took a deep breath. Dean also ignored the other vehicle not even bothering to check on the driver. The engines of both vehicles were sparking and crackling as the mangled metal and plastic components cooled. Dean could smell gas and his fear threatened to overwhelm him. He had to get to his son. Dean could hear sirens in the distance but he paid them no attention only hearing the frightened cries of his child. The windows on the passenger side of the jeep had smashed on impact sprinkling the seats with glass. Dean knew he couldn't reach Stephen from the window as the baby seat was fixed in the middle of the back-seat. Disregarding the broken glass Dean pulled at the back door of the jeep with all of his strength. The door was jammed shut and Dean only managed to cut his hands on the glass. Stephen was screaming and Dean could feel fear and terror rise up within him threatening to choke him. A sparking noise to the left made him glance towards the engine. The engine was on fire. Ignoring his bloody hands Dean pulled and tugged frantically at the door. He beat on the metal in frustration bruising his knuckles. "Please," Dean screamed as he tugged on the door. The engine sparked again and out of the corner of his eyes Dean saw more small flames leaping across the hood. "No," he yelled as he pulled at the door again. Without warning the door gave way and opened. Dean fell backwards smacking his head on the ground. His breaths came in long wheezes and pants as the fall had knocked the wind out of him. Disorientated he lay on the ground for a moment trying to get his breath back. His vision was blurry and he squeezed his eyes shut trying to clear the fog from his brain. Stephen's terrified cut through his dazed stupor and spurred him to his feet. Dean scrabbled to his feet swaying slightly as a wave of dizziness hit him. Panting at the effort and wincing at the pain he felt all over his body Dean moved back towards the jeep and flung the door wide open. He ignored the smoke that had started to creep into the vehicle and crawled along the back-seat to his son. Stephen was still sobbing but his cries were intermingled with small coughs. With shaking and bloody hands Dean managed to unbuckle his son. "Sssshhh," he soothed as he backed out of the vehicle his son, along with teddy bear, clutched tightly and protectively in his arms. Dean moved well away from the vehicle and slumped to the ground his son hugged tight to his aching body. He shrugged off his jacket and wrapped his son in its warmth. "It's OK," he tried to pacify the wailing child. "Daddy's got you now. You're safe," he whispered softly. Dean didn't notice the paramedics and firemen arriving on the scene. Didn't notice as they put the fire out. Didn't notice as they rescued the other driver and loaded him into an ambulance. Didn't notice as they approached him. Dean was busy rocking his son whispering soft calming words. Stephen had gradually quietened and was dozing fitfully in Dean's arms his teddy bear clutched in his tiny hands. His small body shook every now and again as he coughed. Dean looked up as hands tried to take his son away from him. "No," he cried out trying to fight them screaming his son's name. Dean couldn't hear what they were saying as he struggled against their hands pulling him away from his son. A female paramedic had managed to separate them and was now cradling Stephen in her arms obviously checking the small child over. Panicked Dean struggled to his feet desperate to hold his son. "Stevie," he screamed as he moved towards the woman. His legs and body wouldn't co-operate and he stumbled. Dean could feel the darkness descending around him. "Stevie," he whimpered again as he slumped back unconscious into the arms of another paramedic.   


Sam ambled along the corridor his book bag slung over his shoulder. He was heading back to his office to catch up on the seemingly never-ending paperwork that his job demanded. But he was happy and he smiled to himself. Dean had called before his last lecture to let him know that he had a surprise and was treating them both to a meal in Sam's favourite restaurant in town. His brother had even organised Bobby to look after Stephen. Dean had sounded excited and Sam had tried to get his brother to tell him what the surprise was but Dean couldn't be persuaded and had told him that he would have to wait until later. Sam couldn't wait for the evening. An evening alone in his favourite restaurant with the love of his life.

As he neared his office he waved to Jake, the town's deputy sheriff, who was leaning against the wall staring into the distance. His expression was serious and he didn't respond when Sam waved to him. Sam frowned as he entered his office. Bobby was in the office staring out of the window. The older man turned towards him and had the same serious expression that the deputy had on his face. Sam's stomach lurched and he could suddenly hear his heart thumping loudly in his chest. "Bobby," he questioned.

"Sam," Bobby drawled. "There's been an accident."

**Half an hour later........**

Sam was sitting in the comfortable waiting area of Ethan Driscoll's brand new Trauma Centre. Bobby had disappeared to talk to the sheriff about the accident.

The Trauma Centre had only been open a month and they had all been in attendance when it had been officially opened. The Centre built in the grounds of Ethan Driscoll's home was fully equipped and boasted two small operating theatres, its own small ICU plus several other rooms and treatment rooms. Also only a few trusted personnel knew that behind some locked doors was another area containing a small treatment area, a four-bedded medical ward and two private rooms. This annexe to the main Centre had been specifically designed for hunters and their treatment.

The Trauma Centre had been the dream of Ethan Driscoll, their friend and doctor, whose parents had both been hunters. Ethan had wanted to provide a Centre that served the local community and surrounding towns as well as providing a haven for hunters who needed medical treatment. Ethan himself headed up the small and dedicated staff that also included his wife Molly and son David.

Sam glanced around the waiting room impatiently. He had been trying to sit calmly and had taken to reciting the words of a poem he was working on with one of his classes. But for the last ten minutes it hadn't been working and Sam had convinced himself that something terrible was happening to his family behind closed doors. He wanted and needed to see Dean and Stephen. He wanted to hold them and talk to them. Sam felt sick inside and was desperately worried. He could feel the tension and panic gradually building up inside of him and he balled his hands into fists to try and stop himself exploding. "What's taking them so long?" Sam said to himself as he finally exploded jumping to his feet. He started to pace up and down restlessly. After five minutes of pacing Sam thought his head was going to explode. Mind made up Sam headed towards the reception area planning to shout and scream until they allowed him to see his family.

Bobby chose that moment to appear from a small side room. He saw that Sam was heading back towards the reception area and the older man could see that Sam had a determined look on his face and was visibly upset. He could almost see the tension vibrating off his tall lanky frame. "Sam," he called stopping the younger man mid-stride.

Sam turned hurrying towards his friend. "What's taking them so long?" he shouted waving his hands in the air. "Why won't they let me see my family?"

Bobby had been expecting the explosion and anger ever since he had picked Sam up from his office and driven him in the Impala to the Centre. "Sam," he said gently putting a hand on Sam's arm. "Calm down. "I'm sure Ethan is looking after Dean and Stevie," he said. "And he'll be out soon."

Sam scowled shrugging Bobby's hand off his arm. "So what did the sheriff say?" he snapped impatiently.

"Come and sit down and I'll tell you," Bobby risked touching Sam again. Sam scowled at him but let himself be steered back to the waiting room. "Sit," Bobby ordered. Sam pulled a face but slumped down in one of the chairs his arms folded across his chest. Bobby noticed that the younger man's eyes kept flitting towards the double doors he knew his family was behind.

Sam looked directly at Bobby. "Well?" he asked.

Bobby sighed inwardly. "Sheriff says that Dean's jeep was rammed and run off the road by another car."

He couldn't help himself Sam's thoughts immediately conjured up all sorts of supernatural possibilities. He glared at Bobby. "Demon?" he leant forward his voice wavering slightly. He had hoped that they were done with hunting and all things supernatural.

"No worse," Bobby answered his face serious. "Drunk driver."

"What?" Sam jumped to his feet. He started to pace up and down the waiting room again. He turned back to Bobby. "Where is he?"

"Who?" Bobby asked slightly confused.

"The bastard drunk driver who nearly killed my family," Sam snarled.

"Sam," Bobby's voice took on a warning tone. He could see the anger and fury in the younger man's eyes and the intensity worried him slightly.

"Don't you Sam me," Sam glared at Bobby again and commenced pacing up and down again. He turned towards Bobby. "Where is he?" he demanded angrily. Sam knew he was being unkind to his friend but he couldn't help himself. Anxiety over his family was making him angry and unreasonable.

Bobby stared at the younger man for a moment before deciding on the truth knowing that Sam would sense if he was lying. He sighed. "Sheriff says he was taken to another hospital. They'll be charging him when he comes around," Bobby gave a another long sigh. "Not a mark on him apparently. Five times over the limit."

"At two o'clock in the afternoon?" Sam said disbelievingly.

Bobby nodded. "Completely outta his head."

"I don't believe it," Sam hissed. "He could have killed my family ... and... and he's not got a mark on him." Sam bit at his lips trying to hold back the threatened tears. He desperately wanted to see Dean. Desperately wanted to hold Stephen.

"I know," Bobby soothed.

Suddenly tired Sam slumped down in the chair next to Bobby drumming his fingers on his knee. He rolled his head to the side. "I didn't mean to be mad at you. I'm sorry," Sam apologised.

"It's OK," Bobby gave a small grin. "I know you're worried. I am too. So no sweat."

Sam nodded grateful for Bobby's easy understanding. "Why doesn't someone come?" he asked.

"They will," Bobby patted Sam's knee. "Try not to worry. Dean and Stevie will be fine. OK?" he said trying to convince himself as well.

Sam's answer was interrupted by Ethan Driscoll bursting through the double doors. In his early fifties Ethan Driscoll was distinguished looking with grey hair and glasses but he had an air of casualness about him that immediately relaxed his patients. He had an infectious boyish smile that belied his age, a wicked sense of humour and a deep voice that regularly boomed out instructions to his junior staff. Standing two inches taller than Sam, Ethan was built with the physique of a mountain man rather than a medical man and he towered over most people he met. But Sam knew that the man was a gentle giant and was also a dedicated and talented doctor/surgeon. Ethan and his family had also become firm friends of himself and Dean.

Sam jumped up and met Ethan half way. "How's Dean? Stevie? What's happening? I want to see them. When can I see them?" Sam bombarded the doctor with questions not pausing for breath. "Are they OK?"

"Sam," Ethan boomed. "Take a breath," he pushed the younger man back towards the seating area. "Let's sit... and I'll tell you everything. OK?" he promised.

Sam nodded, glanced longingly towards the double doors but again allowed himself to be led back to the waiting room. He sat down and leaned forward. "Are they OK?" he whispered trying to keep the waver out of his voice but failing miserably. He was terrified that Ethan was going to give him some bad news and he couldn't bear the thought of Dean or Stephen going through any more unnecessary pain and hurt. Sam could feel the panic rising up within him. He clenched and unclenched his hands over and over trying to keep himself in control.

Ethan drew up a seat and sat down in front of Sam. "OK. First off ... they are both doing OK," he assured patting Sam on the knee gently. He glanced sideways at Bobby and nodded knowing that the older man was just as desperate to know about his 'adopted' family. Ethan seemed to sense Sam's rising anxiety and left his hand on the younger man's knee. "Stevie is suffering from very mild smoke inhalation which we are treating him for now." Ethan paused to make sure Sam was taking in his explanation keeping his eyes firmly trained on the younger man looking for any further signs of distress. "He is one lucky little boy. He's obviously shocked but he has no other injuries we need to worry about. His car seat saved him from more severe injuries."

"Bobby bought him a new one last week," Sam said and shot a grateful smile towards his friend. Bobby smiled back.

"But I want to keep him in overnight and may be tomorrow just to make sure. OK?" Ethan said. "And you can stay with him," he quickly added before Sam could protest.

Sam could feel himself calming slightly at the news that his son seemed to be relatively unhurt. "OK," Sam agreed. "What about Dean?" he asked anxiously.

"Dean is OK too," Ethan replied. "But he's very agitated and upset at the moment. Has been since he came around in the ambulance."

"Why?" Sam interrupted suddenly confused.

"He thinks Stevie is dead or hurt very badly... and that we're keeping it from him," Ethan answered honestly. "The paramedics took Stevie off Dean after the accident to treat the little guy.... but well..... Dean won't believe anyone... not even me... that Stevie is fine."

Sam listened with rising horror. He knew that it wasn't the paramedics fault but he knew that Dean would be frightened for their son. His brother was extremely protective of them both and had probably convinced himself that the doctors were lying to him about the condition of their son. "I could talk to him," Sam offered knowing that he was probably the only person that could calm his brother.

Ethan gave Sam a warm smile. "I was kinda hoping you were gonna say that," he said. "I think he just might believe you."

"How badly is Dean hurt?" Sam asked still desperately worried about his brother.

Ethan sighed. "That's my other problem. Dean won't let us treat him," the kindly doctor explained. "So I can't really assess him properly."

"What?" Sam jumped to his feet worry turning to anger. "Show me where the stubborn asshole is... and I'll get him to let you treat him," Sam said angrily.

"Sam," Ethan got to his feet and used his height to force the younger man to sit back down. Bobby moved seats and was now sitting next to Sam offering him what comfort he could by running his hand up and down Sam's forearm. "I can understand why Dean won't allow us to treat him," Ethan continued.

"He's just being stupid and stubborn," Sam accused glaring at Ethan.

"I don't think so," Ethan shook his head. "Sam. Dean's pregnant... I did a quick examination before he completely freaked out and I suspect he's may be 12 weeks along. And Dean thinks that any treatment we do will harm his baby."

"What?" Sam uttered shocked at Ethan's words.

"You didn't know?" Ethan asked gently.

"No," Sam replied looking at the floor desperately trying to come to terms with Dean being pregnant. It suddenly hit him and Sam looked back up at Ethan. "I think Dean was going to tell me tonight. He was taking me out to dinner. And he sounded so... so excited," Sam explained as he bit on his lip fighting back his tears.

"I don't think Dean has known for long," Ethan stated. "Said he hadn't been sick or anything this time around. So I guess he's only known for a few days."

"So how are you gonna treat Dean?" Sam asked.

"At the moment I'm monitoring him," Ethan said. "He let me start an IV drip and I slipped him a mild sedative to keep him calm. He's in a degree of pain from the accident..... back and legs mostly. But I have to say that Dean being in pain is a good sign."

"How come?" Sam interrupted not able to bear the thought of Dean being in any kind of pain.

"Means there's a good chance that there is no paralysis. And I'm fairly confident from what he let me do that he has no major injuries of concern. But I really need to get him x-rayed to make sure," Ethan explained. "The paramedics told me that the jeep's air bag had inflated .....so that probably hit him pretty hard. He's definitely got a concussion, some minor cuts to his hands and bruising just about everywhere. But they also said he was moving about and had gotten himself and Stevie out of the vehicle. But I just want to be sure he's done himself no permanent damage. So I've got him as immobilised as much as I can under the circumstances. Just as precaution."

Sam nodded at the doctor's explanation. "And the baby?" Sam questioned still slightly shocked that Dean and he were having a second child. They hadn't been taking any precautions not believing that Dean would ever conceive again thinking that the first time had been a lucky and beautiful fluke.

"So far so good," Ethan confirmed. "Again I'm monitoring him. I've taken every precaution I can but I do have some concerns," he put up his hand up as Sam opened his mouth to say something. "But we'll have to wait and see. That's all I can tell you at the moment."

Sam nodded again. "Can I see Stevie now? Then I can tell Dean he's OK."

"We really need to start treating Dean," Ethan stressed again. "And I promise we'll do everything and take every precaution we can to ensure no harm comes to the baby. OK?"

"OK," Sam trusted that Ethan would look after his family. "I'll do my best to persuade Dean," he promised. "Now can I see Stevie?"

"Of course," Ethan smiled at Sam as he got to his feet. "Follow me," he instructed. "Stevie's just along here charming all my nurses. Dean's in the annexe so I can monitor his condition and the pregnancy away from prying eyes."

"Thanks Ethan," Sam said gratefully as he got to his feet. He grabbed for Bobby making sure the older man knew he was coming with him. Bobby smiled gratefully at Sam and got to his feet. Bobby had decided to remain silent during Ethan's explanation knowing that Sam would want to be the one to ask questions, but he needed to see his 'adopted' family to make sure they were both fine.

**Fifteen minutes later.......**

Sam was standing outside Dean's room. He had spent ten minutes carefully holding their child in his arms satisfying himself that Stephen wasn't hurt. The baby had coughed every now and again but seemed happy and content despite the IV drip that had been inserted into his tiny hand and taped securely. Sam had left Bobby with the child not wanting Stephen to be alone with strangers.

Sam knew that Ethan was worried about Dean and the baby. He could sense it but could also see the concern in the older man's eyes. And Sam knew, deep down, that he himself was going to have a hard time persuading his stubborn brother to accept some treatment for his own injuries. But first Sam had to convince Dean that their son was fine.

Sam took a deep breath and pushed the door open. Ethan had warned him that the temporary measures to keep Dean still looked primitive but assured him they were doing the job until they could assess his brother's condition properly.

Sam moved quickly to his brother's side. Dean was laying flat on the bed. There were no pillows under his head and Sam thought his brother looked really uncomfortable. Dean seemed to be asleep and was deathly pale. The left side of his face was covered in black and blue bruising where Sam assumed his head had hit something in the jeep, probably the window. An IV drip was attached to one hand and Dean was being monitored by a myriad of machines that were beeping and whirring into the silence of the room. Looking closer at this brother Sam could see that Dean's ankles, legs and thighs had been strapped to the bed and he had an uncomfortable looking cervical collar around his neck. His head, neck and shoulders had been braced with a combination of heavy foam blocks and an evil looking metal contraption to keep him still. Several rows of pillows had been positioned between the metal rail of the bed and his body, again Sam presumed, to keep Dean as still as possible. His bandaged hands and arms appeared to be free of strapping.

Sam grabbed one of his brother's hands as he leant forward and gently touched Dean's face. "Dean," he whispered as he carefully stroked his hand through his brother's hair careful not to disturb the apparatus holding Dean still. "It's Sam."

"Sammy," Dean struggled to open his eyes.

"Yeah. I'm here," Sam soothed.

"Can't move with all this metalwork and pillow crap," Dean hissed. "Get me outta here."

"Soon," Sam replied as he leant down and kissed Dean gently on the lips. Dean sighed at the touch.

"Stevie," Dean's eyes snapped open and Sam could feel the panic and tension coursing through his brother's body. Dean was trying to move and Sam was terrified that his brother would do permanent damage to himself. "Where's Stevie?" Dean cried.

"Sssshhh," Sam soothed trying to calm Dean. "He's fine. I've just come from him. Bobby stayed with him so he's not alone," he reassured.

"They took him away. I couldn't see what they... they were doing to him," Dean said. "I thought.... thought he was... was....," he stammered blinking away the tears that had formed in his eyes.

"I know," Sam said keeping his tone as calm as possible as he wiped Dean's tears away. "But he's fine. He's charming all the nurses. Just like his daddy does."

Dean looked up at Sam searching his face for any hint of a lie but all he could see reflected in the depths was love, worry and truth. "Promise?" Dean couldn't help asking.

"I promise," Sam assured. He could feel his brother gradually calming as his body relaxed. "You saved him Dean. You saved our son."

Dean gave a small smile. "Can I see him?" he asked hopefully.

"In a little while," Sam answered. "First we have to get you sorted. OK?"

"Sammy," Dean started to say.

"Dean," Sam interrupted putting a finger on Dean's lips. "I know about the baby."

"Sorry," Dean closed his eyes not able to bear seeing accusation in Sam's eyes.

"For what?" Sam asked still stroking Dean's hair. "You've got nothing to be sorry for."

"For .... for not telling you," Dean opened his eyes slightly. Sam smiled at him encouragingly. "I ..... I wanted it to be a surprise. Was gonna tell you tonight over dinner," Dean whispered.

"I know," Sam soothed. "It's OK. But you've got to let Ethan treat you."

"But," Dean interrupted. "It might hurt the baby."

"Ethan said that he can treat you without hurting the baby." Sam explained as he moved his hand gently stroking over Dean's belly. "Then we can get you outta all this stuff. OK?"

Dean bit at his lip. "I'm OK," he said softly. "I can even wiggle my toes."

Sam snorted. "Yeah right," he said. "That's why Ethan has you all tied up," Sam leaned down closer and whispered in Dean's ear. "And tying you up is my job." Dean gave a small chuckle and squeezed Sam's hand. "Please let him check you over," Sam pleaded. "For me."

Dean rolled his eyes in frustration knowing that he would agree to treatment to make Sam happy. He also knew deep down that he was being stupid refusing treatment but he was terrified for his unborn child, afraid that any treatment he had for himself would hurt the child. But he was in pain and if he had been able to reach the call button he would have asked for some help. His whole body ached and he was so tired. Stabbing pains in his chest, side and stomach were scaring him and he had been trying to ignore them for the last half an hour hoping they would fade. Instead they were suddenly and without warning intensifying and he could hardly stop himself from crying out in pain. "Sammy," he murmured tightening his grip of his brother's hand.

"I know you're frightened," Sam said. "But it'll be OK."

Dean squeezed his eyes shut as a sharp pain lanced across his stomach taking his breath away. He clutched at Sam's hand and struggled to breath through the pain. "Sammy," Dean managed to croak out. "Get Ethan?" Dean closed his eyes again as the pain blossomed across his belly again. The pain was unbearable and he sensed that he may be bleeding but couldn't move to check for himself. Dean was suddenly terrified. "Sammy," he gasped tightening his grip on his brother again as another sharp pain assailed his body.

"Are you OK?" Sam said suddenly panicked himself as he heard the terror in his brother's voice. One of the monitors had started to beep louder and Sam glanced at it but didn't understand any of the readings. Sam looked back towards his brother. Dean had paled even more than before, sweat was running down his face and Dean was gripping his hand so tightly he thought it might break under the pressure. Dean was obviously in severe pain and Sam could see tears leaking out of his brother's closed eyes as he struggled to get his breathing and the pain under control. Sam leant over the bed and grabbed the call button. He pressed it over and over as he held Dean's hand tightly whispering soothing words.

**An hour later......**

Sam was in danger of wearing a hole in the floor as he paced up and down Stephen's hospital room. His son was asleep and Bobby was slumped in a chair next to the bed. After Ethan and a nurse had arrived in Dean's room Sam had been thrown out and he had heard no news of Dean since. "Do you think he's OK?" Sam asked for the fiftieth time.

Bobby gave the younger man a small reassuring smile. "Sam," he said. "Why don't you sit down. I'm sure as soon as there's any news Ethan will come and get you." Bobby was worried about Dean and had slipped out of the room on the pretence of a bathroom break to see if he could find out any news. Bobby had found Molly, Ethan's wife, and she had tried to reassure him but he could see it in her eyes that Dean wasn't doing so well. Bobby knew that the future was probably going to bring more pain to the brothers. It wasn't fair. They had been through so much. Lost so much. They deserved only happiness in their lives. They had paid enough in his opinion and Bobby was determined to be there for the boys. He gave Sam another small smile.

Sam pulled a face but went to sit down as Ethan came into the room dressed in blue hospital scrubs. Sam remained on his feet and stared at the doctor searching his face for any information on his brother. He could feel a sob rising up within him at the serious expression on Ethan's face but pushed it down roughly. He had to be strong. Strong for Dean.

"I'm so sorry," Ethan said softly with a shake of his head as he ran his hand through his grey hair.

Sam was out of the room and running down the corridor before Ethan finished telling him that Dean had lost their baby. Never heard him saying that they had done everything they could but the shock of the accident had most likely caused Dean to lose their child. Sam never even heard the doctor telling him that Dean had now been properly examined, x-rayed and released from the strapping and metal apparatus having suffered no other serious injury from the accident. Never heard him saying how sorry he was again. Sam was running towards Dean. Had to be with Dean. Holding Dean.

Breathless Sam arrived at Dean's door. He took several deep breaths and pushed open the door. Dean was laying on his side his back to the door. Sam could see his shoulders moving slightly and knew that his brother was crying for their lost child. Sam hurried over to the bed. Not caring whether the nurses and doctors protested, Sam kicked off his sneakers and carefully climbed onto the bed laying behind Dean. Sam wrapped his arms around his brother pulling him close. Immediately with a moan of pain Dean turned awkwardly in his embrace clutching desperately at his shirt and burying his head in Sam's chest. He was sobbing uncontrollably and Sam could hear him repeating the word sorry over and over as he cried.

But Sam was determined not to cry. He bit back the threatened tears and forced the sobs down deep within himself. He wasn't going to allow himself to cry or feel any emotion. His heart was cold and determined and Sam made himself a promise there and then as he held his brother whispering soothing words. He was going to hunt the drunk driver down and kill him slowly with his bare hands.

**Sam**

Today was the day. The day he took his revenge on the bastard that had nearly killed his family, revenge on the bastard that had hurt Dean and Stevie and killed their unborn child. Today was the day that Samuel Winchester would take his revenge.

Sam stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. He flinched not really recognising the face staring back at him. The face staring back at him was old looking, haggard and hardened devoid of all emotion. His eyes were dull and lifeless and his jaw and face were set firmly into an expression that even Sam himself couldn't fathom, didn't wanted to understand and certainly didn't want to explain to anyone, not even Dean. It was the face of a hardened and embittered hunter and deep down a little voice told him that he hated it. Sam scowled at himself and leant down to splash water on his face.

Sam was ready. Had been preparing for the two weeks ever since Dean and Stephen had been released from Ethan's Trauma Centre. He had taken time away from school without telling Dean or Bobby and instead spent the time tracking and stalking his prey learning his every move, his every habit. The drunk had a name. Brett Simons. He lived forty miles from Bobby's salvage yard and on the outside he was a normal guy with a wife and two children. He had a big house and a well paid job. But Sam knew better. Brett Simons was a drunk and Sam had followed him to the same bar every lunch time and watched as the man slowly consumed drink after drink laughing and joking with office colleagues. Simons had no remorse. He continued to drink and Sam had watched shocked as each day after his liquid lunch the man had swayed from side to side as he walked down the alleyway getting into his car and driving back to his office.

Sam had hacked into the police department's computer system and found all the information he needed to help him. Sam had read with horror the transcript from his police interview. Simons hadn't even remembered hitting another vehicle. Had no memory of nearly killing Dean and Stephen. Brett Simons had been charged and would be appearing in court the following week. It was unclear from the police reports what the outcome would be although a jail sentence was a possibility. But it wasn't enough for Sam. Brett Simons was going to pay. In blood. His blood.

Sam had documented his every movement and knew the exact time he would strike. Sam found his mind wandering to Simons' family, had even seen them as he had been watching. They seemed like a normal happy family and Sam had to keep reminding himself that this man had hurt his family and for that Sam would never forgive him.

Sam shook himself out of his thoughts and crept back into the bedroom. Dean was sprawled across their bed still sleeping. The bruising on his face was slowly fading and the cuts from the glass had healed. But Sam could see the dark circles under his brother's eyes and Dean still looked too pale for Sam's liking. Dean was suffering and every time he looked at his brother he could see grief reflected in the pale green eyes. Dean needed him but he couldn't bring himself to lose focus with his mission. Sam felt a stab of guilt knowing that he hadn't really been taking care of Dean these last two weeks. He had hurt his brother with his actions and cruel words. His heart ran cold at the horrible words he had slung at Dean over the last two weeks. Sam desperately wanted to hold Dean and tell his brother that everything was OK but instead he had turned away from him. He couldn't look at Dean, couldn't talk t him and hardly touched their son and Sam hoped that his brother would forgive him, still love him and not hate him for how he had treated him over the last two weeks. But Sam had convinced himself that it had to be this way because he knew that if he allowed himself to feel grief or pain or even love for Dean and Stephen his resolve to kill Simons would weaken. But it hurt deep inside him and he used it as a weapon to keep himself hardened to the fact that he was going to kill Simons.

Sam told himself over and over that he would make it up to Dean after he had taken care of business. He needed to feel nothing. Needed to be ruthless and callous in order to carry his plan through to its end. Uncharacteristically Dean hadn't retaliated at all and had remained calm although Sam could see the hurt and confusion in his brother's pale eyes. Bobby hadn't been so reticent in his opinion of Sam's behaviour and they had come to blows on more than one occasion. He cringed as he remembered slamming his friend against the wall in temper. Dean had broken them up and Sam couldn't help cursing himself on putting added pressure onto his already suffering brother.

Sam hated himself and the guilt he felt threatened to choke him but he found himself easily justifying his actions. He was out of control, couldn't help himself and had convinced himself that he was doing this for Dean and Stephen. But today it would all be over. Justice would be served and they could go back to living their lives together and happy. Today he would strike. It would be a hunter's justice. Sam snorted softly never believing he would ever think or act like the ruthless hunter he had been trained to be by his father.

And like his father, his vengeance had taken up all his time and Sam had found himself obsessed with his own personal hunt unable or unwilling to release himself from his revenge. His little inner voice kept taunting him - like father like son - but he ignored it. Deep down Sam recognised that his self-imposed bottled up emotions were the fuel nurturing his blind rage but he couldn't allow himself to be weak and emotional. He needed to be focussed on his task. Focussed on his prey.

Sam carefully sat down on the edge of the bed watching his brother sleep. Dean mumbled in his sleep instinctively rolling towards Sam. He leant forward and gently kissed Dean on the forehead. "I love you," Sam whispered. Dean frowned and mumbled again but remained asleep. Sam stood and took another look at Dean before quickly and silently leaving the room. He had an appointment to keep.

**Dean**

Turning on the shower Dean stepped into the cubicle turning his head upwards letting the hot water beat down on his body. He was tired and his whole body still ached from the after-effects of the accident. Dean had woken to find Sam already gone. Dragging himself out of bed Dean had woken Stephen, bathed, changed and dressed him leaving him with Bobby in the kitchen while he snatched a quick shower.

Dean sighed. Sam hated him. He knew it. His brother hadn't spoken to him properly for days. Sam had been unusually quiet keeping his distance from them all. And when he did say something it was always snappy and hurtful. Dean knew that Bobby was nearing the end of his tether and Dean had found himself in the middle trying to keep the peace. Dean sighed. It was his father and Sam all over again. And it was all his fault.

Dean moved his hand down without thinking and rubbed gently at his belly. He realised what he was doing and felt the tears springing to his eyes at the thought that there was nothing there. Their baby was gone. Dean felt desolate and he ached for their lost child. He felt so empty and choked back a sob as he swiped at the tears. His thoughts turned back to Sam. His gentle loving Sam who had somehow turned into angry and hurtful Sam.

Dean had desperately been ignoring the cruel words aimed at him knowing that his brother was hurting too and couldn't control his temper or grief. Dean had even tried to talk to Sam but had been shouted down. Bobby had intervened and had been slammed against the wall for his troubles. Dean had managed to keep them apart but both men hadn't spoken to each other since. That had been two days ago and Dean was starting to feel his strength crumbling. He had been so determined to be strong. To get through the loss but he could feel himself tumbling towards a black depression with no way out and no-one to help him.

Dean couldn't believe it was so agonising. It was a pain he had never experienced before and it seemed like his whole body ached with the loss of their child. The grief was threatening to overwhelm him but he was fighting hard against the bleak feelings with everything he had determined not to let the loss drag him into a melancholy he might not be able to escape from. He needed Sam so much but his brother was locked into his own grief ignoring everyone that loved him. They both need each other but neither of them seemed to have the strength to reach out of the other. Dean found himself tearing up at the slightest thought and he hated himself for his weakness. He had to be strong. He had Sam and Stephen. They were his life and he wanted to move forwards putting the pain well and truly behind them.

But sometimes, like now, when he was alone with his thoughts it was hard to be brave and strong and Dean gave into the pain, cursing himself for his weakness, and cried for himself, for Sam and for their loss.

Memories of finding himself pregnant again whirled around his head making him feel dizzy and he braced himself against the wall, one arm wrapped around his belly. He had been so excited when he discovered he was pregnant again. Dean hadn't felt pregnant this time around, hadn't been sick or had any of the other tell-tale symptoms he had experienced the last time. He was really not sure why he had the urge to buy a pregnancy test and had been genuinely shocked at seeing the little plus sign on the stick and had sat staring at it for ages. They had thought the first pregnancy was a fluke one never to be repeated so they hadn't taken any precautions whatsoever. Dean could hardly contain his excitement and couldn't wait to tell Sam knowing that his brother would be just as excited. So he had planned a special evening out. A dinner at Sam's favourite restaurant with Bobby looking after Stephen for the evening.

But then the accident happened and now there was nothing. No baby. No excitement. No happiness. Just desperation and misery. And to make it all seem much worse Sam hated him. Sam wouldn't look at him. Wouldn't talk to him. And when Sam did speak to him his words were cruel and hurtful. Dean tried so hard to ignore the words, tried not to be hurt by them knowing that Sam was suffering too but they did hurt stinging him with their coldness.

Dean felt so confused, lost and lonely. Alone with coping with the loss of their child. Alone coping with two men, his family, who loved each other but hated one another at the moment. Alone in his pain. Still leaning against the wall Dean rubbed at his belly again before holding his arm across his stomach and letting the tears fall freely.

The only bright spot in his crappy life at the moment was Stephen. Fortunately their son didn't seem to be affected by the chilly atmosphere in the house. He was happily exploring every nook and cranny on his hands and knees. Stephen was learning fast and they had their hands full keeping the baby out of harms way. But he was a joy. A blessing in the darkness. And Dean knew that their son was about to take his first steps. Stephen had been experimenting with pulling himself up onto his little wobbly legs and Dean had watched fascinated at the determination on the small face at each failed attempt. The baby usually gave up after six or seven attempts and moved off to his next distraction dragging his favourite teddy bear behind him. Dean's heart lurched again. He didn't want Sam to miss their son's first steps.

Dean sighed heavily as he let the hot spray bounce off his skin. He turned his face up into the spray in an effort to wash away his tears. Dean moved his head from side to side trying to iron out the kinks in his neck. Turning around Dean flexed his shoulders back and forwards in an effort to ease his aching muscles as he let the water pound his back. Dean wiggled his toes in the shallow water that had gathered at the bottom of the shower. He sighed again as he began to soap himself up letting the hot water run down his body as he washed his hair.

**Fifteen minutes later.....**

Dean wandered into the kitchen. Stephen was sitting in his high-chair messily eating some toast. It was all over his hands, face and down the front of his baby-bib but he was smiling happily as he tried to give Bobby some of the soggy toast.

"Thanks kid," Bobby accepted the toast with a small smile. "Just what I wanted."

Dean slumped down next to his son. "What are you doing to Uncle Bobby?" he smiled at his son. Stephen beamed happily at him.

Stephen clapped his hands. "Bo-bo," the child squealed picking up another small square of toast and thrusting it towards the older man.

Dean chuckled. "Stevie thinks you need feeding," he teased.

"Do you think you could persuade him to offer me a steak next time," Bobby grinned as he accepted the second piece of soggy toast kissing the child on his nose. Stephen squealed and grabbed a piece of the toast for himself.

Dean looked around. "Sam gone?" he asked although he already knew the answer.

Bobby grunted in reply as he got to his feet. He had been simmering for two days now and today he was going to talk to Dean about Sam and his behaviour. He didn't care how the younger man treated him but he did care how he had been treating Dean and Bobby didn't like it one bit. He sighed knowing that it was probably going to be a difficult conversation. Dean was just so protective of his brother and let him get away with stuff nobody else would get away with. Bobby moved towards the kitchen counter and poured two mugs of coffee.

Bobby turned back to Dean who was now helping Stephen eat his toast. Dean was pale and Bobby could tell from the red eyes that his young friend had been crying. It made him want to throw things and bang doors in anger and frustration. He didn't really know how to help Dean. He knew talking probably wouldn't work so he decided to just offer his support whenever he could. Bobby sighed again. It was so unfair. He loved his "family" so much and couldn't bear to see them hurting and in pain. Dean and Sam deserved some happiness. Deserved a break. They had paid enough. He sat down next to Dean. "So," Bobby started. "How long you gonna let Sam treat you like everything's your fault?"

"What?" Dean snapped as he turned towards the older man.

"Don't act dumb with me Dean," Bobby retorted. "You know what I mean," he narrowed his eyes at the younger man.

"It doesn't matter," Dean turned back to his son fiddling with the toast on the baby's plate. He wiped distractedly at Stephen's sticky little hands. His son babbled nonsense at him and Dean smiled at the child's antics.

"The hell it doesn't," Bobby hissed. "Your feelings damn well matter... and it seems that our Sam doesn't give a flying.....," he slammed his mug on table. "He's bloody rude, downright hurtful and damn cruel at the moment."

"Watch your language," Dean chastised as he offered Stephen his toast.

Bobby rolled his eyes. "I can't believe you just said that," he said. "Dean Winchester.... the cursing police. The world has gone mad," he teased trying to lighten the mood.

Dean sighed and accepted the olive branch he knew that Bobby was offering. "We're fine. Don't worry Bobby," he argued. Sam's just.... just.... well you know," Dean said frustrated at not being able to find the right words to describe his brother's mood at the moment. He concentrated on his son avoiding the older man's perceptive gaze. Stephen clapped his hands again and gave Dean a big happy smile. Dean couldn't help smiling back.

"What about you?" Bobby asked softly.

"What about me?" Dean frowned. He went to open his mouth but was stopped by Bobby putting his hand up.

"And don't say you're fine," Bobby interrupted. "Because I hate liars worse than I hate demons."

Dean turned away from his friend again and Bobby pretended not to notice that Dean's hand had slipped down to his stomach and that he was absently rubbing at it. His heart went out to the young man and he wanted to get his hands on Sam and give him a hard slap to bring him to his senses. "I feel..... feel lost," Dean eventually admitted. His voice was soft and low and Bobby had to lean forward to hear what his young friend was saying. "Lost and alone. And Sam hates me because I screwed.... screwed up. And screwed up big time...... again." Dean looked up at Bobby biting at his lips to stop the tears. He was so sick of crying.

"Now look here," Bobby interrupted again. "You did nothing wrong," he carefully enunciated each word allowing it to sink in. "It was not your fault."

"But," Dean bit at his lip again unsure. He had convinced himself that everything was his fault and he had a hard time accepting what Bobby was telling him.

"It was not your fault," Bobby repeated firmly dismissing Dean's protests with a wave of his hand. Dean stared at his friend. Bobby held his gaze not flinching knowing that it was important that Dean understood what he was saying. A thousand emotions seemed to flicker across Dean's expressive face - sorrow, fear, hurt and shame, but Bobby thought he also saw desperation and need.

Dean turned away from Bobby again. Deep down he knew it wasn't his fault but he desperately needed someone to tell him. Desperately needed Sam to tell him. To just hold him and tell him everything would be OK. Dean gave Bobby a slight nod after a few seconds.

"Oh Dean," Bobby sighed. "He hasn't said it? Sam hasn't told you that it's not your fault, has he?" Bobby already knew the answer and silently cursed Sam again.

Dean bit at his lip. It was no use lying. "No," he reluctantly shook his head. "But don't blame him," Dean pleaded. "I know Sammy's being a pain in the ass. But please.... it's not his fault either. He'll come around.... he's just hurting at the moment."

"Is that all?" Bobby nodded his head.

Dean frowned pulling face confused at Bobby's word. "Sam has always wanted normal... you know that," Dean gave a small shrug. "And we kinda got it here with you... and Stevie.... and we're happy.... or I.... I thought we were," he turned towards Stephen lifting him out of the chair and cuddling the child close. He kissed the top of the child's head. "He'll be OK," he said trying to convince himself as well. "We just have ... have to give him some time. OK?"

Bobby sighed. "I don't think that's it...... yeah it's part of it but not everything. My gut's telling me there's something else. Something he aint telling either of us."

"I don't understand," Dean said even more confused.

"Did you know that Sam's hasn't been going to school?" Bobby asked gently. He could tell by the look on Dean's face that he had no idea. "For over a week now."

"What?" Dean said surprised. "How do you know?"

"I went there yesterday to try and sort stuff out," Bobby admitted. "Knock some sense into that thick Winchester skull. But he wasn't there so I spoke to his boss. Sam asked for some personal time a week and a half ago."

Dean hugged Stephen closer trying to get his mind around Bobby's revelation. He believed Bobby. Bobby had never lied to either of them. But Sam had been lying to him and he couldn't think why. Dean turned it over and over in his head. There would be no reason for Sam to lie to him. They never lied to each other. Suddenly an unwanted thought entered his head and Dean looked back at Bobby trying to keep his rising panic under control. "You don't think....?" Dean asked horrified not able to finish the sentence.

"Do you?" Bobby cocked his head to one side. From the look on his young friend's face he knew the same thought had just occurred to Dean and had to admit to himself that it frightened him. Sam could be a loose cannon sometimes.

Dean shook his head. "No," he said firmly. "My Sammy's gentle. He'd never hurt anyone."

"Well I do," Bobby answered truthfully. "It's just the kind of stupid stunt that boy would pull. He can be such a damn hothead sometimes."

"No," Dean shook his head. Stephen was squirming on his lap wanting to get down to the floor but Dean kept hold of his son desperately needing to be close. Needed to feel that his family wasn't falling apart.

"Dean," Bobby said calmly. "The man hurt you and Stevie... and Sam loves you both. You're the two most important people in his life.... but I think in Sam's mind he also murdered your baby."

"Oh God," Dean breathed.

Sam had imagined this moment for two long weeks. Sleepless nights had been spent laying awake dreaming about this moment. The moment he took his revenge. It was going to be swift and efficient. Just like the hunter he had been born to be. But now the moment was here all Sam felt was hollow and empty.

His mind was in a turmoil not knowing what to do. He was confused, angry and hurt. And just under the surface mixed in with the blind fury disappointment bubbled. Disappointment at not being able to share and enjoy Dean's pregnancy this time around. Sadness at not being able to hold a new baby in his arms. Their new baby. Rage at knowing that Stephen probably wouldn't ever know or experience the love and companionship of a brother or sister. The feelings ran around his head making him feel dizzy overwhelming him with their intensity and he hardened his heart again knowing that Simons had taken that away from all of them. His fury rushed back like waves crashing to the shore and Sam steeled himself against the nagging feeling that this was wrong.

Simons had been so easy to capture that Sam had felt almost disappointed. Sam lay in wait for him outside his favourite bar. As always Simons had been drinking and was swaying from side to side as he made his way back to his car. Simons never heard or saw Sam as he crept up behind him knocking him out with the butt of his gun. Sam had then bundled Simons into the back of the truck and driven him to an abandoned and derelict house which had a small barn at the back. Sam had placed him in a high backed chair placing it in the middle of the barn. He had stood for ten minutes just staring down at the man who had hurt his family and taken their baby away from them. Simons looked ordinary. Small and insignificant and he stunk of the liquor he had consumed at lunch. Simons had started to stir and Sam had stepped behind the man so he couldn't been seen and handed him a bottle of beer laced with sleeping pills. Simons had been pliable and confused but had accepted the beer without question and greedily drunk the liquid down. He was so drunk that he didn't even ask where he was or who Sam was and it occurred to Sam that Simons thought he was still in the bar. Sam's hate for the man grew and he could feel his blood boiling. Without thinking he had lifted his hands and had them poised near the man's neck. His fingers itched and his hands had shook as he fought the urge to snap Simon's neck there and then. But he had resisted shoving his hands in his pockets in an effort to stop himself and waited patiently for the sleeping pills to take effect.

Five minutes later Simons slumped back in the chair unconscious and Sam tied him tightly to the chair. Sam had then doused the man with three more bottles of liquor thoroughly soaking him and his expensive clothes. Sam had then left the barn without a backwards glance and bolted the door behind him.

Sam had spent hours laying awake, with Dean sleeping beside him, deciding how he would kill the man responsible for their baby's death. Even though he had nearly snapped the man's neck and had vowed to kill Simons with his bare hands Sam couldn't really bring himself to touch the drunk. He knew deep inside him that if he touched warm human skin he wouldn't be able to kill. So he finally made his decision after reading the police report that both vehicles had been on fire and his heart had run cold at the thought that if Dean had been knocked unconscious his precious family may have burned to death. So he had settled on fire. Fire he could handle. Fire was familiar to him. Simons would burn like every other evil thing they had ever burned during their hunting days.

Sam stood back checking that he had enough dry brush pushed up against the barn to start the fire. Satisfied he turned to pick up the torch he had pre-prepared and came face to face with Dean.

"Dean," he croaked not able to hide his surprise. Sam had been so involved in his task that he hadn't heard the rumble of the Impala, the squeaking of the door opening and closing or Dean walking towards him or anything really as he had been completely engrossed in taking his revenge. "What the hell?" He glared angrily at Dean.

"Sammy," Dean folded his arms across his chest as he cocked his head to one side. He regarded his brother for a moment desperately searching his face for any sign of his gentle loving Sammy but all Dean could see was somebody he didn't recognise, someone hell bent on killing another person out of grief and rage. Dean didn't like the Sam he could see reflected in his brother's hazel eyes. He wanted his Sam. Needed his Sam.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Sam snapped turning away from his brother. Turned away from the green eyes that reflected so much raw pain and grief within their depths that even someone as expert as Dean at hiding his feelings couldn't disguise. His hate and loathing for himself went up a notch and Sam swallowed hard but he couldn't look at Dean. If he looked at Dean his resolve would crumble and he had to do this. And do this now.

"I could ask you the same thing," Dean retorted as calmly as he could. "Although I think I can sorta take a wild guess," he waved at hand at the barn. Dean stared at Sam's back for a moment contemplating his next move. Dean wanted to reach out and hold Sam in his arms but he knew at this moment it wouldn't be welcome. He had also seen the dangerous glint in his brother's eyes and knew that anything he said or did would be quickly dismissed by this stranger in Sam's body.

Once he had resigned himself to the fact of what Sam might be planning, it hadn't taken him and Bobby long to figure out Sam's plan. Dean knew Sam well. Knew how he hunted and hacked into his laptop and found all the evidence he needed. As always Sam had made meticulous notes and was obviously stalking and hunting the man that had rammed into the jeep. But his brother was predictable and Dean knew he would chose somewhere familiar but away from prying eyes or interference. Dean had suddenly remembered the house and barn. He and Sam had found it by accident when they had left Stephen with Bobby and stolen some time for themselves. They had made love in the dusty derelict house and lain in each other's arms until dusk had chased them home to their child.

"Go home Dean," Sam said angrily.

"Not gonna happen," Dean replied folding his arms across his chest. "Not until I see him," he said surprising himself with his own words. He could hear his heart thudding in his chest and his throat went suddenly dry. He hadn't meant to say the words, they just spilled out but he wasn't going to take them back now. Hell would freeze over first.

Sam turned narrowing his eyes at his brother. "What?" he said not able to hide the surprise in his tone.

"I said," Dean said. His voice wavered slightly and he hoped that Sam hadn't heard it. "Not until I see him. Face to face." Dean set his expression not wanting his brother to see his rising fear.

"Knock yourself out," Sam replied coldly not really believing that his brother would carry out this threat. He turned away from Dean and tried not to look at his brother knowing that if he did his fragile emotions would come spilling out and he wouldn't be able to stop them. Instead he fiddled distractedly with his torch making sure the wrapping was tight enough. But he couldn't help watching out of the corner of his eye as his brother straightened his shoulders drawing himself up to his full height and marched confidently towards the barn.

Sam knew that Dean was safe. That there was no danger of Simons seeing his brother. He had checked a few minutes previously and the drunk was still unconscious probably a combination of the hit to the back of the head, the sleeping pills and the liquor Simons had consumed. Sam was also confident that Simons hadn't seen him. There would be no come back or police officers turning up on their doorstep. Simons would be dead soon and no-one would ever know who was responsible. Sam ignored the little voice that repeated that he would over and over in his head.

With his heart full of dread and fear Dean purposely ignored his brother as he marched past him towards the barn. He could feel his body trembling with the reality of what he was about to do. He was going to look at the face of the man who had caused them so much pain. Dean felt sick to his stomach, his heart continued to thud in his chest and his mouth was still dry. Taking a deep breath he stared at the barn door for a moment knowing that the drunk driver was behind the door. Dean rubbed unconsciously at his belly before reaching his hand out towards the barn door handle. It shook and he tried to steady it with his other hand. "You can do this," he said to himself as he grasped the cold metal in his hand. Dean clenched his other hand trying to work up the courage to pull the door open. He was terrified and knew deep down that he couldn't do this. It was just too painful. Dean didn't want to see the man. Didn't want to know what he looked like. Didn't want the man to be real. Didn't want the man to haunt his dreams forever.

Dean steeled himself against the raw pain that threatened to rise up and choke him. But he had to do this. He had no choice. Dean closed his eyes, took a deep breath and started to push at the door. Before he could push the door fully open, Sam came up behind him and slapped his hand away. Sam pulled the door closed noisily. "No," he glared at Dean. "You're not going in there. This is my fight, not yours," Sam knew he was being unreasonable and cruel with his words but he didn't want his brother to look at the man who had taken their baby away from them. Didn't want Dean to suffer any more.

"Who's gonna stop me?" Dean glared back challenging Sam. He couldn't help feeling slightly relieved but it didn't stop him being angry at his brother for taking his choice away.

Sam grabbed his brother by his jacket shoving him away from the door. "Me," he snarled. "This is my fight," he repeated again. Dean caught by surprise by Sam's attack stumbled on the uneven ground and fell over backwards. He hit the ground with a grunt the fall jarring his aching body. He wheezed slightly as the wind was knocked out of him and he lay on the ground struggling to get his breathing under control. Dean pushed himself to a sitting position and stared up at Sam. His brother had a look of horror on his face which was quickly replaced with the cold unfeeling mask he had been wearing for two weeks. Dean's heart sunk slightly as Sam turned away from him and kicked the brush back against the door. But Dean felt a small ray of hope rising within him. His Sam was still there.

"Since when is this just your damn fight?" Dean dragged himself to his feet. "I hurt too. Just like you.... you do. It .... it was my baby too. I had.. had to go through..... I was the one.. that... that......" his voice cracked and he couldn't bring himself to say the words so Dean let his sentence trail off into nothingness. He could feel the raw grief swirling around his body and he bit at his lips trying to force it back downwards. "I lost the baby.... not you," he finally forced the words out. He could feel his body trembling and he could feel tears stinging at his eyes as the pain of his loss washed over him again threatening to send him to his knees. Dean clenched and unclenched both hands and bit at his lips determined to keep his emotions under control. He wasn't going to give into the tears this time. He needed to be strong. Sam needed him.

Sam whirled on him anger glinting in his eyes. "I know that.... I'm doing this for you. And Stevie," he yelled. "Now damn well go home and.... and let me do this."

"Sammy," Dean pleaded.

"No," Sam snarled. He could feel himself weakening, feel his resolve slowly shattering within him. "No," his mind screamed over and over. Sam grit his teeth deciding to ignore his brother and his pleading not allowing himself to turn them over in his mind. Not allowing himself to think about them. Not allowing himself to recognise the truth and pain in them. Sam narrowed his eyes at Dean and scowled. "Don't try to stop me," he snapped. "Because I'm doing this."

Dean's heart sunk at the harshness of Sam's tone. He was terrified that he had lost Sam. With a deep breath Dean decided to change his tactics and move to Plan B guessing that arguing and pleading with Sam wouldn't work this time. Sam had obviously hardened his heart and was determined to carry his plan out. He took another deep breath. "OK," Dean replied simply as he turned back towards the Impala.

"What?" Sam couldn't help saying surprised that his brother was letting him get off so lightly. He narrowed his eyes again suspiciously.

"I said OK," Dean repeated turning back to his brother. "Sam... I get it. I do. I hate... hate the bastard too... but killing him won't bring our baby... back," he said softly. "And that hurts... hurts so bad," Dean unthinkingly put his hand against his belly. "I can't tell you ... how bad it hurts. But... but I can't change what happened. I wish I could ... but I can't," he kept direct eye contact with his brother. Dean felt a lone tear escape from his eye and run down his face and he resisted the temptation to swipe at it. "But if you have to do this... then you have to do this. Go ahead ..... I won't stop you. I understand. I get it. OK?" Dean swallowed and took another deep breath. Before Sam could react or move Dean took a step forward and stroked his hand down Sam's face gently ignoring the flinch from his brother at his touch. "I love you," he choked. "You made me believe in me... made me belong. Don't let him destroy... what we have... destroy us. You and me and Stevie. And I need.... need you. Stevie needs you." Another tear leaked from his eye. "Come home Sammy," Dean pleaded. "We love you. We need you."

Sam's mind was spinning and he felt totally confused. A thousand thoughts assailed him at once making him feel light-headed. He wanted to go home with Dean. But something made him stand his ground. Hate and anger froze him to the spot and he couldn't move his feet. He closed his eyes concentrating and focussing on his revenge. He had to do this. He forced himself to move and took a step backwards away from Dean. "No Dean," he said quietly. "I love you.... I do...never ever doubt that..... but I have to do this. For you.... for us."

Dean shook his head. "No Sam," he said. "Don't do it for ... for me. Do it because you think it's right. I don't want you to do it for me... or Stevie. Do it for you." Dean stared at Sam for a minute before swiping at his damp face with one hand. He gave a small nod. "OK. I'm gonna go home to our son." Then he turned and walked away from Sam. Walking away from his brother today was one of the hardest things he had ever done but if he wanted his Sammy back Dean had to be strong and trust that his brother would do the right thing. He resisted the urge to look back at his brother keeping his eyes firmly trained on the Impala but his vision was blurred with the tears in his eyes and he thought that his heart would break. "Come home Sammy," he repeated over and over in his head.

Sam watched his brother walk back towards the Impala. He wanted to follow but he hardened his heart and stood his ground. He turned his back as he heard the familiar roar of the Impala's engine as it started and drove away.

Sam turned back trying to concentrate on his task. He pushed some more brush up against the barn. He knew deep down that his resolve was waning and as hard as he tried Sam couldn't get Dean's words out of his head. Could still feel Dean's fingers on his face. Could see the love in his brother's eyes. Could see the pain, the hurt and the need. Sam cursed under his breath as he picked up the torch again. He dug into his jacket pocket searching for his lighter. He found it and ignited it. Sam stared at the small flame of his lighter watching as it flickered in the light breeze. He was mesmerised by it studying the blues, yellows, reds and oranges contained within the flame. Sam could feel the warmth of the flame as he clutched the lighter in his hand. The flame was familiar to him and Sam stared into its light watching as it danced and flickered.

Sam's hate raged within him consuming him and fuelling his vengeance. Sam had seen many corpses burn in his twenty-five years. He had watched the flames devour the bones, the shrivelled flesh and the tattered burial clothes. He had watched as the fire crackled and burned in its intensity claiming the body as its own and sending the spirit to hell. He closed his eyes and imagined Simons burning. Imagined the flames snaking across the barn floor towards the man.

Imagined the man waking from his drunken stupor. Could visualise the look of fear and terror in Simons' eyes as the flames licked at his legs. Could imagine the unrelenting and unforgiving flames caressing Simon's body as they burned and seared at his skin and expensive designer suit. Sam could see the man he hated with all his body and soul burning, his skin blistering, blackening and charring as the heat of the flames melted his body piece by piece.

Sam flinched and the pictures became blurry. He flinched again as something cold reached out amidst the heat and flames of his imagination. Amidst the flames of his hate and vengeance. Someone touched him with cool familiar fingers. Stroked his face with loving touches. Spoke to him softly with loving words. Loved him. Needed him.

Sam heard someone cry out and his fuzzy mind thought it was Simons. He heard the cry again and suddenly realised that the choked sound came from his own lips. Sam could taste salt on his lips. He was confused but to him salt and fire were a pair, always went together. Sam snapped open his eyes to find himself on his knees. He looked around himself puzzled. The lighter was discarded at his side along with the unlit torch. He licked at his lips confused. Salt. Reaching up with his hand Sam touched his face. His skin was damp. He was crying.

He let out another strangled choked cry and leaned forward hugging himself tightly as he rocked back and forwards. The grief built up over two weeks finally struggled free releasing Sam from the death grip of despair. Tears flowed freely washing away pain, anger and hate. Sam cried. Cried for the first time since Dean had lost their baby. Cried for himself and his grief. Cried for Dean. Cried for hurting the love of his life. Cried for them both and their loss. Sam threw his head back and howled loudly. The grief stricken sound seemed to echo and bounce off the trees surrounding the barn. He howled again and Sam could feel his rage draining out of him washed away by his tears. The pain was so intense he thought his heart would break. Sam continued to hug himself and rock back and forwards trying to stop the agony that blossomed through his whole being. He choked back sobs and panted heavily as he struggled to breathe. He sucked in long breaths and gradually Sam managed to calm himself as he let his tears dry on his face. Despite the agony and despair Sam felt liberated. The hardened hunter had disappeared and he felt like himself again. He was free. Free of the shackles of vengeance. Free to feel love again. Free to love Dean. Stevie. And even Bobby. Sam dragged himself to his feet knowing what he had to do.

**An hour and a half later.........**

Sam sat in the truck for a moment looking at the house. The house they had been welcomed into. The house they had made a home. The home he had so nearly thrown away in a moment of madness and grief.

After he had come to his senses Sam went to work quickly. He had cleared away every trace that he or Simons had ever been at the barn. Luck was with him for a change and Simons was still unconscious snoring loudly. Sam had thrown him into the truck and driven him back to his car. Once there and making sure he wasn't observed Sam had manhandled Simons behind the wheel of his car and left him there to be found. He had lingered for a moment staring at the man. He felt no hate or anger any more. The need to kill and his vengeance had disappeared. Sam shuddered at the thought that he had been acting as badly as Simons, perhaps worse. He would have taken a father away from his children and Sam admitted to himself that he wouldn't have been able to live with that. Wouldn't have been able to live with the guilt. He had glanced at the man again. Sam felt nothing and he was glad. He felt only sadness sensing that Simons probably wouldn't even remember a thing. Deep down Sam hoped that the man would be forced to get some help with his habit, hoped that the court would force him to get help for his sake and for his family's sake.

Sam had been tempted to place an anonymous call to the police department but decided against it not wanting to chance his luck. It was over as far as Sam was concerned and he was determined to put the events behind him, firmly in the past. He had then driven home. Home to his family hoping with all his heart that he still had a family.

San scrubbed his hand over his face. He was tired. So tired. He peered into the mirror. His eyes were red-rimmed and puffy but he felt alive again. Sam groaned to himself as he rested his forehead on the steering wheel. He had a lot of making up and building bridges to do. Now that the fog of vengeance had been lifted from his mind and body Sam could see everything clearly. Could see everything he had done over the last two weeks. Could see the pain and hurt he had caused with his bloody-minded quest for revenge. He cringed inwardly knowing that Dean had been blaming himself. His brother hadn't said anything but Sam had seen it in his eyes, mixed in with the pain and grief, and he had cruelly chosen to ignore it. He also knew that Dean had cried many times over the last two weeks and again Sam had disregarded it all in the name of vengeance. He had left Dean alone with his grief and Sam didn't think he would ever forgive himself for that. Sam banged his head on the steering wheel a few times cursing himself for his stupidity and for losing sight of what was important. Dean. Stephen. And even Bobby. His family. Knowing that he couldn't put the inevitable off any longer Sam dragged himself out of the truck and headed into the house.

The first person he came face to face with was Bobby. The two men stared at each other for a moment before Sam moved quickly forwards and enveloped the older man in a hug. He held on tightly for a few moments trying to put everything he wanted to say but couldn't into the hug. Bobby seemed to understand and hugged Sam back. "Go find your family," Bobby pulled out of the embrace. Sam gave his friend a small smile which Bobby returned easily. Sam knew that he had been forgiven but he also knew that he had a lot to make up to Bobby and made a promise to himself there and then that he would or die trying.

Sam gave Bobby another smile before turning and hurrying towards their room. He stood quietly to one side watching his family out of sight. Dean and Stephen were on the wooden decking area outside their bedroom. Dean was sitting crossed legged on the wooden flooring watching their son play. Stephen was playing with his teddy bear and toy trucks. The little boy was laughing and smiling as he offered a variety of the trucks to Dean. His brother accepted each one then pushed them back towards their son imitating "car sounds" which made Stephen squeal in delight. Stephen then offered Dean his teddy bear which his brother accepted. Dean then "walked" the bear back to his son making the bear climb up the small body and kiss Stephen on the nose. Their son giggled and grabbed the bear hugging it close before crawling off to retrieve one of his trucks that was near to the sun-chairs.

Sam watched them for a few more moments. He loved them both so much and he couldn't believe he had risked losing them through his blind and stupid quest for revenge. He shuddered at the thought of being without them. They were his whole life. Nothing else mattered to him and Sam was suddenly frightened that this time Dean wouldn't forgive him. And he desperately needed Dean's forgiveness and love. He knew that now and didn't know what he would do if Dean hated him or stopped loving him because of his stupid and cruel behaviour. He trembled at the thought.

Taking a deep calming breath Sam slipped through the door. Dean didn't move, didn't give any indication that he had heard Sam come out onto the decking area but Sam knew that his brother had sensed him. Stephen looked up and saw him squealing in delight. "Dada," he chattered as he clapped his hands. Dean looked over his shoulder and gave Sam a small smile. Sam moved over to their son and picked him up. He softly kissed his son hugging him tightly breathing in the familiar baby smells. He had missed holding and cuddling their child. He wouldn't ever again. Stephen pawed at his face pulling his nose and poking his cheeks with stubby little fingers. Sam smiled and kissed their son again. After a minute he set Stephen back onto the floor. The baby wasted no time in crawling off to explore the sun-chair legs babbling happily to himself.

Sam turned back to Dean. He didn't know what to do or say and knew that he didn't deserve Dean or his forgiveness. Dean continued to look up at him and Sam shifted slightly uncomfortable. Dean patted the wooden flooring next to him in invitation. Sam immediately sat down folding his long legs under and in front of him. He wriggled forwards and lightly touched his knee to Dean's knee wanting to have some contact with his brother however small. Dean gave him another small smile and Sam sucked in a sharp breath at the look of love reflected in the pale eyes staring at him. His heart filled with hope. Sam didn't know where to begin and for the first time in a long time he didn't know what to say. Sam Winchester was lost for words. He took a another deep calming breath. "You were right," Sam said softly. "I woulda hated myself and destroyed what we.... we have in the process."

Dean cocked his head to one side and remained silent. He could tell from his brother's reddened and puffy eyes that he had been crying and felt relieved that Sam had finally given way to his sorrow. Perhaps now they could heal. Together. They both needed to heal and they would do what they always did - draw strength from each other and their love for one another. But Dean had also seen the look of fear in Sam's eyes. He could read his brother like a book and knew that the look was borne out of a fear that he wouldn't be forgiven for his actions or that Dean wouldn't love him any more. But in Dean's mind forgiveness was all part of the mystery of love and he had waited for so long for someone, well Sam really, to love him that he wasn't about to throw it away without a second thought or a fight. He loved Sam so much and Dean knew that Sam loved him and no amount of cruel or hurtful words would ever change that fact. They belonged together and would travel life side by side always together.

Dean gave Sam an encouraging nod letting Sam speak free from interruption instinctively knowing that his brother needed to get it off his chest. Dean had trusted that Sam would do the right thing. Knew deep down that he would do the right thing. But he had still spent the last hour trying to distract himself from thinking or imagining the worse. But Sam was here now and Dean knew it was his gentle loving Sam sitting close to him and not the cold ruthless hunter. Dean sighed to himself. Sam was here. Sam had come home to him. Sam would make everything alright again.

"I promise it's over," Sam uttered as he fiddled distractedly with the seam of his jeans. "I was so full of rage and hate I.... I couldn't see what I was doing. I hated him so much..... I... I wanted to kill him. For what he's done to you. To Stevie," his voice wavered slight. "To our.... our baby," Sam looked at his brother as he reached out resting a hand on Dean's belly. Dean stared at the hand for a moment before laying his own hand over Sam's. "I thought it would make me feel better. Making him pay. Watching him die....." Sam choked out. "But it didn't. All I felt was lost... lost and so lonely." He looked up at Dean. "If it hadn't been for you... you coming and finding me I might have... oh God," Sam stammered as the realisation hit him again. He could have killed Simons and he would never have forgiven himself for that, for killing another human being. He would have destroyed them all. "I wouldn't blame you if you .... you hated me."

"Ssshhh," Dean interrupted as he reached out his free hand and put a finger over Sam's lips. He could feel his brother trembling and he gently caressed his hand down Sam's face. "I don't hate you. I could never hate you..... It's OK," he soothed.

"I'm so sorry," Sam said softly grabbing hold of Dean's hand and kissing each of the fingers in turn.

"Don't," Dean said. "You've nothing to be sorry for."

Sam shook his head stubbornly. "No," he said firmly. "I have. And I am. So sorry. I hurt you. And I hate myself for that. I shoulda been here ... with you and Stevie. Not out being a stupid asshole hunter," he shuddered at the thought again. "I shoulda been here.... with you. Holding you. Crying with you. Loving you. Telling you that none of it was your fault. You needed me and I let you down."

Dean closed his eyes at the words savouring them. He had longed to hear them from Sam's lips. Longed for his brother to say them. Somewhere deep inside him Dean knew he wasn't to blame but he needed Sam to say the words to believe them himself. He turned and got to his knees. Reaching over Dean persuaded Sam to his knees before pulling him into a tight hug. "I love you Sammy," he whispered in Sam's ear. "It's OK. We'll be OK."

Dean had forgiven him and Sam felt the relief flooding his body. But Sam knew it would take a lot longer for him to forgive himself. "I know," Sam whispered as he returned the embrace holding Dean tight. "Oh God. I love you so much. I'll make it up to you both. I promise." After a moment Sam drew back and smiled at Dean. He still had a lot of making up do but he knew that they would be alright. They were together. They still loved each other. They had a beautiful son. And they would get through the pain together. Sam would let Dean lean on him and Dean would let Sam lean on him.

Dean smiled back. Leaning forward Sam claimed Dean's lips in a gentle loving kiss. Dean murmured returning and deepening the kiss as they shut the world out for a brief moment and reconnected with each other in love.

They were startled out of their embrace by their son squealing. "Dada," Stephen repeated over and over.

Sam and Dean looked towards their son. Stephen was pulling himself up onto his little legs using one of the sun-chairs for balance. He looked over his shoulder at them as if to say look at me. Stephen smiled as he turned slightly letting go of the chair leg. Stephen wobbled on his little legs and they could see the look of pure Winchester determination on his little face as he battled to stay on his feet.

He looked like he was about to fall and Sam went to move forwards but Dean put a hand on his arm stopping his brother. He shook his head knowing that their son was going to take his first steps. He glanced sideways at Sam happy that his brother wouldn't miss the moment. Dean fumbled for Sam's hand and clasped it in his own and squeezed. Sam looked at Dean and squeezed back.

They turned back to their son both holding their breath as they watched silently so as not to distract the little boy. Stephen took another moment to work on his balance. He looked up and beamed at his fathers again as he took a hesitant and wobbly step forwards. When he didn't fall over Stephen giggled to himself and took a second unsteady step. And another and another. He wobbled and tottered but managed to keep himself upright as he headed towards the brothers. He held out his hands waving them in the air wobbling slightly as he did. He beamed happily at his achievement. "Dada. Dada. Bo-bo. No. No," he babbled his whole repertoire of words as he toddled towards Sam and Dean. When he was two steps away from them, both Sam and Dean took a small hand each and helped their son with his final first steps.

Sam pulled Stephen onto his lap and kissed the top of their son's head. Stephen clapped excitedly and babbled happily. Sam reached over and pulled Dean close. His family felt warm and alive. They made him whole. Sam encircled his long arms around both of them pulling them closer. He was home. Safe. Secure. And loved.

**Epilogue**

Sam was pacing up and down the waiting room. Bobby was quietly bouncing Stephen up and down on his knee at the same time watching the younger man pace. He chose to remain silent knowing that words wouldn't do any good at the moment and that Sam probably wouldn't listen to him anyway.

Sam kept glancing towards the double doors. He was worried about Dean. They had all been at the park on a picnic to celebrate Stephen's second birthday. It was a warm day and they had been kicking a ball backwards and forwards. Stephen had been squealing and laughing as he tried to kick the ball. The small child hadn't quite got his co-ordination under control and mis-kicked losing his balance falling to the ground. Sam had hurried to his son's side and picked him up and dusted him down. Fortunately there had been no injuries or tears and Sam had turned back to Bobby and Dean to find the older man kneeling at his brother's side. They had been unable to rouse Dean so Sam had picked him up into his arms and carried him to the truck while Bobby had hurriedly packed up their picnic things and secured Stephen into his car seat. Bobby had then broken all speed limits driving them to Ethan's Trauma Centre.

Dean had been behind the double doors for half an hour and Sam was getting angry and impatient. Just as he was going to find out what was going on Ethan appeared through the doors. Sam didn't even ask just nodded to Bobby knowing that the older man would look after Stephen. Sam just pushed past the doctor and hurried along the corridor to where he knew Dean was being treated.

He pushed through the door and was relieved to find his brother conscious sitting up. Dean was sitting on the treatment bed his legs swinging from side to side distractedly. He looked up as Sam burst into the room. He gave Sam a small smile. Dean looked pale and had an IV drip attached to one hand. Sam rolled his eyes at his brother's stubbornness knowing that he should be laying down not sitting up. Sam rushed over and sat next to his brother. Dean turned to him and Sam pulled him into his arms careful of the IV drip. "It's OK," he soothed. He stroked Dean's hair. "Are you OK? What did Ethan say?" he asked gently.

Dean pulled back slightly. He gave his brother a small lopsided smile. "He said that I'm pregnant Sammy," he murmured.


	3. Baby Makes Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continues the story with Dean, Sam and their little family! But nothing is every smooth for them

**The First Trimester**

Dean pulled back slightly. He gave his brother a small lopsided smile. "He said that I'm pregnant Sammy," he murmured.

"You're what?" Sam pulled back with a surprised look plastered all over his face. He stared at his brother's pale face shocked.

"Pregnant," Dean shrugged. His eyes clouded over slightly afraid that Sam wasn't happy with him being pregnant again. The memories of being afraid to tell Sam the first time and of running away because he had mistakenly thought his brother didn't want children came flooding back. Dean could feel the fear clutching at him making him tremble slightly. He bit the inside of his mouth trying to shut out the feelings.

Sam saw the flash of fear in Dean's eyes, could feel the tremble in his body and wanted to kick himself for his stupidity. Instead he pulled Dean towards him and hugged him tightly. "Oh my God," Sam kissed him deeply and then scattered small kisses all over Dean's face.

"Guess that means you're... you're OK about it then," Dean quipped with a small smile as he struggled out of Sam's hug. He should have known better and Dean could feel the fear draining out of his body being replaced with the joy of knowing that a new baby was on the way.

"Happy. Happy," Sam said. "It's.... it's .... I cant say..... it's wonderful news. Oh Dean," he wrapped his brother in a tight hug again. "We're gonna be Dads again... and Stevie is gonna have a brother or sister.... and Bobby is gonna be an uncle," he babbled with a huge grin on his face. Dean chuckled at Sam's enthusiasm. They grinned at each other foolishly for what seemed like an age, holding one another and not saying a word.

They both looked up as the door swung open. Their doctor friend Ethan Driscoll filled the doorway with his huge mountain-man like frame. Sam always felt short in comparison to their friend, Ethan towering over him by at least two inches. Ethan grinned at them both as he moved towards the bed, white coat flapping, stethoscope around his neck and clip board clutched in one large hand. "And you," he aimed his most doctorly stare at Dean. "Young man shouldn't be sitting up," he grabbed Dean's feet before Dean could utter a protest and swung them up onto the bed. With the change in position of his feet and legs Dean had no alternative but to lay back against the pillows. Dean glared up at Ethan. Sam giggled earning himself a death glare from Dean as he perched on the edge of the bed.

Ethan chuckled as he peered down at the clip board. "Tests came back OK," he looked up at Dean. "But I want you to stay here tonight," Ethan put a hand up fending off the protest that he knew was coming. "You still look a little pale. And your blood pressure is a little higher than I would like. So I want to keep an eye on you for a few hours as a precaution. You can go home in the morning if everything checks out fine."

"But," Dean started to protest.

"No buts," Ethan said firmly. "I'm the doctor and you're the patient. I give the orders and you follow them," he said with a twinkle in his eyes. Ethan winked at Sam when Dean wasn't looking. Sam put his hand over his mouth suppressing the urge to burst out laughing at the sulky looks Dean was shooting their friend.

"But I feel fine now," Dean stubbornly protested. "And it's Stevie's birthday."

"Stevie won't mind," Sam interrupted earning himself another glare from Dean. "Well he won't," he said stubbornly. Dean sighed loudly in protest.

"Well Dean my boy.....you're in my evil clutches now," Ethan quipped. "And if you don't behave, I'll let Sam here mother hen you all he likes," he paused his eyes glinting with mischief. "For the whole nine months."

Dean sunk back in the pillows defeated. "Shoot me now," he muttered.

Before Sam could answer the door opened again and Molly, Ethan's wife, entered carrying a tray. Bobby and Stephen followed. "Dada," Stephen reached out towards Dean.

Dean brightened immediately. "Stevie," he said. "You been a good boy for Uncle Bobby?" The little boy nodded as Bobby handed Stephen to Dean. Dean kissed his son on the nose. Stephen giggled and hugged his father.

"I hear Stevie's gonna have a little brother or sister," Bobby smiled broadly at Sam and Dean. He patted Dean on the shoulder.

"Yeah," Sam beamed. "You're gonna be an uncle again."

Bobby flushed pleased. He already felt like Dean, Sam and Stephen were his family but to have Sam say the words meant everything to him. His own family had all but abandoned him not understanding or liking his interest in the supernatural and he had felt alone and isolated for many years. He told himself that he didn't care but deep down he knew it was a lie. People visited him all the time, hunters and people looking for him to work on their cars and trucks but it wasn't the same as having someone to call his family, someone to call his friends. But with Dean and Sam he had both. Friends and family.

"I thought a celebration drink was in order," Molly said as she placed the tray on the table. "And we've got Stevie's birthday cake to cut."

"Beer?" Dean asked hopefully as he settled Stephen on his lap.

"Not for nine months," three voices chimed in at the same time.

Dean stared up in horror at Ethan, Sam and Bobby. He was going to be mothered to death. "Like I said," he muttered. "Shoot me now."

Molly took pity on Dean. "No love," she said softly with a smile patting his arm. "Much better than beer. Chocolate milkshake."

"I think I love you Molly," Dean teased as he accepted the cup she handed him.

"That'll be the hormones," Molly teased back as she poured chocolate milkshake for the others in the room.

Dean groaned. "Don't remind me. I forgot about them suckers," he murmured. "I hate hormones. And they hate me."

"Don't worry," Sam squeezed his hand. "We've fought worse and won," he joked with a warm smile. Dean returned the smile and squeezed Sam's hand back. This time Dean knew that he wouldn't be alone during his pregnancy. No running and hiding this time. This time he had Sam. Dean smiled again.

"So somebody said we had cake," Ethan beamed enthusiastically. "And I know a little boy that has candles to blow out," he leaned over tickling Stephen under the chin. The little boy giggled and squirmed on Dean's lap.

Molly placed the cake on the mobile table and rolled it towards the little boy. Bobby leant forward and lit the two candles in the centre of the cake. "Pretty," Stephen pointed at the lit candles his eyes wide with excitement and wonder. He clapped his hands in delight as Molly started to sing. By the end of the song all the men, even Dean, had joined in.

"Make a wish," Sam encouraged his son even though he knew that the little boy probably didn't understand what a wish was. Dean leaned forward with Stephen and helped him blow out the candles.

Stephen clapped his hands again. "Look," he pointed at the candles. "Do again," he begged Bobby. The older man grinned and lit the candles again. Stephen leaned forward and blew with all his might but the candles didn't go out. He looked from Dean to Sam to Bobby and tried again. Eventually Sam took pity on his son and helped making Stephen giggle happily. After Bobby had taken his turn in helping blow out the candles Molly removed the cake and started to cut it into pieces putting it on the plates she had brought with her. Bobby and Ethan were hovering near her and Sam could hear Ethan giving his wife advice on how to cut the cake properly.

He laughed and turned back to Dean and Stephen. "Did you make a wish Sammy?" Dean whispered.

"No. Didn't have to," Sam shook his head as he clasped Dean's hand in his own hand. "I got my wish."

"Me too," Dean smiled as he squeezed Sam's hand affectionately and at the same time stroking his hand through their son's hair.

**Two months later......**

"And my K3 class have two days to hand in their assignments on the last scene from Romeo and Juliet," Sam offered the department secretary a piece of paper. "Here's a list of names. Can you chase up any students that I don't get a paper from?"

"Sure Sam," Wendy replied with a smile. "Anything else?"

"Yeah... could you...," Sam said as he glanced over her shoulder immediately distracted from what he was going to say. He smiled to himself as he watched Dean and Stephen slowly walking down the hallway towards him. Dean was clutching their son's little hand and had slowed his pace to match Stephen's toddle. As usual Stephen was beaming happily his favourite teddy bear clutched in his free hand.

Sam watched his son amazed at how much he had grown in just over two years. He was slowly becoming a little person in his own right, stubborn like a Winchester but gentle and shy at the same time. He was taller than most two years olds, a trait he had obviously inherited from Sam. Dean also teased Sam that their baby got his stubbornness from Sam as well, a fact that he had to defend on numerous occasions. But his height was probably the only trait Stephen had inherited from Sam. Everything else about their son screamed Dean from his expressive green eyes to the rounded face with high cheek bones to the sandy blonde hair. Stephen Winchester was destined to be a heart breaker but now dressed in a pale green t-shirt and light blue dungarees with a car motif on the bib, the only heart that was bursting with pride and love was Sam's.

Sam grinned again and crouched down completely forgetting that he had been talking to Wendy. He held out his arms towards their son as Dean let go of the little boy's hand. "Hey Stevie," Sam said as his little boy toddled towards him the happy smile still on his face.

"Dada," Stephen beamed as he offered Sam his teddy bear. Sam grinned accepted the bear and scooped the little boy up into his arms kissing him on the nose. Stephen giggled and hugged Sam.

Dean smiled at Sam. He turned to Wendy and stuck his hand out. "Dean," he introduced himself to the older woman. He didn't really know many of Sam's work colleagues. It wasn't that he avoided the University he picked Sam up from work sometimes but Dean just didn't feel comfortable amongst Sam's colleagues. He knew it was stupid and irrational but he just couldn't help himself.

"Wendy," she smiled at the older Winchester taking his hand. "It's really lovely to meet you at last."

"Sam's told me all about you," Dean used his most charming smile on the woman. "Said that the department couldn't run without you." Wendy blushed at the compliment as well as the smile Dean beamed at her. She fiddled with the papers under her arm totally forgetting that she was old enough to be the young man's grandmother.

Sam flushed embarrassed at having forgotten Wendy. He just got so distracted when Dean or Stephen or both were around. He settled Stephen onto his hip. Stephen clutched at his shirt and stuck a thumb in his mouth.

"And who's this little heart breaker?" Wendy lightly touched Stephen's leg. The child stared at her silently with large green eyes.

"This is our son Stephen," Sam introduced the baby. Stephen lay his head on Sam's shoulder shyly and sucked harder on his thumb. "And he's a bit shy," Sam confessed.

"Nothing like his father then," Wendy winked at Dean who chuckled at the frown Sam shot the woman. "I'll go and chase down your students. Scare a few of them into submitting their paper on time," she said with a small laugh.

"You scare the students?" Sam couldn't help asking knowing as soon as the words were out of his mouth that it was a stupid question. He heard Dean chuckle and he turned to glare at his brother.

"Well a girl has to have a hobby," Wendy said with a grin. "Nice to meet you Dean," she turned and disappeared into the office.

Sam frowned again. He turned back to Dean. "Hey," he said softly as he splayed one hand possessively over Dean's stomach. "How are you feeling?"

Dean rolled his eyes at the concern in Sam's tone. "I'm fine," he replied with another eye roll.

Sam glared at Dean. It was a lie and they both knew it. Dean was just over three months pregnant and had reluctantly admitted to Sam two weeks ago that he was really suffering this time around. The morning sickness had hit him really hard and he was plagued with headaches. He looked pale with dark circles around his eyes where he couldn't sleep. Then he spent most mornings being violently sick. Ethan had assured them both that it was normal but Sam couldn't help worrying. Dean looked so ill and tired all the time and to make matters worse for the last week or so Dean had been unusually quiet and withdrawn hardly saying two words. Even Bobby had given up trying to talk to him. Sam was worried and had decided that morning while listening to Dean in the bathroom that enough was enough. Dean was going to talk to him whether he liked it or not. He was just waiting for the right opportunity.

"So what brings you both here?" Sam kissed Stephen again making the little boy squeal in delight.

"Stevie wanted ice cream," Dean replied with a tired smile. "And I had a couple of parts for that old Mustang to pick up ...... so we thought we'd come and get you and go out for ice cream."

"Stevie wanted ice cream," Sam asked with a smile knowing that when Dean wasn't feeling sick, his current pregnancy craving seemed to be for any kind of ice cream at any time of the day or night. "Not you?"

"Ice cream," Stephen repeated happily grabbing for his teddy bear and hugging it tight.

"See," Dean nodded at their son with a smirk. "It was your son's idea. I'm totally innocent here," Dean adopted the most innocent expression he could conjure up.

"Yeah right," Sam snorted. "I think it's a conspiracy," he said grinning widely.

"Dude. I'm hurt," Dean quipped not able to help grinning back. Even when he was feeling sad and miserable being with and talking to Sam always made him feel better, made him feel happy. Dean grinned again.

"Duckies," Stephen announced seriously to Sam. Sam raised his eye brows at Dean.

"Oh yeah," Dean shrugged. "Stevie wants to feed the ducks in the park. We got bread and stuff," he shrugged again.

"Duckies," Stephen repeated with a happy smile. Sam grinned at Dean knowingly. Dean blushed slightly. Dean could never refuse their son anything. He didn't spoil Stephen but Sam knew, deep down, that it was Dean's way of making sure that their son had everything and did everything that they themselves had missed out on when they were children.

 

**Forty-five minutes later......**

Sam and Dean were sitting on a bench in the park near to the University watching their son play with his football. They had spent a happy half an hour feeding the ducks with Stephen gleefully quacking at the ducks as they swam past to snatch up the bread Dean had brought with him. Sam had sat back for a moment just watching his son and brother letting his and their happiness wash over him. He loved watching Dean with their son. He was so un-Dean-like completely open and unguarded all his shields and armour lowered as he talked and interacted with the little boy. Stephen's innocent love and trust brought out the gentle and warm man hiding underneath the many layers that were his brother and Sam loved seeing Dean laid bare. Sam had earned a glare from Dean when he had laughed at his brother as he named each of the ducks that came up for the bread their son was throwing. Stephen had taken it all in with wide green eyes filled with excitement and the innocent wonder of a child.

They were happy. They loved each other. They had the family and the life they both desperately craved. Sam glanced sideways at Dean. His brother was staring into the distance seemingly lost in his thoughts. Sam frowned. "You OK?" he couldn't help asking knowing what the answer would be.

Dean rolled his eyes. "Yeah," Dean replied. "Fine."

Sam took a deep breath. "Yeah right," he said sarcastically. "You're not fine. You haven't been fine for over week."

"What?" Dean snapped glaring at Sam.

"You heard," Sam said firmly. "And I don't mean the headaches and the throwing up," he finished. "You've been quiet and broody all week."

"Broody," Dean quirked his eye brow at Sam. He turned his head away from Sam. "And thanks for reminding me about the throwing up," he paled slightly at the thought of the morning he had spent in their bathroom. Dean knew exactly what Sam meant but he was trying to avoid talking about his moodiness. He didn't want to think or talk about the reason. It was too terrifying. He absently rubbed his belly as he focussed his attention on Stephen happily kicking his football and talking to his teddy bear which he had insisted on clutching under one little arm.

"Dean," Sam said exasperated.

"Sam," Dean mimicked avoiding his brother's eyes. Instead he concentrated his attention on their son again drinking in the sight of the little boy playing happily with not a care in the world. Dean desperately tried to focus on their happiness, on the family he loved so much. Tried not to think of the darkness and misery that had been threatening to choke him for the last week. His inner fear was growing and slowly gnawing at him and Dean could feel himself crumbling under its onslaught. He could feel himself trembling slightly and he bit his lip in an effort to stop the threatened tears cursing the pregnancy hormones. Dean blinked still not able to look at his brother.

Sam rolled his eyes at the obvious ploy that Dean seemed to adopt every time to avoid what he didn't want to talk about. But today Sam was determined. He pulled and tugged at Dean who tried to bat his hands away but Sam wouldn't give up and finally forced his brother to face him. He was surprised to see tears in Dean's eyes. "Dean," he said softly. "What's wrong? Please," Sam pleaded stroking Dean's face gently. A single tear ran down Dean's face.

"Sammy," Dean whispered swiping angrily at the tear that had fallen. He sniffed softly. "I'm scared," he admitted so quietly that Sam almost couldn't hear the words.

Sam frowned thinking that he had heard wrong. "What?" he asked gently. "Why are you scared?" He could feel the fine tremors pulsing through his brother's body and his worry for Dean went up a level.

Dean stared at him his expressive green eyes tortured and frightened. "What.. if.. what if...," he struggled to get the words out. He sighed frustrated and swiped at the welling tears in his eyes. Without thinking he laid his hand across his belly as if he was trying to feel the child within him. Dean stared at Sam willing him to understand so he wouldn't have to say the words out loud.

Sam stared back expectantly. Dean could be so frustrating sometimes but Sam was determined to be patient and wait for Dean to finish. A few seconds later it was obvious that Dean had run out of words. Sam sighed cocking his head to one side. He frowned as he looked, really looked at Dean. His hand was laid across his stomach and his brother's eyes and expression were filled with fear, misery and a hint of pain mixed in with guilt. Sam frowned again. Realisation suddenly dawned on him. "Oh Dean," Sam shifted closer to his brother. "That was an accident... it wasn't your fault," he assured gently as he splayed his hand over Dean's hand.

"But... I.... I screwed up," Dean bit at his lip. "I think... think I was three months gone then too... what if... if it happens again," he asked bleakly. "I couldn't... couldn't go through that again. It ... it hurt so damn much."

Sam could have kicked himself. They had been so happy that Sam had forgotten about the accident that had taken a child away from them. Had forgotten the pain and grief they had both suffered at the loss. Had forgotten how Dean had suffered in silence and alone after the miscarriage mainly due to his stupid, selfish and obsessional crusade against the drunken driver who had caused the accident. "I know," Sam said as he gripped Dean's hand tightly. "But it won't happen again. Ethan says you're doing great. Your first scan was OK and .. even though you're a man there is absolutely no reason to think that you will lose our baby," he assured. "It was... was one of those horrible things that happen sometimes. It wasn't you or anything you did... you did not screw up. It was the shock of the accident," he carefully enunciated each word in an effort to make Dean understand.

"May be," Dean said softly. "It's just ....," he shrugged. "Scary."

"I know," Sam replied. "But you're looking after yourself. Bobby and me are helping."

"Not sure who's the biggest mother hen," Dean interrupted with a small smile. Talking with Sam was making him feel more positive about the pregnancy and Dean silently cursed himself knowing that he should have talked to his brother earlier instead of worrying himself silly alone. Keeping stuff to himself was a habit he couldn't seem to break.

Sam rolled his eyes. "It's a tie at the moment," he quipped back. "I never knew that Bobby could cluck."

"What if... you know," Dean waved his hand in the air. "I freak out after... like I did with Stevie."

"Dean," Sam said patiently. "You won't freak out and if you do... and it's a big if ... we'll get through it together. OK?"

Dean gave Sam a small lopsided smile. "Do you really think it'll be OK?" he asked not able to keep the hope out of his voice. He could feel his desperation slowly melting away at Sam's gentle but firm assurances. Dean wanted their baby so much, desperately wanted a brother or sister for Stephen.

"Dean," Sam said firmly. "We are going to have a healthy child that we'll love just as much as we love Stevie."

Before Dean had a chance to reply Stephen toddled towards them. The little boy offered Sam his teddy bear. Sam sat the bear on the bench between him and Dean and watched as his son he put his now free hand on Dean's knee, the other hand he reached up towards Dean. Dean looked down to see what his little son had in his hand. Stephen was carefully holding a small daisy between two little fingers. Stephen smiled up at Dean. "Flower," he announced seriously.

Dean smiled at the little boy as he lifted him up standing him between Sam and himself. "Daisy," he said to his son as he accepted the small gift.

Stephen beamed at him happily. "Daisy," he repeated solemnly. He clapped his little hands as he looked up in the air pointing at the clouds and blue sky. "Daisy," he said again.

Dean chuckled looking upwards. "No Stevie," he said with a smile. "Clouds," he corrected.

Stephen gave a little frown to both his fathers before looking up at the sky again. "Cwowds," he mis-pronounced making Sam and Dean laugh lightly. Sam edged closer to his son and brother to join in the impromptu lesson. The little boy was bouncing slightly as he pointed at other things looking from Sam to Dean waiting for them to tell him the names. Stephen looked at them expectantly with large inquisitive green eyes. Sam glanced across at Dean catching his brother's eyes. "Everything's gonna be fine. I promise," he mouthed with a smile as he took Dean's hand in his, both their arms encircling their son.

"I love you," Dean mouthed back with a matching smile before turning his attention back to their son.

**The Second Trimester**

 

It was Saturday afternoon. Sam stared at the stack of papers he had to mark. He sighed as he wasn't really in the mood but he knew that they had to be marked and graded by Monday for handing back to the students.

He let his gaze roam around the small untidy study. Sam loved this room and it was the only room in the house he never tried to tidy loving the atmosphere and dusty ambience of the area. It smelled of old parchment, even older books and something he could never place. It smelled old, safe and warm. Like home. The only new thing in the whole room was the state of the art computer, printer and scanner that Sam and Dean had purchased for them all. Sam used it for his university work and Dean and Bobby used it for their business accounts and other paperwork. For some reason none of them could answer they still used Sam's battered laptop for supernatural research more out of habit than anything else and may be just a little in honour for their past.

Sam sighed again. Shelves and shelves of books stared back at him and he was nearly tempted to get up and lose himself in one of Bobby's precious volumes on the supernatural or urban legends. Instead he decided to distract himself and get a coffee. On the way to the kitchen Sam stopped off at their room to check on Dean.

Sam leaned against the door frame watching as Dean slept. From where he was standing Sam could see the dark smudged rings around Dean's eyes and the paleness of his face. At four and half months pregnant Dean was still struggling with tiredness and morning sickness. He had resisted Sam's urging for a nap but had reluctantly given in when Sam used his puppy dog eyes on him. Dean's head had hardly touched the pillow before he was out like a light. He was laying on his side an arm draped across his middle his legs drawn up slightly. Dean still didn't look pregnant although Sam had noticed that his brother's normally flat muscled stomach was beginning to look slightly rounded as their unborn child grew within him. Their son had crawled up onto the bed and was fast asleep in the natural curve of Dean's body. Sam smiled to himself as he dragged himself away and into the kitchen to get his coffee. Once back in the study Sam glared nastily at the unmarked papers as if he had hoped they would mark themselves while he was gone. "This isn't getting the papers done," he thought to himself as he picked up the first paper and turned the page, pen poised.

He was on his tenth paper and was seriously beginning to think that some of the students were reading a completely different Shakespeare to the one he was reading when the computer to the side of him beeped telling him that an e-mail had arrived. Distractedly Sam clicked on the icon opening the e-mail and quickly scanned its contents. Sam immediately flushed bright red as he had accidentally opened a message addressed to Bobby obviously in answer to one Bobby had sent earlier in the day. He hit the print button and snatched the paper from the printer. He stared at the piece of paper feeling his face heat up some more at his mistake.

Mind made up Sam jumped up and hurried into the living area to confess to Bobby. His friend was slouched on the couch watching the television. Despite his urge to declare his guilt at reading Bobby's personal mail Sam couldn't help a small smile. Bobby was sitting, beer in hand, watching a rerun of a soap opera that Sam didn't recognise.

"What's up kid?" Bobby drawled turning towards Sam as he muted the sound on the television.

"I'm sorry Bobby," Sam flushed again as he slumped down into one of the large slightly battered armchairs. "I didn't mean to... I just... well I thought it was for me.... but don't worry Dean, me and Stevie can go somewhere... it's not a problem," he babbled red-faced. "I'm sorry."

Bobby pulled a face at the younger man. "What the hell are you babbling on about Sam?" he frowned again. "You possessed or something?" Bobby teased with a glint in his eyes.

"No," Sam rolled his eyes at his friend.

"So what's on your mind and why would you, Dean and Stevie have to go somewhere?" Bobby asked.

In answer Sam thrust the e-mail at the older man. "I was marking papers. I should have looked before.... God Bobby I'm so sorry."

Bobby glanced at the piece of paper and then looked back up to Sam. "No worries kid," he said with a smile. "And you don't have to go anywhere."

"But," Sam interrupted. "They wanna visit in a couple of months... and Dean will definitely be showing by then...... so I figure we could go somewhere for a few days so your younger sister and her family could visit."

"Nobody's going anywhere," Bobby said firmly as he leaned forward. "Look Sam. I love my little sister and everything," he started to say.

"So she should be able to visit," Sam interrupted again. "She's your family... and Dean and me... well..... we'll be OK. Honestly we don't mind," he rambled as he picked at the arm of the armchair distractedly. "In fact you know that Dean will insist."

"Sam," Bobby raised his voice slightly to get Sam's attention. Sam snapped his head up and stared at Bobby open mouthed. "Listen... and don't talk until I'm done. OK?" he put his hand in the air stopping Sam as he was about to say something else.

Sam closed his mouth as he nodded his head. "Good," Bobby smirked at the expression on the younger man's face. He took a deep breath. "I love my sister and we were real close a few years back. Her first husband was a hunter and when he died I looked after her and her kids for a year or so.... but then Amy met her second husband," Bobby shrugged. "Stockbroker type. Hated me and my life. Too much grease and oil under my finger nails," the older man shrugged again but Sam could see the hurt in Bobby's eyes. "So suddenly I aint good enough and I haven't seen her or the kids for over four years. And my big sister.... well I aint see her for over twenty years. Don't even know where she is."

"But," Sam uttered.

"Sam," Bobby put his hand up again. "Amy can visit another time. You, Dean and Stevie mean more to me than anything.... you're my family," Bobby blushed shifting slightly and looked down at his shoes hoping that Sam wouldn't deny the fact. He looked up at Sam again to find the younger man enthusiastically nodding in agreement. Bobby smiled. "And I'll be damned if you three have to go to some flea pit of a motel because my sister suddenly decided that I'm alive. This is your home... and you're staying. OK?"

Sam decided on a different tactic, one he thought might work. He didn't want Bobby suffering on their account. "Dean will be mad," he said. "He won't like that your family can't visit because he's pregnant."

"That aint the reason... and you know it Sam," Bobby retorted.

Sam flushed bright red feeling slightly guilty. "She seemed kinda mad at you," he said quietly.

"She'll get over it," Bobby said firmly. "Amy's just not used to me saying no to her." He smiled at Sam. "And as for Dean... well we just won't tell him. It'll be our secret."

"Right," Sam snorted. "Like he won't wheedle it outta one of us."

"Won't hear it from me," Bobby leaned back against the couch confidently. "So guess you'll just have to bite back that tendency of yours to confess all your sins all the damn time," he said with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes.

Sam rolled his eyes but before he could offer a retort he glanced sideways to see Dean and Stephen in the doorway. They both looked sleep rumpled and completely adorable, something Sam was never going to admit to Dean any time soon deciding that he liked his head attached to the rest of his body. He hoped that Dean hadn't heard their conversation and Sam glanced at Bobby quickly who shook his head as he stuffed the e-mail into his pocket. Sam let out a sigh of relief deciding that for the moment he wouldn't tell his brother about Bobby's family and them wanting to visit. Bobby seemed happy and didn't seem at all upset by his sister not visiting and Sam had to admit to himself that his friend had already made his decision before Sam had found out, the e-mail was proof of that. But Sam vowed once their child was born, their friend was either going to visit his younger sister or they were going to come to the house for a visit. Or his name wasn't Samuel Winchester. He gave Bobby a grin which the older man easily returned.

"What have you got there Stevie?" Sam asked turning his attention to his little boy.

Stephen toddled into the room carefully carrying two spoons in his tiny hands. He beamed up at Sam before moving towards Bobby. "Poon," Stephen thrust a small spoon towards Bobby. At the same time he lifted his arms up towards the older man.

Bobby got the hint and grinned down at the small child. He lifted him up and sat the little boy on his lap. Taking the offered spoon from Stephen Bobby looked at Dean expectantly. "Well," he said. "Where's our ice cream?"

"Ice cream," Stephen mimicked happily waving his spoon in the air at Sam and Dean.

Dean grinned and passed a medium sized bucket of ice cream to Bobby. "Strawberry for the light weights," he teased. "And we got double chocolate chip Sammy," he grinned at his brother happily.

Sam smiled back and patted his lap. His marking could wait until later. Ice-cream with his family was far more important. Without hesitation Dean joined Sam in the armchair. After much wiggling and manoeuvring they got themselves comfortable with the ice cream bucket balanced between them. Sam gave Dean a quick kiss as his brother handed him a spoon and started to dig into the ice-cream. Sam looked up and smiled. Bobby and Stephen were happily sharing their ice-cream and Sam wasn't sure who was getting messier. Bobby looked up and winked at Sam.

**Two evenings later......**

Dean pressed himself further into the corner of the room. He fiddled nervously with his tie and stared down at his navy blue suit. It was a little old but it still looked alright and the dress pants had a little room for his swollen belly. Dean had been a little worried that he would look pregnant but Sam had assured him otherwise. And if he was honest with himself Dean knew that he would have to make the most of public outings because in a couple of months he would definitely look pregnant and would have to stay at home until after the birth. He sighed to himself not relishing the thought of being confined to the salvage yard but he knew, deep down, it was for the best. They just couldn't risk him being seen but Dean knew that it would worth it in the end. He couldn't help the small feeling of excitement run through him at the thought of their new baby and he grinned to himself.

Dean scanned the room again from his hiding place. He hated this type of thing, couldn't help himself and idly wondered why he had agreed to come. Dean grinned to himself again when he suddenly remembered the reason - Sam had used his puppy dog eyes on him and then promised him a night he wouldn't forget. And Dean Winchester was a sucker for anything involving Sam and nights to remember which was probably the reason he was pregnant again.

Events like this scared the hell out of him. He could hunt and fight the supernatural from werewolves to poltergeist to ladies in white but attending official university parties were much worse and ranked up there with facing the yellow-eyed demon. This was Sam's world and it terrified him. Dean was terrified that he and their family wouldn't be enough. Was terrified that he would lose Sam and even worse would let him down by saying something stupid. Dean wasn't a stupid man by any means but the academic types at these parties had a habit of making anyone without a degree or a college education look and feel stupid.

Dean scanned the room for Sam who had been dragged off as soon as they had arrived to meet some people from the other English department by his boss and Dean hadn't seen him for over half an hour. Dean could feel his panic rising and he bit down the urge to run. He backed further into the corner and tried to blend in and hide from the all the people around him. Dean stared into his orange juice wishing he was at home with his son and Bobby.

"What are you doing there young man?" a voice in front of him boomed startling him out of his reverie. Dean looked up to find Ethan Driscoll standing in front of him a big grin on his face.

"Hiding," Dean admitted honestly. He liked Ethan and his family, trusted them and considered them friends. He also felt he could be honest with the doctor and not be judged for anything he had done or said in the past. Ethan's parents had both been hunters so he understood Dean and Sam and their former life. The older man took him at face value and Dean was grateful for that.

"Whatever for?" Ethan asked as he looked around the room. He turned back to Dean and pulled a face. Dean shrugged avoiding his friend's eyes. Ethan narrowed his eyes at the younger man. Over the last two years Ethan had gotten to know Sam and Dean very well and although many facets of Dean were still a complete mystery to him Ethan knew him well enough to recognise why Dean was hiding. He leant forward. "I'll let you into a secret," he whispered. "I've seen most of these people naked.... so they don't scare me at all."

Dean nearly spat his orange juice out. He looked up at Ethan who winked at him mischievously. "Dude. Too much information," Dean could feel himself relaxing slightly and he smiled at the older man gratefully.

"Made you relax a bit," Ethan teased chuckling loudly. "No stress allowed in your condition.  Doctor's orders."

"I think I'm scarred for life thinking about all these people naked," Dean chuckled himself.

"So why were you hiding again?" Ethan pressed.

"Just don't want to let Sammy down," Dean admitted quietly. "He worked hard for all this and I don't wanna screw it up for him."

"I doubt Sam would ever think that," Ethan took a swig of his own drink. "He loves you."

"I know," Dean said. "But I was never.... you know never any good at school and well with looking after Sammy and hunting and other stuff I never seemed to get around to studying. And Dad didn't care and back then I liked girls... not books."

Ethan nodded in understanding. "Me too," he agreed with a smile. "Until Molly came along. Made me see the error of my ways and made me an honest man."

Dean smiled. "And Sammy .... well he's just a geek. Always has been and always will be," Dean said but Ethan could hear the loving affection in the tone. "And I want him to have this if it makes him happy."

"And you?" Ethan asked curious.

Dean smiled. "I'm happy if Sam's happy," he replied simply. "And I got my classic cars and stuff," he continued. "So we're both happy. It works.... works for us."

Ethan nodded in agreement. "Can I get you another?" he motioned at Dean's glass.

"No," Dean pulled a face at his glass. "Don't wanna overdose on vitamin C."

Ethan chuckled. "I'll be right back," he turned and moved towards the bar set up in the opposite corner of the room.

Dean pressed himself back into the corner and scanned the room looking for Sam. It was then that he felt it - a small flutter in his stomach. He looked down in surprise. He placed his hand over his belly pressing lightly as the baby moved again. It was their unborn child's first movement and he couldn't help feeling a sudden thrill at the feeling. Excitement overtook him and Dean desperately wanted Sam to experience it too. He deserved to feel excited as well. Dean scanned the room again searching frantically for his brother.

He saw Sam in the corner talking to Ethan and a group of other academic looking people. He hurried quickly through the throng of people finding himself at Sam's side in no time. His brother turned to him and smiled. The baby moved again and without thinking and ignoring the people in the group Dean leaned slightly towards Sam. "Sammy," he whispered in the younger man's ear. "The baby just moved."

Sam didn't look at Dean and kept smiling at the group. "Can you excuse us for a moment?" he smiled again as he took Dean by the elbow and steered him out of the room, along the corridor, into another small room and out onto a paved patio area.

"I'm sorry," Dean said softly figuring that Sam was angry with him for his rudeness. "I didn't mean to bust in on your conversation. I just.... you know got kinda excited.... as it was the first time the baby moved."

"Did the baby move again?" Sam asked as he pressed his own hand over Dean's swollen belly.

"You're not mad?" Dean asked confused.

"You're kidding right?" Sam frowned. "Why would I be mad?" he frowned again as he stared at Dean.

"For..... you know," Dean waved his hand in the air absently.

"You just told me that our baby moved and you think I'm mad with you," Sam said with a roll of his eyes.

"Oh," was all Dean could think to say.

"Jerk," Sam said affectionately and stole a quick kiss.

"Bitch," Dean retorted with a grin.

"Do you think the baby will move again?" Sam asked and Dean could hear the hope in his brother's voice.

He shrugged. "He or she is a Winchester.. so there's no telling."

"Stubborn Winchester gene," Sam said softly. Then he felt it - a small flutter beneath his finger tips. He beamed up at Dean. It felt weird to Sam. But it was the most beautiful thing in the world. He was feeling the first movements of the small life they had created with their love for each other.

Dean grinned back. "Not so stubborn," he quipped as the baby shifted again.

"Lets go home," Sam said.

"What about the party?" Dean asked.

"To hell with the party," Sam said. "I want to go home and be with my family. I'll even rub your feet," he waggled his eye brows seductively.

Dean was surprised at Sam's words thinking that his brother would want to stay at the party. He bit at his lip. "Are you sure?" If Sam wanted to stay he would stay - for Sam.

"Yeah," Sam assured. "You and the baby are more important and... we gotta celebrate the baby moving. And we gotta tell Bobby and Stevie," he babbled enthusiastically. He grabbed Dean's hand and pulled him towards the door. "I can come to a party any old time but feeling our child for the first time that's something to celebrate. Right?"

"Right," Dean beamed at Sam as he let himself be dragged out of the door. "Chocolate ice cream," he asked hopefully.

"Double chocolate chip ice cream," Sam replied happily. "With chocolate sauce."

"Now you're talking," Dean squeezed Sam's hand.

**A month later........**

"Hey," Sam dropped his bag on the chair as he walked in the kitchen. He turned to his right knowing that the coffee pot on the side would be on and ready. Even though Dean had given up coffee for the duration of his pregnancy it was a habit he couldn't seem to break, a habit that both Bobby and Sam appreciated.

"Hey," Dean looked up from what he was doing. "You're home early.

"I swapped classes," Sam explained as he poured himself a mug of coffee. "Where's Stevie?" he asked.

"In his pen in our room playing with his toys," Dean answered. "Didn't want him around while I had this out," he turned and waved his favourite hunting knife in the air. He had half a potato in the other hand.

Sam frowned puzzled. "I thought we were having Bobby's lasagne for dinner tonight," he said. "And since when did you use your favourite knife to peel the potatoes?"

"We are... and I didn't," Dean rolled his eyes at his brother. "The lasagne is already to go. Just gotta heat it up. And you have to toss the salad," he grimaced at the mention of salad.

"It's good for you," Sam countered with a smile. It was then he noticed the kitchen table. It had been covered with an old white cloth. There were pots of different coloured paint lined up, a few brushes of different sizes and a large sheet of paper spread over most of the top of the table. He turned back to Dean.

"Yeah," Dean smiled back. "If you're a rabbit."

Sam moved towards his brother. At just over five and a half months pregnant Dean's stomach was definitely swollen as their child grew within him. His brother was hiding his growing belly under large t-shirts and baggy sweaters but they both knew that he would no longer be able to be seen in public. They had their cover story all worked out and Bobby and Ethan had organised all the official paperwork. In just over three months their new child would be born and Sam was so excited and couldn't wait, and he knew that Dean felt the same. "So what's with all the paint?" Sam asked curious as he took Dean into his arms idly stroking his belly with one hand. "And the potato?" he kissed Dean.

Dean pulled out of the embrace. "Stevie and me were gonna paint you a picture," he answered with a smile. "Bobby picked up the paint, brushes and stuff last time he went into town."

"And the potato?" Sam quirked his eye brow at his brother as his hand continued to caress Dean's stomach. Sam smiled. He could feel their child kicking and it still amazed him knowing that together they had created the small life. Just that morning they had seen the growing child on the screen during the regular scan that Ethan insisted upon. By silent mutual agreement they hadn't asked the sex of the child and Ethan hadn't offered, somehow knowing that they didn't want to know. But Sam secretly admitted to himself that he desperately wanted to know but Dean, for some peculiar Dean-like reason, didn't saying he wanted to be surprised. Sam wanted Dean to be happy so he hadn't pushed the matter but it was frustrating having to wait. But then Sam was having a hard time containing his excitement at just about everything from picking out new baby stuff to painting and decorating another small unused room, just off from their own bedroom, that would serve as their second child's nursery.

Bobby had been so generous. He had let them take over nearly one complete side of the house and teased them by calling it the Winchester Wing. They had their own large bedroom which led out onto the decking area. They also had a large en suite bathroom, Stephen's room and now the new nursery. The other areas of the house, the kitchen, the living room and study, they shared with Bobby. It suited them all and they were all happy with the arrangements.

Sam was brought back from his musings by Dean thrusting the potato close to his face. He could see that Dean had carved different shapes which stood out proud from the flesh of the potato with his knife. "For shapes and stuff," Dean blushed slightly at the admission. "There's some more over there... for you know," he shrugged. "The different colour paint." Dean flushed bright red again.

Sam bit back a chuckle amused at Dean's embarrassment although a small part of him couldn't help being jealous at the way his brother handled their son, the way he came up with games and activities for Stephen to do and not for the first time Sam thought that his brother was born to be a father. He didn't mean to feel envious and Dean never did anything to make him feel jealous but Sam couldn't help himself. "You're good at this," he said softly giving Dean a second kiss. "I'm a teacher... and I can never think of cool stuff to do."

"Dude. I don't think Stevie's up to reading Shakespeare just yet," Dean quipped.

"I know," Sam couldn't helping snapping. He was immediately sorry and gave Dean a small apologetic smile.

Dean shook his head and let out a small sigh. "Sam. You do cool stuff with Stevie all the time," he assured. "Stevie loves you reading to him. And what about last week when you built the castle for him outta his bricks. Or when you made a tent outta the laundry and then both fell asleep." Dean smiled at the memory of finding his brother and son curled up together sound asleep in their makeshift tent.

"Suppose," Sam sighed. "But you're still better at it."

"Sammy. It's not a competition," Dean caressed a hand down Sam's face.

"I know," Sam conceded. "But..."

"No buts," Dean chastised softly. "Stevie loves what you do with him... what I do with him.... what we both do with him. He's one spoiled kid."

"He's not spoiled," Sam objected. "Just loved."

"Damn straight," Dean said firmly. "And anyway I had plenty of practice. "I had your whiny ass to keep outta trouble." Dean smirked knowing the reaction he would get and he wasn't disappointed.

"I did not whine," Sam automatically protested with a pout.

Dean chuckled triumphantly and kissed Sam softly. He pulled back. "You used to get more paint on you than the paper," he said with a grin.

"I was exploring....," Sam scrunched up his face in thought. "Exploring the hidden artist in me."

Dean snorted and kissed Sam again. "Why don't you go get Stevie," he suggested as he turned to dry up his sculptured potato ready for painting. "Before the kid displays another Winchester talent and breaks outta his pen. And I'll finish up here."

"So I can help?" Sam said not able to keep the hope out of his voice. Dean had seen the look on Sam's face and knew instinctively how his brother was feeling. Sam was feeling left out of his son's life. Working at the salvage yard Dean got to be with their son all day and he knew how hard it was for Sam every day to leave Stephen and go to work at the University. Dean knew that Sam didn't mean to feel jealousy but he knew if their positions were reversed may be he would be feeling the same.

"As long as you keep the paint on the paper," Dean teased. "Dude. Of course you can help... in fact me and this little one," he patted his rounded stomach. "Are sitting this one out... you and Stevie can do all the hard work," Dean smiled at the happy face Sam gave him.

Moments later Sam returned Stephen balanced on his hip. The little boy clapped his hands with glee as soon as he saw the supplies set out on the table. Sam carefully placed their son on the chair that Dean had pulled up for him. Stephen bounced up and down and excitedly looked from Dean to Sam. "Look," he pointed at the paint with a small finger.

"Yeah kiddo," Dean smiled as he put his hand at Stephen's back so he didn't fall over backwards. "Paint," he said.

"Paint," Stephen mimicked with a small grin. Sam sat down next to his son. Picking up one of the smaller paint brushes he dipped it into the green paint and painted a long line across the paper. Stephen watched with large green awe-filled eyes and squealed in excitement.

"Green," Sam said offering Stephen the brush. The little boy grabbed the brush with both his small hands. Sam helped his son hold the brush in one hand.

"Gween," Stephen said and haphazardly painted his own very wobbly green line on the paper.

"Hey," Dean praised. "Way to go." Stephen beamed at him and offered Sam his brush waiting impatiently for Sam to swirl it in the jar of water and load it with some more paint.

Half an hour later their picture was nearly finished. It had a house with grass and sky which was red and purple - Stephen's choice. Dean had been persuaded to join in the painting by his little son demanding that he draw a car. Dean had carefully painted a black Impala and Bobby's truck next to the house. Sam had then painted stick people standing next to the car and truck. Stephen had happily painted wobbly lines in every colour and had squealed and bounced on his little legs as Sam showed him how to use the potatoes to make different coloured shapes on the paper. They had then "signed" their masterpiece with their painted hand prints lined up side by side.

In a moment of madness and happiness Sam had then proceeded to paint each of their faces with a blob of paint on the end of their noses and two carefully painted lines on their cheeks. Stephen had giggled and helped by dipping a small finger into the blue paint and carefully "dotting" his finger over both Sam and Dean's cheeks.

Stephen was now pointing to each of the stick figures a happy smile on his face. "Stevie," he said pointing at the smallest figure. "Daddy," he babbled pointing to the two stick figures holding hands. "Bo-bo," he finally announced pointing a paint-covered finger at the figure with a baseball cap.

At that moment Bobby wandered into the kitchen. He quickly took in the scene before him and glanced at the painted picture from where he was standing. Even upside down Bobby could see that he and his truck were part of the picture and it made him misty eyed. He cleared his throat and quirked an eyebrow smirking at the three paint streaked faces looking up at him. "You know fellas," Bobby drawled with a grin. "I aint gonna ask," he said as he moved towards the oven flipping open to door to check on his lasagne before turning on the heat. "But bath time is gonna be pretty colourful."

**The Third Trimester**

**A month and a half later......**

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Sam dropped his bag and hurried over to where Dean and Bobby were next to a battered looking mustang. Both men were looking at the engine discussing and pointing at various engine parts completely engrossed in what they are doing.

Dean straightened up slightly rubbing at his belly distractedly. He was seven and a half months pregnant, looked like it and felt like he was carrying a small round football under his every present baggy sweater. He smiled as Sam approached. "Hey Sammy," he said with a smile not having heard what Sam had said before.

"What do you think you're doing?" Sam glared angrily at Dean. "You promised you wouldn't," he waved a hand at the engine.

"I didn't," Dean protested with a frown.

"I saw you," Sam retorted. He noticed that Dean looked pale and exhausted and the ever present dark circles under his eyes made him look even paler if that was possible. Sam knew that Dean was suffering in this pregnancy and he had been trying his hardest to ease things for his brother but as usual stubborn Dean Winchester wasn't helping matters. "You promised. No engines and no mechanics or bending over engines ....or heaven forbid going under the damn cars until after our child is born," Sam accused.

"And I've been keeping my promise," Dean snapped angrily. He felt hurt that Sam didn't believe him. The child within him seemed to sense his upset and kicked him hard. Dean winced and rubbed at his belly as the child kicked him again. Dean shifted leaning against the car slightly in an effort to find a more comfortable position.

Sam didn't notice the movement or the grimace as he was too angry with his brother. "It looks like it," Sam accused.

"I was doing the books," Dean started to protest.

"Dean," Sam snapped interrupting his brother mid-sentence. "You're over seven and a half months pregnant. You should be taking it easy. But oh no Dean Winchester knows best. You're such a stubborn asshole sometimes." He glared at Dean angrily.

"And you're a whiny mother hen," Dean snapped back angrily.

"Dean," Sam said patiently. "You know you need to take care of yourself."

"I did fine by myself the last time and can do it again this time round," Dean shouted angrily. "I don't need you flapping around me." He immediately regretted the words as a look of hurt flitted across Sam's face. Dean wanted to apologise but his pride and stubborn streak wouldn't let him.

Sam narrowed his eyes at Dean. "Like I said... stubborn asshole," he snapped back. "And I can see that the moment my back's turned you're out here," he waved his hand at the car's engine. "Doing stuff with the damn cars."

Dean glared at Sam furiously. He could feel his temper rising and he trembled slightly. Their child was kicking him in protest and it was making him feel slightly sick and dizzy. Dean knew that if he didn't leave now he wouldn't be responsible for his actions and would probably end up punching Sam. Dean bit back the urge to hit out at Sam and instead leant down and fumbled awkwardly until he had removed both his sneakers. "Here," Dean slapped the sneakers in a surprised Sam's hand. "Now I'm barefoot.... and pregnant," he snarled. "Just going to chain myself to the kitchen sink." Dean stomped off towards the house an arm laying protectively across his swollen belly.

"That went well," Bobby said dryly. He had kept silent knowing that an interruption wouldn't be welcomed by either young man. He had quickly learned the tactic over the last two years and it had served him well and so far he had avoided being punched by either of the boys.

"He promised," Sam defended with a pout.

"And he's kept his promise," Bobby said as he wiped his oily hands on a rag. "I've made damn sure of that and you know I have. But I haven't really had to because Dean.... well Dean has been taking good care of himself."

"It looked like it," Sam countered sulkily.

"Sam," Bobby said patiently.

"Don't Sam me," Sam snapped angrily as he started to pace up and down. "Just last week Dean was forced to rest in bed for a couple of days .... because of his high blood pressure... and now I find him working on cars." Sam continued to pace up and down remembering finding his brother collapsed on the kitchen floor having passed out from high blood pressure and overdoing it. When Dean had regained consciousness Sam had seen the look of fear in his brother's eyes and they had both been terrified that the baby might have suffered but after a check up and an overnight stay in the hospital Ethan had assured them that everything was normal. And a week later Dean was still sporting the two black eyes he had gotten when he had hit the edge of the table as he went down. Sam stopped in front of the older man and glared.

Bobby shrugged and held Sam's glare not flinching. "I know Sam," he said calmly and patiently. "And did Dean stay in bed when you got him home from the hospital and do what he was told?" he asked softly. "For four whole days until Ethan said it was OK for him to get up... even though he hated every minute of it."

Sam blushed. "Yeah," he reluctantly admitted. "But that's not the point," he said stubbornly.

"I think it is," Bobby said. "And Dean was doing the books like he said... like he tried to tell you. About half hour ago I went in to get a cup of coffee and check on him and he was real upset."

"Upset?" Sam asked in rising horror. "About what?"

"He couldn't add up the figures in his head like usual," Bobby explained. "And he was having trouble remembering how to work the calculator... or add stuff to them spreadsheets thingys."

"What?" Sam said alarmed as he started to move towards the house. "We have to get Dean to Ethan. It could be serious."

"Sam," Bobby put a hand on the younger man's arm. "I called Ethan. It's normal. Don't go panicking all over the damn place. Ethan said that some pregnant women get confused and can't do simple stuff. It's the hormones messing with their minds apparently. It's normal and will wear off."

"You're sure?" Sam asked.

"Yeah," Bobby nodded. "But Dean was freaking out so much .... I brought him out here to distract him. He didn't do nothing with the engine. We were just talking. I promise," he shrugged. "And it seemed to calm him down a bit. Took his mind of the other stuff."

Sam groaned. "I think I owe Dean a big apology," he bit at his lip. "Again," he sighed.

Bobby chuckled. "You sure do," he said. "Lucky you stocked up on his favourite candy and ice-cream."

Sam groaned again. "I hate myself sometimes," he said as he hurried towards the house in search of his brother. Sam was feeling guilty. Guilty for not believing his brother. Sam knew things were hard on Dean at the moment and as usual he had completely ignored his brother's feelings and accused before he got the full facts. Sam groaned to himself as he frantically searched the house knowing that it hadn't been fair of him to take out his anger and worry out on the one person he loved the most. He loved Dean. Needed Dean so much.

Dean could feel his anger growing inside him as he stomped into the house muttering angrily under his breath. He moved through the kitchen and into their room. He found himself another pair of sneakers and slipped his feet into them not bothering to tie them up properly.

Dean needed to get out of the house, away from Sam, away from everything for a while. He needed to think and calm down before he wrecked the house in his temper and frustration. He slipped into their son's room to check on Stephen who was taking his afternoon nap. Dean gently caressed his fingers through the little boy's hair and Stephen snuffled in his sleep hugging his teddy bear closer unconsciously pushing up into his father's touch. Dean leaned over and kissed his son before leaving the room and heading towards the French windows in the master bedroom. He carefully crossed the decking area and the yard and slipped out of the back gates and into the small wooded area behind Bobby's Salvage Yard. Dean knew he could be alone here. Alone with his thoughts. Alone with his fears.

The baby was still kicking him hard and he rubbed his belly as he ambled slowly amongst the trees in the wood. "It's OK," Dean soothed as he gently rubbed circles with his hand on his stomach. He forced himself to calm down but the fact that Sam obviously didn't trust him bounced around his head making him feel angry all over again.

Dean couldn't believe that Sam didn't believe him. He would never risk their child and he had promised Sam months ago that he wouldn't work on the cars or under the cars when he got too big. And Dean had kept his promise. Even though not being able to work on the cars was frustrating and he was bored out of his mind doing the books and work around the house. Although since the scare with high blood pressure Sam hadn't allowed him to do stuff around the house either.

Dean had known that it was going to be hard confined to the house and salvage yard for at least three months but he had never guessed how hard it would be. Even though he had Sam, Bobby and Stephen, he felt isolated and alone and he was slowly climbing the walls. He desperately wanted their child but the last couple of months had been pure torture for him and the fact that now Sam didn't believe him hurt. Hurt so much, deep inside, that Dean wanted to throw and break things in an effort to drown out the pain he felt at Sam's mistrust of him. A little voice kept telling him that Sam was only being protective of him but Dean stubbornly ignored it as he walked deeper into the woods mumbling and cursing under his breath.

As Dean continued to walk the anger turned to tears and they stung at his eyes. Dean swiped at them angrily knowing this time he couldn't blame them on his pregnancy hormones. Dean was miserable. This pregnancy had turned into the pregnancy from hell and from day one he had suffered from just about everything possible. From violent morning sickness to headaches to dizziness and high blood pressure to hiccuping spells - his and the baby's - to back ache and swollen ankles. He couldn't sleep and he was restless all the time. Even his normally excellent balance was off as his body tried to compensate for the extra weight and his rounded pregnant stomach. And he didn't walk he waddled and Dean hated it. Dean was tired and exhausted all the time and today not being able to concentrate or remember how to add up simple figures had seriously freaked him out. If it hadn't been for Bobby calming him down Dean didn't know what he would have done. Even talking to Ethan over on the telephone hadn't reassured him but being outside with Bobby and the cars he loved had. And now Sam didn't trust him.

He groaned at the thought of Sam. His brother had really wanted to enjoy the pregnancy with him and had stood by him and been at his side every step of the way usually bearing the brunt of Dean's 1001 mood swings and hormone induced shouting and bad temper. His gentle and loving Sam who only wanted to protect and take care of him and who seemed to enjoy the role reversal. Dean groaned in guilt knowing that Sam hadn't deserved the harsh words that he had thrown at his brother. It hadn't been fair of him to take out his anger and frustration out on the one person he loved the most. He loved Sam. Needed Sam so much.

Dean stopped and squinted into the distance. He felt a little dizzy and grabbed a nearby tree as he staggered slightly. The child within him gave him a hefty kick and Dean moaned in pain. His head was spinning and he felt sick and the world was threatening to go dark on him. Holding onto the tree for support Dean sunk gracelessly to the ground. His vision was blurry and Dean blinked away the haze as he rubbed at his stomach trying to calm himself as well as the baby who had taken to kicking him every two seconds. He took deep breaths and forced himself to remain as calm as he could. Panicking wouldn't help him or the baby. "Give your Daddy a break," he whispered to his bump. "I'm not mad at you." Dean closed his eyes and concentrated on the woods around him. He could hear the wind in the trees, hear the birds singing, feel the sun on his skin. He took a deep breath and focussed on the sounds and feelings letting his anger and frustration slowly drain from his body. At the same time he rubbed calming circles over his belly. The child within him gradually reacted to his calmness and stopped kicking hard. Dean could feel the child shifting slightly but it wasn't the agitated kicking any more and he breathed a sigh of relief. Dean opened his eyes and cocked his head to one side. He could hear Sam calling his name. "The cavalry's here," he continued to caress his belly knowing that he wouldn't be able to get to his help without help.

Sam burst through the trees. He sighed in relief as he saw Dean sitting by a tree apparently unharmed and safe. "Dean," he ran over and flopped down next to his brother. They sat in silence for a few moments. Sam resisted the temptation to ask Dean if he was alright knowing that the question wouldn't be welcome at the moment. Sam just sat silently next to his brother patiently waiting figuring he owed Dean the time to gather himself. After a few minutes Dean's hand found his and squeezed. Sam smiled to himself. In truth they both knew that they had forgiven each other the moment the angry words had been thrown at one another. Now they just had to deal with the other's guilt. It was the way their relationship worked sometimes. And at other times they would shout and scream at each other for half an hour until they were both hoarse, then not speak to each other for a while and then make-up which was usually followed by mind blowing sex.

"I thought you were chaining yourself to the kitchen sink?" Sam teased softly as he nudged Dean's shoulder.

Dean nudged Sam's shoulder back. "Couldn't find my chains," Dean quipped softly.

Sam smiled again. "I'm sorry," he mumbled. "I didn't mean to shout... or accuse you of anything... I just .. you know worry about you," he admitted.

"I know you are... and I know you worry," Dean glanced sideways and gave Sam a lopsided smile. "But you don't have to... I'm OK. Just fat, freaked out and frustrated."

Sam snorted and gave his brother his best unconvinced look. He cocked his head to one side regarding the still too pale face of his brother. "But you're my fat, frustrated and freaked out brother... and lover." He reached up and traced a finger gently around his brother's bruised eyes and cheeks.

Dean stared at him for a moment for giving Sam one of his trade-mark grins. "You are such a girl," he teased as he took Sam's hand in his and kissed each one of his brother's fingers in turn.

Sam quirked an eyebrow at Dean's pregnant stomach. "Says pregnant and hormonal Dean," he teased back.

Dean didn't take offence. He knew that Sam was just teasing him - it was one of their ways of healing a rift between them. Instead Dean just grinned widely again and rubbed at his belly as he felt their child move again. He sighed knowing he couldn't put off the inevitable. "OK... me first... so may be I'm a little tired and stuff. My ankles are killing me and your kid is kicking the hell outta me. I hate being confined to the yard and house.... and I want this baby," he patted his stomach. "Out now." He decided not to tell Sam about his dizzy spell knowing that it would only make his brother worry about him again.

Sam smirked at the admission. "OK...my turn. I'm being far too protective and," he scrunched up his face trying to find the right words, the words that would satisfy his brother.

"Mother henny," Dean interrupted with a smirk of his own.

"OK," Sam laughed. "Mother henny... but it's only because I love you and care about you... and yes worry myself silly about you and our baby."

"Do you think I'll love the baby... you know when it comes?" Dean asked out of the blue. It had been on his mind a lot over the last week or so and it had been slowly gnawing at him making him feel scared about the birth of their child.

The question caught Sam by surprise and he couldn't help the shocked look that appeared across his face. "Of course you'll love our baby. What makes you think you won't?" he asked gently squeezing Dean's hand.

"Last time," Dean stuttered. "I did... then I didn't... and it was all so confusing and stuff and I don't want it to be like that," he said softly. "I wanna enjoy our new child... with you and Stevie..... and even with that old reprobate Bobby."

Sam decided that this time honesty was the best policy. "I honestly don't know if it'll be OK," he said. "But I do know that whatever happens we'll figure it out like we always do - together."

Dean nodded seemingly satisfied with the answer. "You know it.... it freaks me out a bit," he admitted. "I just don't want anything to happen like last time." Dean turned away from Sam and stared into the distance. "I couldn't bear that."

Sam knew what Dean meant. He shuddered slightly as he remembered staring down at a very still and very quiet baby. It had been the most frightening few moments of his life and he couldn't even begin to imagine what it had been like for his brother. "Dean," he said managing to keep the quiver out of his voice. "We are going to have a healthy baby. Ethan is all prepared and this time you are having our baby in the hospital with all kinds of machinery and stuff surrounding and monitoring you and the baby. OK?"

"Don't remind me," Dean rolled his eyes. "I am so looking forward to everyone looking down there," he waved his hand towards his nether regions.

"Dean," Sam laughed. "It'll probably only be Ethan and Molly and... well me. I'll be there holding your hand and stuff."

Dean glanced sideways at Sam. "I can't believe that in a month we'll have a new baby," he said his voice betraying his excitement. "And I guess everything will be worth it."

"Yeah it will," Sam grinned enthusiastically as he pulled Dean into an awkward hug. He kissed his brother gently. "I love you Dean," he whispered. "And I'm so sorry. I do trust you and I know you would never do anything to harm our child. I'm sorry. I should have let you explain before biting your head off and accusing your ass," he said as he leaned his chin on Dean's shoulder.

"Yeah you should," Dean hugged Sam close and caressed a hand down Sam's back. "But I'm sorry too," he murmured. "I shouldn't have said I could do this alone... I can't and I couldn't back then... with Stevie. And I love you too and couldn't do this," he waved his hand at his stomach. "All by myself."

"Do you wanna go home before Bobby sends out a search party?" Sam pulled back from the embrace. "I got your favourite ice cream."

"Are we good?" Dean asked wanting and needing the reassurance.

"We're good," Sam assured as he got to his feet. He offered Dean a hand which his brother accepted without argument or face pulling. Sam smiled to himself as he hauled Dean carefully to his feet and kept his mouth shut when Dean swayed slightly but had already decided that his brother would be spending the rest of the afternoon laying on the couch being looked after whether he liked it or not. Sam took Dean by the elbow and started to steer him back towards the yard.

"Do you still love me even though I'm fat?" Dean asked with a grin.

"I still love you... even though you're fat, frustrated and freaked out," Sam answered with a smile. "Oh...... I forgot hormonal," he teased.

"You better have double chocolate chip ice cream for that remark," Dean threatened softly.

"Huh-uh. Got peanut M&Ms as well," Sam confirmed with a smug smile.

"Did I tell you that I love you?" Dean asked.

**A month later.......**

"How's that?" Sam asked his brother.

"Mmmm," Dean gave a pleased sigh.

"Guess that means it's OK," Sam teased. Sam was perched on the edge of the coffee table. Dean was slumped on the couch his feet on Sam's lap as his brother gently massaged his feet. Reaching to the side Sam grabbed for the bottle and poured some more cream into his hands. Rubbing his hands together Sam gently took hold of Dean's right foot again.

"Mmmm," Dean muttered again as Sam pushed his thumbs firmly into the ball of the foot. "That feels good," Dean breathed his eyes closing slightly.

Sam grinned at Dean as he ran his fingers gently up and down Dean's right foot lightly massaging. Using both thumbs he pressed firmly in small circular movements from heel to ball rubbing in the cream as he went. Pouring more cream into his hands Sam ran his fingers light over the top of Dean's foot up towards his very swollen ankle. Dean winced. "Hurts huh?" Sam asked.

"A bit," Dean reluctantly admitted.

"I'll be gentle," Sam assured as he very gently and carefully rubbed cream into Dean's ankle not really able to feel the ankle bone due to the puffiness. He returned to his ministrations on the sole of Dean's foot. He worked on each toe in turn gently massaging. "Better?" he moved towards the hard shiny skin on Dean's heel squeezing the skin between his fingers.

Dean opened his eyes slightly and peered at Sam. "You have magic fingers Sammy," he murmured. He wiggled his left foot. "But this one feels left out."

"Hedonist," Sam grinned as he turned his attention to the left foot.

"Dude," Dean muttered. "I'm the dumb one... you're the geek. I don't even know what that means." Sam chuckled knowing full well that Dean knew what the word meant. Dean elicited a long moan of pleasure laying his head back against the couch as Sam began to massage the bottom of his left foot. Dean moaned again. He couldn't help himself - his feet and swollen ankles felt wonderful under his brother's careful ministrations. The friction of Sam's fingers against the skin of his feet made him tingle all over gradually easing the ache in his feet.

Dean idly rubbed at his stomach. Their child was moving and it never failed to amaze him that he had a small life growing and moving within him. Dean felt a wave of protectiveness as the child moved again, not kicking, just shifting from side to side. "I think the kid's got hiccups again," he complained.

Sam chuckled. "Must have been that ice cream you ate for lunch," he teased as he rubbed at the ball of Dean's foot again. He leant forward slightly and rubbed Dean's belly. Sam stilled his hand just letting the sensation of feeling his child wash over him. "Our child is gonna be addicted to the stuff." He removed his hand and went back to his task on Dean's foot.

Dean chuckled in answer. He opened his eyes gazing over at his brother studying him as he worked. Sleeves rolled up to his elbows, his hair falling over his eyes, tongue out slightly and brow furrowed in concentration as he gently massaged his feet and toes. Dean smiled thinking that Sam was the most beautiful creature he had ever laid eyes upon and he loved him with all his heart. "Sammy," he whispered.

"Mmmm," Sam murmured distractedly as he continued to massage his fingers round and round on Dean's foot.

"Why did you throw this away?" Dean asked holding up a piece of paper for his brother to see.

Sam glanced up recognising the piece of paper Dean was holding up. He shrugged slightly stopping his ministrations. "It's not important," he answered softly. "We're not going."

"Yes it is," Dean said firmly. "It's an invitation to Ethan's grandson's birthday party tomorrow."

Sam shrugged again. "There will be plenty of other parties," he countered.

"Sammy," Dean sighed knowing why Sam had thrown the invitation in the trash.  "I want Stevie to have everything we didn't have when we were kids... and that includes parties and stuff."

"I know you do. I do too," Sam said firmly. "But," he started to say.

Dean put up a hand stopping Sam mid sentence. "I know I can't go," he patted his stomach. "Because of this little one. But you, Stevie and Bobby can go... I want you all to go. It's OK really."

"We can't," Sam protested waving his hand absently at Dean. "You'll be on your own."

"Dude," Dean scowled. "I can be left on my own. I'm pregnant.. not sick. And it'll be good to have some peace and quiet... away from you and Bobby mother henning me to death... and Stevie will have a great time. He needs to play with kids his own age."

"But what if something... you know happens," Sam said a worried look on his face.

"Nothing is gonna happen," Dean assured. "Ethan says I'm at least three weeks away and," he put his hand up to stop Sam's protest again. "I'll have my cell phone on and I can call you if there's a problem."

"Are you sure?" Sam bit at his lip. He could feel himself wavering and knew that for once Dean was being sensible and his argument was also a reasonable one. And Sam wanted Stevie to experience everything, enjoy his childhood doing childhood things.

"Yeah," Dean grinned at Sam. "I can watch what I want on television... and I'll just potter about." He blushed at his choice of words hoping that Sam hadn't noticed.

Sam snorted. The thought of Dean Winchester ex Supernatural Hunter pottering around their house made him smile broadly. "Potter?" he said incredulously. "Them hormones are definitely addling your brain."

Dean glared and then pulled a face at Sam choosing to ignore the comment. "So that's settled then. You're all going to the party," he said firmly. "And you can bring me cake back." He waggled his left foot at Sam impatiently. "Now I think you weren't quite done with this foot."

Sam stuck his tongue out at Dean and his brother chuckled loudly. Sam shifted lifting Dean's left foot up making his brother sink back into the couch. Sam grinned mischievously as he flicked his tongue out barely touching Dean's foot his warm breath ghosting across the soft skin. Dean jerked slightly but sighed deeply as Sam blew softly onto the sole of his foot. Sam grinned again before swiping his tongue up the complete length of Dean's foot.

"If I wasn't the fattest man on this planet," Dean said with a grin. "You'd be paying for that," he waggled his eye brows seductively.

Sam laughed lightly as he repeated his actions on Dean's right foot flicking his tongue up and down and round and round. "I'll hold you to that," Sam teased back.

"Damn right you will," Dean murmured as he closed his eyes again and let Sam work his magic on his feet.

**The next day.......**

Dean was really enjoying the peace and quiet of the house. He loved his family desperately but was enjoying his solitude. Usually he hated to be alone and the last few months had been hard for him but today Dean just wanted some time alone. It was something he couldn't explain even to himself.

Sam, Stephen and Bobby had finally left for the birthday party. It had taken a while because Sam insisted on repeating every instruction twice and checked ten times that Dean's cell phone was switched on. But finally Dean was able to wave them off after threatening Sam with bodily harm if he didn't leave and take Bobby and Stephen with him. He had then spent an hour relaxing in front of the television before deciding that a bath was in order.

He had gone with his inner girl and used Sam's bubble bath, a present that he had bought his brother as a joke although they had both had fun amongst the bubbles on several occasions. Dean immersed himself in the hot girly smelling bubbles which surprisingly soothed away all the aches and pains of his pregnancy. For the first time in two days Dean felt totally relaxed with none of the little nagging twinges he had been experiencing.

Dean slowly and very carefully climbed out of the bath and grabbed a towel to dry himself with. Dean pulled on his t-shirt and turned to grab his sweat pants. The pain hit him suddenly catching him by surprise. He groaned rubbing at his stomach as another sharp pain lanced across his belly. "Cut it out you in there," he admonished his swollen belly.

Dean grabbed onto the towel rail as a peculiar and vaguely familiar feeling washed over his body. He couldn't help himself and he groaned as the urge to push overwhelmed him and he spread his legs slightly and held onto the towel rail with a death grip. He panted slightly as the strange feeling gradually receded. He carefully perched on the edge of the bath trying to get his breathing under control. He knew why the sensation was familiar and with rising horror and panic had a feeling that their child was about to make an unscheduled appearance and soon. "Oh God," Dean breathed as the urge to push built up again. Dean gripped the edge of the bath turning his knuckles white as he tried to breathe through the contraction assailing his whole body. He unconsciously spread his legs slightly and bore down again.

When the sensation passed Dean staggered to his feet clutching at the towel rail for support. Pain radiated through his stomach as a contraction hit him again. They were coming very fast and much closer together. Dean moaned as he grabbed as many towels as he could. He somehow managed to lower himself to the bathroom floor knowing instinctively that he wouldn't be able to get to his cell phone to call for help. He was on his own. The irony of the situation wasn't lost on Dean. With Stephen he had been prepared to give birth alone but this time he had Sam and Ethan and a fully equipped hospital but here he was on the bathroom floor legs spread about to give birth alone.

Dean shifted position slightly as the cold tiles of the floor made him shiver slightly. He hugged his belly as yet another contraction hit him and he found himself not able to stop bearing down again. Dean slowly and carefully drew his knees up and spread his legs as wide as he comfortably could. He idly wondered why he hadn't felt the contractions or his water break before the urge to push had suddenly materialised but immediately forgot everything as another painful contraction assaulted his body. Dean squeezed his eyes closed as he pushed hard with all his strength. "Sammy's gonna kill me," he huffed to himself as he flopped backwards relaxing as the urge to push diminished slightly.

**Later .....**

"Guess he enjoyed himself," Bobby said with a smile nodding towards the sleeping child cradled in Sam's arms.

"Yeah I think he did," Sam smiled back as he looked down at Stephen glad that Dean had persuaded him to take their son to the party. The little boy was fast asleep thumb firmly in mouth, ever present teddy bear tightly clutched in his free hand. He looked so cute and innocent that Sam hadn't got the heart to remove the offending finger. Stephen snuffled and murmured softly and Sam smiled again. "Just gonna lay him down and give Dean his cake. OK?"

"I'll get us some beer," Bobby headed towards the kitchen. "And Dean some orange juice," he threw over his shoulder as he imagined the looks the younger man was giving him.

Sam wandered through to their room laying Stephen carefully in the middle of their bed deciding to give Dean his cake before waking the child and getting him ready for bed. Sam placed their pillows on either side of the sleeping child to prevent him rolling off the bed in his sleep. "Dean," he called. "You here?" He frowned. "Dean," Sam called again.

"In here," Dean's voice answered from their bathroom.

"I got cake," Sam grinned as he pulled the door open. The cake was immediately forgotten and placed on the side as Sam stared in horror at the scene before him. Dean was on the floor knees drawn up and legs spread very obviously in the middle of labour. The inside of his thighs were blood splattered, he looked hot and sweaty and he was groaning with the effort of trying to give birth to their child. Dean's cry of pain snapped Sam out of his stupor and he knelt down just in time to see their child's head appear momentarily at Dean's opening. Dean flopped back against the wall exhausted at his efforts. Sam turned and grabbed some more towels pushing them under Dean.

"Dean," Sam asked. "Why didn't you call me?"

"Things kinda got outta hand pretty quickly," Dean frowned as he rubbed his stomach ruefully. "And this little one wanted out and the kid sure wasn't waiting until his other Daddy got home."

"You should be in the hospital," Sam said. "We planned it and everything." He knew it sounded stupid but he couldn't help babbling. His babbling was replacing the panic that was growing within him.

"Guess the kid didn't get the memo," Dean teased trying to lighten the mood and calm Sam down.

"Damn Winchester stubborn streak," Sam teased back feeling the panic fading slightly. He could do this. He'd done it before.

"Bet the kid never gets beat up at school," Dean quipped. He gasped in pain and hugged his stomach again. He could feel another contraction growing within him and knew his body wouldn't let him get away with trying to suppress it. He took deep breaths trying to inhale and exhale deeply through the pain.

Sam rolled his eyes at his brother. "Bobby," he yelled as he rubbed his hand down Dean's thighs soothingly. Sam smiled encouragingly at his brother. Dean nodded but Sam could see the fear and panic in his brother's expressive green eyes and knew that Dean was terrified that something would happen to their child and that may be, like with Stephen, he wouldn't love the child straight away. Sam smiled again. "I'm here. It'll be OK," he mouthed in reassurance. "Bobby," he shouted again. "Get your ass in here."

"Jeez Sam what's your problem?" Bobby appeared at the door. He immediately took in the scene. He slammed his bottle of beer down on the side next the cake. "Shit Dean," he knelt down sliding in behind Dean letting the younger man lean against him. "You get bored or something," he joked as he offered Dean his hand.

Dean clutched at the hand gratefully. "Nothing on the tv," he quipped back. He bit at his lip as a contraction grew within him and Dean scrunched up his face and bore down as hard as he could. Bobby clutched at Dean's hand willing strength into his young friend's body. "Hey," Dean panted as the contraction abated. "Hand going numb..... I'm the one in labour here," he gasped as another contraction immediately surged through his body. "Sammy," he couldn't help whimpering.

"It's OK.... I'm here," Sam soothed. "You can do it," he encouraged as he peered between Dean's spread legs as he absently rubbed a hand up and down one of Dean's feet trying to comfort his brother as best he could. Dean scrunched up his face again grimacing as he bore down again. He tried to spread his legs even more sensing that he was near the end of the birth. Dean took a deep breath and pushed again with all his strength before flopping back against Bobby exhausted.

"The head's out," Sam announced excitedly looking at his brother. "You know the drill Dean," Sam instructed. "Give us a good push... and then you're all done," he said gently.

"Says the man who aint in labour," Dean retorted as he remained laying against Bobby's solid body for a moment trying to catch his breath. His body contracted painfully again and he pulled himself up slightly and bore down spreading his legs again. Dean could feel Bobby gently rubbing a hand in circles on his back and he was grateful to his friend for the support. He panted and puffed as he struggled to give birth. Dean took a deep breath between contractions and pushed as hard as he could. The effort seemed to go on forever but Dean was grimly determined. Their child was going to be born and now. "Sammy," he cried out as he finally expelled their child from his body into the world and Sam's waiting hands.

Unlike Stephen this child screamed its distress immediately. Sam looked down at the angry red-faced child screaming and wriggling in protest in his hands. He looked over to Dean who had flopped back against Bobby. "You did it Dean," he beamed. "It's a boy. We have another son. Stevie's gonna have a brother," he announced happily as he placed the wailing child on Dean's stomach.

"You did good kid," Bobby smiled broadly as he helped Dean sit up slightly so he could see his new son. The baby's screams seemed to fill the bathroom as he squirmed and wriggled on Dean's stomach.

"Hey," Dean ran a finger down the wailing child's tiny face. He looked up at Sam and smiled broadly. "He's OK," he said softly his voice full of awe. "But he looks littler than Stevie when he was born," Dean said worry immediately clouding his face.

"But listen to those damn lungs," Bobby corrected. "Aint nothing wrong with them... or him," he reassured his friend. "What do you say Sam?"

"I think he's absolutely beautiful," Sam smiled his thanks at Bobby as he shifted and grabbed the first aid kit from the cabinet under the sink. He scrabbled about until he found a sealed scalpel. He ripped open the packet and moved back to Dean. With a look and a nod from Dean he offered the scalpel to Bobby. "Do you wanna do the honours?" Sam asked.

"You sure?" Bobby looked from Dean to Sam. They both nodded at him. "Then hell yes," he accepted the scalpel and carefully cut the cord joining the still wailing child to Dean.

Once the baby was separated from Dean, Sam gently lifted his new son into his arms wrapping him a clean fluffy towel before handing him back to an exhausted looking Dean. Dean cradled the child gazing down at their new baby. Bloodied from the birth, face scrunched up and still howling angrily Dean thought he was the most beautiful thing he had seen since Stephen had been born. "Hey," he poked his little finger carefully into the child's mouth. The child immediately silenced and began sucking on the finger.

Bobby chuckled. "He takes after you... he's what ... like a minute old and the kid's hungry already."

"Probably wants some ice-cream," Sam joined in the teasing. "After the gallons of the stuff that Dean has eaten over the past few months I wouldn't be a bit surprised if he has been born with an ice cream addiction."

Dean looked up at Sam and Bobby and meant to scowl his displeasure at them for the teasing but instead the scowl somehow turned into a huge happy smile.

**An hour and a half later......**

Bobby let Ethan out of the house. He carefully re-locked the door and hurried towards the back of the house. Stephen was draped over his shoulder fast asleep. The child's warm breath on his neck grounded the older man, made him feel calm. After the excitement of the evening Bobby needed some calm. He chuckled to himself. The little boy had missed all the fun sleeping through the birth of his brother.

After the birth Bobby had volunteered to call Ethan leaving Sam in the bathroom to help Dean. He guessed that they needed some privacy and he also knew that Dean had to deliver the afterbirth, something he didn't really want to witness. He also wanted to give them plenty of time knowing that Sam would call if he needed help with either Dean or the baby. So he had checked on Stephen who was still asleep. Bobby had busied himself with waking the little boy, taking him into his own room and changing him into his pajamas. The child had then promptly fell asleep again.

Twenty minutes after the telephone call Ethan had arrived and had spent over half an hour with Dean. This time Sam couldn't be prised from Dean's side and in the end Ethan had allowed him to stay in the room while he examined Dean and the baby. Bobby paused at the bedroom door before knocking and opening the door. "You accepting visitors?" he drawled.

Dean was propped up in bed with what looked like all the pillows in the house. Bobby noticed that Ethan had fitted up an IV which was attached to Dean's right hand and there was a spare bag on the bedside table which Bobby guessed he had left instructions to be fitted up when the first one had run through. Sam was perched on the edge of the bed cradling their new son who from the look of him had obviously been bathed, diapered, dressed in a tiny pale green sleeper and wrapped in a blanket. The child was now quiet and fast asleep safely nestled in his younger father's arms.

Dean still looked pale and drained which was only to be expected after giving birth but Bobby just wasn't used to his young friend looking so tired and weary. "Is Stevie OK?" Dean asked.

"Slept through the whole thing," Bobby chuckled as he moved towards the bed. He cocked his head to one side. At the movement the little boy shifted and murmured but fortunately didn't wake "How are you doing?" Bobby asked as he stroked a hand up and down Stephen's back soothingly.

"I'm fine," Dean answered with a small smile. He held out his arms and Bobby carefully set the child down next to Dean. Stephen immediately curled into the warmth of his father. Dean absently stroked his hand through his first born's blonde hair.

Sam snorted softly. "I knew he was gonna say that," he looked up at Bobby and winked.

"OK," Dean said. "So I'm a bit... you know tired and," he blushed bright red and fiddled with the blanket absently. "Sore... sore all over," he said hoping that Bobby would get the meaning. Dean wasn't going to admit to either of the men how sore and tired he was but if he was honest with himself he could hardly keep his eyes open but he was determined to stay awake. He wanted to be with his small family.

Bobby smiled amused at Dean's embarrassment. "Boy... you just gave birth on the bathroom floor in front of me and Sam here...and now you're all shy about stuff down there," he couldn't help teasing as he pointed at Dean's nether regions. Dean blushed again and Bobby decided to take pity on his friend. "So what did Ethan say?" he asked. Bobby had spoken to Ethan as the doctor had left so he knew exactly what had been said but he wanted to make sure, in his own mind, that both boys had been paying attention to the instructions.

Dean shrugged slightly. "The usual," he replied vaguely. "That I gotta keep this in," he nodded at the IV. "And get you or Sam to fix the other one up when this one is all done." He scowled at the IV in the back of his hand and poked at it.

"Stop it," Sam chastised. Dean pulled a mulish face at his brother. Sam turned to Bobby. "Ethan says," he shot Dean a warning look daring his brother to contradict him. "That Dean needs to take it easy for a few days.... and stay in bed or on the couch with his feet up.... as his blood pressure is sky-rocketing through the roof."

"He did not say that," Dean argued.

"OK," Sam conceded. "He said that your blood pressure is very high and that you need to let your body heal before you start rolling about with engines and the cars again," he smirked at his brother. Dean glared at him again. "And he also said that if he found you outta bed or on your feet before he says so .... that he would personally tie you to the bed and leave you there for a week or may be two."

Bobby laughed at the expression on Dean's face and he had no doubt whatsoever that their friend had threatened just that if Dean didn't behave. "But apart from the blood pressure thingy everything else is OK?" he asked again.

Sam nodded and replied before Dean could. "Yeah everything's fine. Ethan checked him over and he gave Dean a couple of shots which he whined about," he chuckled.

"I did not," Dean interrupted. "Ethan's got big hands and he rammed the needle in.... both times."

"He so did not," Sam protested. "I was watching all the time." Sam looked up at Bobby. "Ethan's coming back tomorrow to check on them both," he gave his brother a glare. "And to make sure that Dean is being a good boy."

"I hate you," Dean sulked but there was no venom or hate in the words only love and affection.

Bobby rolled his eyes at the antics of his two favourite boys but was satisfied that Sam, at least, had taken in Ethan's instructions. "So what about this little one?" he looked over Sam's shoulder at the sleeping baby. "You two sure do have cute kids." Both Dean and Sam beamed at the compliment.

Sam looked up at Bobby. "Well he weighed in at four and a half pounds and is about three and a half weeks early as far as Ethan can tell," he glanced over to Dean knowing that his brother was still worried about the size and weight of the child. "Ethan gave him a good check up and says he is just fine and absolutely one hundred percent healthy. And he had his first meal no problem," Sam waved a hand at a bottle on the bedside table.

"He'd tell us if he wasn't?" Dean bit at his lip. "Wouldn't he?"

"Yes Dean," Sam leant forward and rubbed soothingly at Dean's knee through the blanket. "You know he would... and if anything was wrong you know that Ethan wouldn't have said it was OK to stay here.... he would have insisted you both go to the hospital with him. OK?"

Dean gave Sam a smile. "OK," he nodded. He knew that Sam was right but he still couldn't help worrying. But Sam's happiness and the grin that had been plastered on his face since their baby had arrived was infectious and Dean found his worries chased away to the back of his mind and he grinned back happily. Despite being tired Dean desperately wanted to hold his new son again so he held his hands out towards Sam.

Sam got the message immediately. "Go to Daddy," Sam handed the baby carefully to Dean.

As Dean moved he woke Stephen. The little boy rolled onto his side and blinked up at Sam. Sam smiled and pulled his elder son towards him. Quickly awake Stephen looked around and noticed the new baby. He turned green eyes towards Sam. "Daddy. Look," he pointed a small finger at Dean and his brother. "Baby," he said gleefully. "Does baby want ice-cream?" Stephen asked seriously.

Dean snorted softly. "No Stevie," Sam said managing to keep a straight face. "He's too little."

"OK," Stephen turned back to stare at his little brother.

"Do you want to meet your new brother?" Sam asked his son. Stephen solemnly nodded and pointed his finger again excitedly seemingly lost for words. Sam wriggled and manoeuvred until he was sitting next to Dean. He pulled Stephen up onto his lap. "What do you think?" he asked softly as he helped the little boy lean towards Dean. Stephen went to poke the baby with a small finger but Sam managed to stop him just in time.

"No poking," Dean warned softly. "Not until he can poke you back. OK?"

Stephen nodded and stuffed his finger in his mouth instead. "He pink," Stephen babbled around his finger with a smile. "Bo-bo," he waved his free hand at Bobby to get the older man's attention. "Look. Baby. He pink," he said with a big smile. The baby snuffled and shifted slightly in Dean's arms. Stephen let out a small squeal of excitement and looked at his new brother with awe-filled green eyes. "Talk," he asked hopefully looking up at Sam.

"No," Sam chuckled. "Not yet champ," he said running his hand through the blonde hair. "Soon." Stephen seemed satisfied with the answer and turned back to silently staring in wonder at his new little brother.

Dean shifted slightly and offered their child back to Sam. He could feel himself tiring by the moment and didn't want to drop their new child. Sam cast a worried look at Dean as he settled the baby into his arms. "Don't wanna drop him," Dean muttered. Stephen watched every movement eyes filled with wonder as he snuggled closer to Dean.

"So has the kid got a name yet?" Bobby asked curious.

"Baby," Stephen interrupted with a smile.

Dean put his arm around the little boy. "It's a good name kiddo... but Daddy and I decided on something else. OK?"

"OK," Stephen nodded happily.

Sam grinned as he stroked a finger down the small baby's face gently. "Meet Callum Winchester."

"That's a good strong name," Bobby said in agreement.

"It's gonna be ever stronger," Dean looked up at Bobby. "When we add his middle name....... Robert... for his favourite uncle."

Bobby beamed pleased. "You don't have to," he said although his heart was bursting with love and appreciation. His life had changed so much since Dean and Sam had turned up on his doorstep with Stephen. Changed for the better. He was happy. He had a family to love, protect and take care off.

"We want to," Sam said firmly.

"Callum Robert Winchester it is then," Dean said just as firmly.

Bobby smiled at them again. "Well I guess I'm gonna crash in front of the television for a while... then head up to bed," he turned to leave. "You boys OK?"   Need anything?"

"No," Sam replied with a happy smile. "No we've got everything we want," he said.

"OK then. See you in the morning," Bobby nodded at them both and turned and left the room.

Sam grinned and turned back to his brother. Dean had finally given in to his tiredness, the adrenaline of the birth having finally worn off, and was fast asleep at his side snoring softly. Their elder son was cuddled up between them and their new son was safe in his arms. Sam Winchester was a happy man. He had Dean. They loved each other. And they both had everything they needed. Love and a family.

**The Fourth Trimester**

 

Dean paced up and down the kitchen cradling his newest son in his arms. Two week old Callum Robert Winchester was making his small presence known to anyone that would listen and had been for the last hour. He screamed loudly and angrily as he kicked his small legs in protest. "Hey," Dean soothed. "What's all the noise about?" he rocked the tiny baby in his arms trying to pacify the child but Callum screamed even louder resisting all attempts to be calmed. Dean could feel himself panicking slightly as he watched tears run down his baby's small reddening face. Callum wriggled in Dean's arms and he tightened his hold rocking the wailing child from side to side. "Give your Daddy a break," he pleaded feeling a bit desperate and not for the first time.

Dean knew that his son wasn't hungry, didn't need changing and wasn't sick. Callum was just screaming and Dean couldn't help feeling terrified. Terrified that his son hated him for some reason. A little voice inside him said he was being stupid but Dean couldn't help himself. The small baby responded immediately to the rising hysteria vibrating through Dean's body and started to scream even louder. Callum's howls seemed to get louder and louder, echoing around the kitchen, as Dean allowed his panic and terror to grip him. Unchecked tears ran down Dean's face and he hated himself for them.

Dean usually felt self-assured and relaxed around children and babies but his confidence seemed to have disappeared and he just felt helpless and a bit frightened of the myriad of emotions that were churning around deep within him. He was a strong, confident person and had always hated feeling weak and stupid and over the years had mastered hiding his emotions and innate vulnerabilities behind well-constructed shields. But a tiny screaming baby had beaten them all down and deep down Dean admitted that he was really afraid that the "baby blues" would strike again. He was totally exhausted and had even admitted to himself that he had been overdoing it trying to prove that he could cope. Dean knew he didn't have to do everything alone, he had Sam, but he wasn't really thinking straight and a constantly crying baby wasn't helping matters. Both Ethan and his wife Molly had assured them both that although Callum was a little underweight and small he was otherwise healthy and that the crying was normal, that it sometimes took babies longer to settle in their new surroundings. Dean was so determined to take care of Callum that he had been the one to get up in the night to tend to the crying baby telling Sam that it was only fair as his brother had returned to work at the University and needed his sleep. But Dean had been running on adrenaline and it was fast running out and his strength reserves were sorely depleted but he was still determined. Determined to prove to everyone that this time he wouldn't be affected by the dreaded "baby blues" that had left him feeling so inadequate, miserable and confused after Stephen had been born. Dean had missed a few weeks of his eldest child's life because of his stupid mixed up feelings and he didn't want to do the same with Callum. He wanted to enjoy every single minute of his new son but the tiny screaming baby was making it difficult.

Dean swiped absently at his tears. "You sure are a stubborn Winchester... through and through," he whispered to the still crying baby as he continued to walk up and down the kitchen. Dean forced himself to calm down pushing all his fears and worries firmly to the back of his mind for a moment hoping that it would calm his son. He started to hum Metallica under his breath in an effort to help calm himself. Callum immediately reacted to Dean's calmer movements and his loud screaming started to wane. "Ssshhh... Daddy's here," Dean soothed as he ran a finger down the child's dampened face. The baby stared up at him with tear filled eyes whimpering slightly but no longer howling. Callum hiccupped and gave a few more protesting whimpers before yawning widely. He snuffled sleepily and wriggled in Dean's arms before closing his eyes suddenly tired with all his screaming. Dean offered up a silent prayer, made one more circuit of the kitchen, before carefully laying the now sleeping child into his bassinet which he had placed on the kitchen table.

Dean stared down at the sleeping child, the small life that he and Sam had created together out of their love. The second child that they had both so desperately craved. Dean couldn't help smiling to himself as he watched their son sleep. Callum looked so angelic in sleep. He was tiny and delicate, almost fragile looking, more so than Stephen had been at two weeks old. His tiny hands and feet twitched as he slept. Despite his weariness Dean knew that the small baby was worth every sleepless minute as was his elder son. He loved them both with a fierceness that could only probably be matched by a mother bear protecting her cubs and Dean knew that Sam felt exactly the same as he did. With a final look at his tiny son and a small sigh Dean turned towards the kitchen counter to start preparing dinner.

Sam gave Bobby a wave as he pushed the door to the house open. He cocked his head to one side listening. It was quiet and Sam hoped that both his new son and brother were sleeping.

Sam frowned to himself. He was worried about Dean. After the birth Dean had quickly lost weight and was somehow miraculously back to his pre-pregnancy weight although Sam suspected that he was much lighter but what worried him more was that Dean was still deathly pale and looked tired and utterly exhausted all the time and a constantly screaming baby wasn't helping matters. Callum, for some reason, wasn't settling well and seemed to spend hours just screaming his distress to anyone that would listen. Ethan had assured them both that the child was healthy and that the behaviour was normal and would settle but Sam still couldn't help worrying. They had been spoiled with Stephen who had been an easy and quiet baby to care for, but Sam knew that despite the continuous wailing neither of them would want to swap Callum. He was a much loved and wanted second child.

Not for the first time Sam cursed his brother and his stubbornness. Dean had taken it upon himself to assume the responsibility of caring for the baby and Sam guessed that it had something to do with suffering from the "baby blues" and missing some of Stephen's early days. Sam felt guilty but Dean insisted on being the one to get up two or three times each night to tend to the wailing child and it was beginning to show. Sam desperately wanted to help but Dean wouldn't let him mainly because he had returned to work at the University and his brother just got upset or angry when he tried to help so in an effort to make Dean happy Sam had given up trying. But he could see that Dean was suffering. He wasn't sleeping, wasn't eating properly and looked exhausted all of the time and Sam wasn't going to let the situation continue any longer. Sam had a plan. Had, in fact, implemented the plan - now all he had to do was to tell Dean, something he wasn't really looking forward to.

Sam shook himself out of his reverie and dropped his bag in the hallway. He could hear Stephen talking and peeped into the living room. Sam smiled to himself. Stephen had placed his soft toys consisting of an assortment of bears, rabbits, dinosaurs and a mouse in a semi circle. He was holding his favourite story book in his little hands and was pointing at each of the pictures as he carefully turned the pages. Sam knew that his son wasn't reading the words but instead repeating the story from memory. "What you doing Stevie?" he moved into the room and sunk down onto the couch.

Stephen turned to him and beamed. "I being good," he announced proudly as he put down his book, got to his feet and moved towards Sam. He leaned against Sam's knee and gazed up at his father with expressive green eyes. It was like having a small version of Dean staring up at him and Sam smiled down at his son.

"I know you are," Sam said stroking a hand through the blonde hair.

"I not crying," Stephen announced with another smile. "Is Callum sad?" the little boy asked his pale eyes clouded with worry.

Sam stroked his hand through the blonde hair again. "No... he's just little and wants lots of cuddles," he explained.

Stephen thought for a moment taking in the information and seemed satisfied with the explanation nodding his head. "I give him a cuddle later?" he beamed at Sam happily.

"I think he'd like that," Sam returned the smile. He gave a little sigh wondering how long their second son had been screaming that day. Dean had looked so tired when he had left that morning for work and Sam knew that his brother was near to breaking point. It made him even more determined to implement his plan. "So what's going on here?" he waved his hand at the bears and other toys.

"Being you," Stephen rolled his eyes just like Dean did as though Sam had asked a stupid question. "And telling story," the small boy explained. "To my sudents."

"Students," Sam automatically corrected. He grinned down at his little son. "Are they being good?" he asked.

Stephen scrunched up his face in thought for a moment. He nodded but leaned towards Sam and lowered his voice conspiratorially. "But Teddy keeps talking," he said seriously pointing a small finger to his favourite bear and constant companion. The bear that always accompanied him everywhere and shared his bed every night. The bear that Dean had bought before he had been born.

"Well perhaps Teddy should do some extra lessons," Sam smiled still finding it amazing how children made up games for themselves and managed somehow to mimic real life. He leant down and kissed his son on the nose. Stephen gave him a "Dean-like" smile.

"Daddy said I should give him tention," Stephen nodded turning back to "his class".

"Detention," Sam smirked at the suggestion from Dean, king of the detentions.

"Detention," Stephen mimicked with a beam at Sam over his shoulder before flopping down on the floor and picking up his book again. "Now listen Teddy," he waggled a small finger at his bear. "No talking." Stephen then carefully turned the page and began to recite the story again.

Sam smiled again before dragging himself to his feet and going in search of Dean who he hoped was laying down in their room. Sam rolled his eyes in frustration as he found Dean in the kitchen chopping vegetables for their dinner.

"Hey," Dean turned from his task and gave Sam a small tired smile. He turned back to his task trying not to cut his fingers off as he chopped at the carrots and potatoes deciding that neither Bobby or Sam would appreciate his blood or the top of his fingers turning up in their casserole.

"Hey yourself," Sam moved behind Dean wrapping his arms around his brother's waist and kissed his neck. "How's Callum been today?" he asked although he knew what the answer would be.

"Screaming loud and clear," Dean leaned back into Sam's warmth. "I swear the kid was born angry."

"He'll settle," Sam said softly kissing Dean's neck again.

"I hope so," Dean said not able to keep the worry and tiredness out of his voice hoping that Sam wouldn't notice. He stopped chopping the vegetables and turned in Sam's embrace. "Do you.... you know," he shrugged slightly. "Think he's OK?" Dean asked turning worried green eyes up towards Sam. "He's still so little."

"Dean," Sam said firmly. "Callum is fine. Ethan has checked him out thoroughly. He's just having trouble settling. It happens all the time. It's nothing you or I ... or hell even Bobby has done. And as I have said a thousand times before he'll grow. He is only two weeks old and he was three and a half weeks early.  OK?"

Dean looked down and then up at Sam again. "It freaks me out.... all the screaming and stuff," he admitted quietly. "I... I love him and everything.... but sometimes I wonder if he's miserable because.... because of something... well because of me."

"You're a great Dad," Sam said immediately and without hesitation noting the slight desperation in Dean's voice. "Of course you've done nothing wrong. And it freaks me out too."

"It does?" Dean said surprised searching Sam's face for a hint of lie and finding none. He gave Sam a small lopsided smile as he felt his desperation receding slightly at Sam's admission.

Sam smiled back. "I'm a new Daddy too," he frowned slightly. "And Stephen was... well was such a quiet baby... Callum's just," he scrunched up his face in thought for a minute. "Well... so Winchester like. Stubborn, noisy and down right bloody minded."

Dean couldn't help chuckling at Sam's description of their tiny son. "May be," he replied quietly.

"He's just testing us," Sam said.

"Well I wish he wouldn't," Dean let out a long sigh and turned back to angrily chopping vegetables. "Damn Winchester stubborn streak."

Sam smiled at his brother and turned towards the bassinet. He had heard small snuffling sounds coming from inside and wanted to try and head off the loud wails that usually followed knowing that Dean was still dangerously close to breaking point. Sam carefully lifted their now wide-awake son into his arms cradling Callum against his chest. "Sssshh," he soothed as he gazed down at the tiny baby. Sam loved holding their son always marvelling at the feel of the tiny warmth cradled in his arms. So vulnerable, trusting and innocent. Sam didn't even feel jealous that, like Stephen, it looked like Callum was going to favour Dean in looks right down to the speckling of freckles across his nose and cheeks. He consoled himself with the fact that may be his children would prefer books and studying to cars and loud heavy rock music. But then again Sam thought that he didn't really care as long as they were happy. Callum stared up at him and screwed up his face letting out a small protesting wail. "Sssshhh," he repeated rocking the tiny baby from side to side. Out of the corner of his eye Sam could see that Dean had turned and was regarding them both with a worried look on his pale face. "He's fine," he assured giving Dean a small smile as he continued to rock their son praying that Callum would take the hint and keep quiet. For once the tiny baby was pacified by the rocking obviously tired by his earlier screaming and closed his eyes shifting and wiggling in Sam's arms.

Sam watched as Dean's whole body seemed to relax and knew that the time was right to approach his brother about his master plan. He took a deep breath. "I was thinking," he murmured as he moved towards Dean.

"Mmmm," Dean answered as he continued to chop the vegetables. "Always a dangerous thing," he quipped. "Geek boy thinking."

"Funny," Sam scowled. "Well.... I was thinking that I could stay home with you and the boys," Sam blurted out. "My Head of Department.. well she has said it would be OK for me to take some time off... and it would help out here." Sam stopped what he was saying as he noticed his brother's shoulders tense and he waited for the explosion of anger he had been expecting and he wasn't disappointed.

Dean threw the carrot he was chopping down and turned glaring angrily at Sam. "You think I aint capable of looking after our sons," he snarled waving the vegetable knife in the air. "I lugged them around for nine months in my belly..... and then spent hours with my damn legs apart giving birth to them... and I ... I can damn well take care of them just fine."

"I know and I didn't say that you couldn't take care of them," Sam said as calmly as he could. He had expected the reaction so tried to keep his temper in check. He rocked the sleeping child in his arms wishing that for once in his life Dean would accept help without a fight. Callum snuffled in his sleep but thankfully didn't wake at Dean's raised voice. "And keep you voice down," Sam nodded his head at their son.

Dean glared at him. "Then why do I suddenly need help?" Dean hissed with a second glare. "I can look after our sons just fine." He knew, deep down, that Sam only wanted to help and knew that his brother hated going to work leaving their sons behind. But a small unreasonable part of him couldn't help thinking that his brother didn't trust him to look after their sons. They had agreed long ago, after Stephen had been born, that as Dean worked from home he would watch their children during the day, saving on child care costs as well as allowing Sam to work full time at the University.

"I know," Sam reassured as he stepped closer to Dean. "But you look exhausted," he leant forward and stroked his fingers down his brother's pale face. "You just had a baby.... you should be resting up and taking care of yourself too."

"You don't trust me?" Dean accused shrugging away from the touch. He knew he was being irrational but he couldn't help himself. He was so tired but he desperately wanted to prove to Sam that he could cope, that he didn't need any help. "You think I'm gonna freak out again."

"You know that's not true," Sam's voice rose a little. "I trust you with my life. I always have and always will .... and I trust you with our sons' lives too."

Dean had the good grace to drop his head with shame. "Sorry," he murmured staring distractedly at his feet.

Sam risked touching Dean's arm. "And I do not think you are gonna freak again," he enunciated each word to get the meaning through his brother's thick skull. At the same time Sam continued to rock Callum in an effort to keep him quiet. He didn't need their son wailing and upsetting Dean even more.

"I'm OK," Dean said tiredly as he looked up at Sam. "Just a bit... a bit tired," he reluctantly admitted.

"So let me help. You don't have to do everything alone," Sam stepped even closer. "And you have nothing to prove to me," he added softly.

"I know," Dean said not a bit surprised that Sam had figured out why he was being so unreasonable and stubborn. "It's .... it's just... I... well you know," he stuttered not able to get the words out. He shrugged in frustration.

"Dean," Sam stepped even closer. "I was there for the good bit," he ran his fingers over one of Dean's hips. Dean shivered at the touch and without thinking pushed into the feel of Sam's fingers on his body. Sam smiled to himself. "Let me help. This way I get to spend time with you and our sons."

"I don't know," Dean said softly looking directly at his brother. "Can we afford it?"

Sam could see that Dean was wavering slightly and decided to press home his advantage. "You know we can," Sam nodded his head. " We have more savings than we have ever had."

"What about Bobby?" Dean asked. "It wouldn't be fair on him... me and you here not doing anything and him working. I've already left him for too long cos of the pregnant stuff," he waved his hand in the air. The fight had drained out of him a week ago. Dean Winchester was running on empty but an inherent trait to be stubborn and protect everyone around him except himself automatically kicked in and the protests and reasons why it wasn't a good idea were starting to bombard his head. But the little voice inside him was getting louder and louder slowly drowning out all of his objections and telling him over and over that Sam was right this time. He needed help. Desperately wanted help. And if he was really honest with himself Dean wanted and needed Sam with him even if it was only for a couple of months.

Sam rolled his eyes. "You and I both know that Bobby won't mind one little bit," he said firmly. "In fact I'm surprised he hasn't suggested it already. And perhaps Bobby could take a vacation too .... go visit his little sister and her family or something."

"May be," Dean bit at his lip. He could feel himself relaxing at the thought of spending time with Sam and their sons. And for the first time since he had given birth Dean felt less tired and more hopeful that he wouldn't fall victim to the dreaded depression.

"And in a couple of months I go back to the University full time and you get to work on your beloved cars.... and may be we could look at some kind of day care for the boys," Sam added.

"I don't know about that," Dean protested. "You and me and Bobby are the only people I trust with them."

"OK... we can discuss that later," Sam placated. "But for two whole months... it will just be me, you and our sons. OK?" Sam could see the light of hope in Dean's expressive eyes and knew, deep inside, that he had won this particular battle. He couldn't help feeling a little bit excited - two whole months with Dean and his beautiful sons.

"I guess," Dean bit at his lip again. "You don't.... don't think I'm gonna freak again?" he asked nervously. Dean knew he was being stupid asking but he had to know. Had to know that Sam trusted him. Had to hear Sam say the words.

Sam stepped closer smiling. He knew that his assurances would be important to his brother so he kept his expression as confident and positive as he could. "No," he said firmly. "I don't think you're gonna freak. But I do think you're tired and this little one aint helping," he nodded towards their tiny sleeping son. On cue Callum snuffled in his sleep and Dean ran a finger down his son's small face. Instead of his normal loud protesting scream, Callum gave a big yawn and snuggled further into Sam's embrace.

Dean gave Sam a small lopsided smile back. "OK," he agreed softly. "We'll do it your way.... for now."

Sam rolled his eyes again as he splayed his hand possessively over Dean's hip rubbing slightly. "I think you're amazing," he whispered. "You've given me the three most important and beautiful things in my life."

"Three?" Dean said puzzled. "Last count we just had two sons."

"Dean," Sam said in exasperation frustrated, and not for the first time, at his brother's total disregard of his own importance in Sam's life. "Stevie. Callum. And you and your love. Dumb ass."

"That's four geek boy," Dean quipped. "And you're such a girl sometimes," Dean countered but gave Sam a pleased smile.

"I know," Sam said sticking his tongue out at his brother. "And I don't care"

"Bitch," Dean countered with another smile.

"Jerk," Sam leaned forward claiming a kiss.

Before Dean could return the kiss Bobby wandered into the kitchen. "Hey," he murmured. "You boys OK?"

"Yeah," Sam replied with a grin squeezing Dean's hip.

"Where's half pint?" Bobby asked as he grabbed a beer out of the fridge.

"In the living room," Sam answered absently. "Reading to his class of bears and various other stuffed animals."

"I guess school's out," Bobby mused. "Cos he aint there now."

"What?" Dean said immediately moving towards the door all his protective instincts immediately kicking in.

"He knows that he doesn't go outside without asking," Sam said reasonably.

"He's two and a half," Dean snapped rushing out of the room. "Everything's an adventure to him. Nothing is dangerous," he shot over his shoulder as he disappeared. Bobby and Sam looked at each other before hurrying after Dean.

Sam took the house while Bobby took the left side of the yard area while Dean raced down the line of the smashed and wrecked vehicles to the right. All three men shouted for the small boy their voices echoing in the silence.

Dean raced down the last line of vehicles frantically looking up and down for his son. He looked up. "Stevie," Dean screamed as he saw his small son toddle out of the open yard gates. Bobby's yard was way out of town, their nearest neighbour being almost two miles away and the road was usually quiet. The yard and house was set at the top of a steep hill and Dean knew that cars and trucks driving the road usually sped up to get over the hill. He closed his eyes against the thought of his son on the road alone.

He ran as fast as his tired legs would carry him towards the gates. His heart pounded and his terror ran through his veins threatening to choke him. "Stevie," he shouted again as he ran through the gates and saw his son in the middle of the road bending over staring at something completely enthralled and oblivious to anything around him. Dean could hear the sound of a truck in the distance, its engine revving as it started its ascent of the steep hill. Dean looked frantically left and right. "Please," he murmured to himself as he started across the road.

Stephen turned and looked towards him. "Daddy," he grinned. "Look," he carefully picked up a small rock from the road showing it to Dean. "Pretty."

All of his instincts cried out for him to shout at his son to stay still but Dean was terrified that his cries would startle and frighten the little boy. He took a deep breath forcing him to keep calm as he continued forward. Out of the corner of his eye Dean saw the truck hit the brow of the hill at speed. Without thinking and his heart pounding loudly in his ears Dean made a desperate grab for his little son. The sound of the wheels screeching, the gears crunching and the brakes whining filled Dean's ears as he somehow managed to get his left arm around Stephen and pull him backwards towards his chest out of harm's way. The child made a loud wailing sound and began to cry loudly as Dean continued to move backwards holding on tightly to Stephen.

Dean felt the rush of air as the truck swerved and whistled by them missing them by inches and not stopping disappearing in a cloud of dust and roaring engine. Ignoring his rage at the action of the driver Dean huffed at the effort but kept a tight hold of Stephen. "It's OK," he soothed as the back of his boot heel hit the edge of the kerb side. Dean could feel himself falling and not thinking of himself, only keeping the thought of protecting his son from hurt in his head, Dean frantically flung his right arm out to stop their fall. Dean grit his teeth against the agonising pain that shot up his right arm and wrist and he could hear the bones crunching. With his left arm Dean held Stephen firmly against his body cushioning the small boy against his chest as he hit the hard ground. Dean's head bounced on the hard ground and he saw stars for a moment as the darkness threatened to overwhelm him. Dean blinked and could vaguely hear Stephen crying and somewhere in the distance Sam's voice. He cursed himself for being so stupid and putting his arm out but his over-riding thought had been Stephen's safety not his own.

"Stevie," Dean struggled to sit up using his left elbow. His small son clung to him, head burrowed in his shoulder and his small hands curled tightly in Dean's shirt, like a life-line. He continued to sob uncontrollably. "It's OK," Dean soothed rubbing his left hand up and down Stephen's back ignoring his own pain. "Sssshhhh," he murmured.

"Dean," Sam dropped to his knees at their side, Callum still cradled in his arms.

Dean blinked at Sam. "He's OK," he muttered. "Just scared the crap outta himself." The pain in his right arm and wrist was making him feel sick and Dean risked a glance sideways and was surprised to see his arm bent at a peculiar angle hanging loosely at his side and it looked liked his wrist wasn't attached to his arm. His fingers had a blueish tinge to them and his whole arm was quickly turning a weird shade of purple, blue and black and was swelling quickly into a large balloon shaped lump. "Can you take him?" Dean nodded at their elder son.

Sam immediately shifted Callum into one arm and pulled Stephen into a hug. The little boy wasn't crying any more just whimpering as he snuggled into Sam's embrace. "Dean," Sam whispered. "You OK?"

"Fine," Dean lied grimacing at the pain lancing up and down his arm. It was a weird feeling of numbness and absolute agony. He closed his eyes against the hurt and leaned back onto his left elbow and tried to breathe through the pain. He shifted slightly trying not to jostle his injured arm. It was then that Sam got a good look at his brother's arm. He shot a glance at Dean and almost immediately noticed his brother's pain filled eyes.

Before Sam could do or say anything Bobby chose that moment to arrive puffing at the effort of chasing after Dean and Sam. "Shit Dean," Bobby said in horror as he noticed the state of the younger man's arm and wrist. He dug in his pocket retrieving his cell phone and started to dial.

"Take Callum," Sam handed the small baby to the older man as he heard Bobby snapping directions and details of Dean's condition into the phone. Sam cuddled Stephen to one side as he pulled his brother against his other side. "Dean," he said suddenly alarmed as he watched the colour drain from Dean's face. Dean's face was then suddenly flushed and Sam could see sweat beading on his skin and knew that his brother was probably going into shock.

"Don't feel so good," Dean gave a lopsided grin which was more a grimace than a smile. The darkness was trying to claim him and he fought against it concentrating on Sam's worried face. "Sammy," he whispered as the pain became too great and he surrendered to the blackness and relief of unconsciousness.

 

**Six weeks later.........**

The beach had long since emptied of the sunbathers and the light was dimming as the sun began to set. Dean looked back up the beach towards the beach house that Bobby had borrowed from a friend for the week. Dean squinted just making out Sam's silhouette as he moved about the house tidying up after their dinner the light flickering as he passed by the candles they had lit.

Dean turned his attention back to the ocean looking out towards the horizon lost in his thoughts. Sitting on the edge of the water he let the small breakers wash over his bare legs. He absently flexed the fingers of his injured arm as he studied the thin red scars that ran up his wrist and forearm, scars from the operation to reconnect his dislocated wrist to his arm. Dean flexed his fingers again pleased that the pain had completely disappeared. He didn't need the strong pain killers any more and he was gradually getting the full range of movement back. Dean knew that he had been lucky not to lose his arm due to the serious breaks he had sustained and he was so glad that the bulky cast and sling that had been his constant companion for nearly six weeks were finally gone and he was just wearing an arm brace for support as a precaution for a few more weeks. Ethan had teased him that he would be setting off metal detectors at airports due to the metal pins and plates in his wrist and forearm but as he still hated flying Dean wasn't too worried.

Dean gazed back towards the horizon. After the heat of the day Dean was enjoying the coolness of the water, his cut-off jeans and t-shirt already soaked with salty water, the sea breeze ruffling his hair. Sam had allowed him to take off his arm brace and he swept his hands in half semi-circular movements through the water making his own small waves. Drawing his legs up he rested his chin on his knees as he wrapped his arms around his shins. Dean let his mind drift as he stared out to sea wiggling his toes and feet in the shallow water.

As often happened when he was alone his thoughts turned to hunting and the life they had turned their backs on. Although Dean had been a hunter for most of his life he had no regrets at leaving the life behind. He had everything he had ever wanted, everything he had always denied himself because of the hunt. He had Sam. He had the family he had craved for so long. And he was loved and needed.

As usual when his thoughts turned to hunting Dean thought about their father and that always made him sad. Sad that John would never know his grandsons and experience the simplicity of their love. The night their mother had been killed changed all of their lives forever. Dean and Sam had their childhood stolen and John Winchester had lost himself to demons, his obsession and the hunt. And Dean was determined that his sons would have the childhood that Sam and he should have had. No-one was taking Callum and Stephen's childhood from them. Dean sighed to himself eventually smiling as his thoughts turned to Sam and their life together.

They were deliriously happy and Dean loved Sam with all his heart sensing that he would never ever be lonely again and he had a feeling that Sam felt the same. It made Dean feel warm and fuzzy inside but hell would freeze over before he admitted it to anyone. For the first time in his life Dean Winchester felt truly content and happy with his life.

Sam leant on the door frame gazing at his sleeping sons. Stephen was laying on his stomach on top of the comforter. One small arm was cuddled as usual around his favourite bear and one leg was half hanging off the bed. Sam smiled to himself - for some reason known only to his eldest son, Stephen was wearing his bright red wellington boots with his pyjamas. "Probably thinks the tide is coming in," Sam thought to himself as he moved over to the bed and gently rolled his son back into the centre of the bed. He carefully pulled the comforter out from under the small body and covered his son up, boots as well not having the heart to remove them. Stephen shifted and murmured in his sleep but didn't wake. Sam leant down and kissed his son. "Sleep tight," he whispered as he turned towards the crib in the corner of the room. Callum was asleep on his back his arms over his head. His small legs twitched as he dreamed and Sam watched his tiny son making fists with his hands every now and again. At four weeks old Callum had suddenly given up his incessant screaming and settled into a routine that they could all live with. Now at eight weeks old he still wasn't as easy as Stephen to look after but Callum nonetheless was a happy, if sometimes noisy, baby. Sam fiddled with the baby's blanket making sure that his small son was warm and comfortable enough. He propped the tatty stuffed dog, a present from Stephen, up at the end of the crib to guard their baby. Again he leaned down and kissed his baby's forehead. "Sweet dreams," he whispered to both his sons as he turned out the light in the room. He left the door ajar.

Sam ambled back into the family room which also served as a dining room and looked out the window searching the beach for Dean. As he peered into the dimness his thoughts turned to six weeks previously when Stephen had nearly been run over outside the salvage yard. He shuddered at the thought but Dean had been hurt smashing his wrist and arm as he saved their son from a speeding truck.

Dean had spent five hours in surgery having his wrist re-attached to his broken arm and then a further week in the hospital being treated for his wrist and arm as well as the anaemia caused by the birth and Dean not taking his prescribed iron pills. Sam had been so angry with Dean over the pills and Ethan had confirmed that some of the tiredness that his brother had been experiencing was mostly likely due to the anaemia. He had wanted to shout at Dean but one look at the misery and pain on his brother's face had made the angry words die instantly on his lips. Instead Sam had carefully taken Dean into his arms until his brother had fallen asleep cradled safely in his embrace. Ethan had finally released Dean into his care and they had spent a couple of weeks taking things easy and enjoying being with their sons.

Out of the blue Bobby had then suggested a week at the coast. Dean had to be persuaded but Sam had finally gotten his way by using bribery and his puppy dog eyes and they had set off in a small procession. Dean, Sam and their family in the Impala with Bobby following in his truck. It had taken three days but they had all enjoyed being back on the road. And for the first time in as long as Sam could remember Dean was relaxing and enjoying himself. Sam smiled as he remembered the day they had just spent on the beach with their sons building sand castles and paddling in the warm water. Callum had loved it and kicked his little legs hard enjoying the splashing sound. He and Dean had then sat and watched as Stephen, with all the Winchester stubbornness and tenacity, spend two hours happily trying to fill up the moat around their castle with his bucket. They had both laughed at the look on their son's face every time he returned with his bucket full of sea water to find the water had disappeared. It had been a good day. May be it wasn't the kind of normal that Sam had always craved but it was their normal and that was more than enough for him. Sam Winchester was a happy and contented man.

Sam shook his head bringing himself back to the present. He searched the beach for Dean again. He smiled. Dean was sitting on the edge of the ocean letting the breakers wash over him. He was staring into the distance watching as the sun set over the horizon, the oranges and yellows melting into the blueness of the ocean.

Sam hurried to their bedroom, shed his jeans quickly pulling on his own cut-down jeans and t-shirt. Sam could hear the television and the canned laughter of the comedy that Bobby was watching. He called out to Bobby telling him where he was going before he closed the door behind him knowing that the older man would keep an ear out for the children for a while. Sam jogged down to the water's edge. The air was still warm but the cool breeze felt good against his skin.   Sam sat down next to Dean nudging his shoulder. "Hey," he whispered. "Mind if I join you?"

Dean glanced sideways smiling at Sam nudging his shoulder back. "Pull up a bit of sand."

Making himself comfortable on the sand Sam entwined his fingers with Dean's and they sat hand in hand watching the ocean and the sunset in silence as the waves gently lapped over their legs.

"The boys OK?" Dean finally asked. Sam chuckled at the words as he squeezed Dean's hand. "What?" Dean turned to stare at Sam puzzled by his brother's reaction.

Sam chuckled again. "Dude. That sounds so....... so well.... normal."

"I like it," Dean admitted with a small shrug before turning back to stare at the ocean. "Even if it does make me sound," he pulled a face. "Normal."

"Me too," Sam nudged Dean's shoulder again. "And they are both dead to the world. Must have been all that sand castle building," he smiled again at the memories they had made and shared during the day. "And Stevie even has his wellington boots on in case the tide reaches up to the house," he smiled.

"Always pays to be prepared," Dean quipped. "Have to get a picture... and you know torture him with it when he's older." He grinned at Sam happily.

"Yeah," Sam agreed with another smile.

"Bobby OK?" Dean asked.

"Yeah he's watching tv. Said he's gonna head out in a while," Sam replied. "It'll take him a couple of hours tops to get to his sister's house .. and then he'll come back next Saturday and drive home with us." Sam was glad that Bobby was finally going to visit his sister. It made him feel less guilty about the visit that Bobby had postponed earlier in the year mainly due to Dean's pregnancy.

Dean nodded. "They're never gonna know," he said softly as he continued to stare out to sea.

"Know what?" Sam asked puzzled.

"Stevie and Callum are never gonna know," Dean turned to Sam a resolute expression on his face. "What's out there... what's hiding in the dark," Dean explained. "They're having a childhood..... and a proper life free of all the creepy ass stuff."

"Dean," Sam sighed. "Yes I agree. They are gonna have the childhood we didn't. But you and I both know that we can't protect them forever... and I don't just mean from the supernatural stuff .... I mean all the other stuff too."

Dean shot Sam a mulish look. "We can try," he interrupted determined.

"Dean," Sam said with another small sigh. "We'll protect them with our lives but we can't hide the bad stuff from them. We have to let them learn.. let them grow. That way they'll be stronger and more prepared to face what's out there."

"May be," Dean bit at his lip. He knew, deep down, that Sam was right but he couldn't bear the thought of his sons hurting or hurt. He sighed and squeezed Sam's hand. "And they're both Winchesters.... so that counts for something."

"Yeah and there's no may be about it," Sam said equally determined. "And we will face everything together," he gave Dean an accusing glare. "No going it alone. Thinking we can do it alone. We're in this parent stuff together. OK?"

Dean stared at Sam for a moment seeing the look of determination in his brother's eyes and expression. "OK," he conceded. "We do it together."

"Damn straight," Sam mimicked a favourite saying of Dean's.

Dean gave a small chuckle. "Dude. You can be so fierce sometimes," he teased. "My fierce Sammy," he smiled.

"You aint seen nothing yet," Sam cocked his head to one side regarding Dean silently.

"My Sammy." It wasn't really a question more a statement because Dean already knew the answer.

Sam gave a small nod. "My Dean," he said. "All mine."

Dean cocked his head to one side mimicking Sam's action. "Possessive Sammy," he teased with a waggle of his eyebrows.

"Takes one possessive bastard to know another," Sam retorted with a laugh as he pulled Dean into his arms. "I love you Dean," he murmured as he stroked a hand over his brother's face.

"Sammy," Dean leaned over claiming Sam's lips in a tender kiss. "Love you too."

Sam pushed Dean onto his back returning the kiss with passion, desire and need. Sam rolled on top of Dean claiming his lips hungrily as he stroked his hands down the sides of Dean's face. Dean wrapped his arms around Sam moaning softly in the back of his throat as Sam pushed his tongue into his mouth exploring. Their tongues met and they licked and sucked at each other as they rolled in the shallow water their hands caressing each other gently. The wet sand beneath them shifted as they moved the indentations of their bodies disappearing as the next wave washed over them rushing towards the end of their journey amongst the sand, rocks and shells of the beach. The deafening sound of the ocean surrounded Sam and Dean as they moved against one another in a gentle rhythm that matched the eddy and fall of the waves that encircled and washed over them.

Lost in their passion for each other neither man noticed that the tide was slowly turning. The small breakers had turned into bigger waves which surged towards the beach, the white frothy spray splashing over Dean and Sam as they kissed, touched and thrust against one another.  A large wave built up and crashed its way towards the beach. Dean went under the water first rapidly followed by Sam. Coughing Sam pulled a spluttering Dean from under the waves. Sam hauled Dean to his feet and they ran up the beach a little way before collapsing to their knees breathless.

They looked at each other and burst out laughing as they took in the bedraggled appearance of the other. "It always looked so romantic in the movies," Sam laughed as he pushed Dean's soaking wet hair away from his eyes. Dean snorted as he returned the favour with Sam's hair. Sam pulled him close claiming his lips again in a kiss. He could taste the salty water on his brother's lips and deepened the kiss. Dean leaned into the kiss wrapping his arms around Sam massaging his hands up and down his back.

"OK," Dean reluctantly pulled away nearly laughing at the disappointed look on Sam's face. "I'm done with sand and the ocean for today. Let's take this party somewhere else."

"Like our nice big bed?" Sam asked hopefully.

"Oh yeah," Dean breathed as he pulled Sam to his feet. They tried to hurry back to the beach house but kept stumbling and tripping as their bare feet sank into the soft deep sand. They giggled as they half carried one another back to the house.

They met Bobby on his way out to his truck and giggled like a couple of silly teenagers at their friend. Bobby just rolled his eyes, patted them each on the back and told them to behave and that he would see them in a week. Arms wrapped around each other they had waved Bobby off on his journey. Then they had gone into the house, locked up, checked the protection, checked on their children so Dean could kiss them both goodnight, turned on the baby monitor in both their son's and their room and headed towards the shower together.

Sam pulled Dean out of the shower into his arms. Leaning forward he wrapped his arms around Dean showering small kisses all over Dean's face. Moving down, he licked at the water droplets nestled in Dean's shoulder blade. Dean sighed in appreciation as he rubbed himself against Sam's damp skin. Dean pulled back looking up at Sam. "I love you so much," he murmured.

Sam smiled. "Gonna prove it?" he teased lightly. He desperately wanted Dean but didn't want to force his brother. They hadn't been intimate with each other, except for cuddling and kissing, since Callum's birth and although he was impatient for them to make love he didn't want to push Dean until he was ready.

"May be," Dean teased back as he kissed Sam gently on the forehead. He missed their intimacy. They had cuddled, kissed and made out but they hadn't had sex for what seemed like an age. Dean had been sore for much longer after Callum's birth than Stephen's and hadn't really felt like making love. Dean knew his brother wanted more but was patiently waiting until he was ready. And tonight he was ready.

Dean smiled to himself and blew on Sam's dampened skin. He got the reaction he was hoping for and smiled again. Sam shivered slightly as Dean's hot breath danced across his skin. Dean swiped his tongue up Sam's neck to the base of his ear. Sam groaned in enjoyment as he exposed his neck encouraging Dean to lick and suck at the tendons.

"Dean," Sam groaned as he claimed Dean's lips in a slow languorous kiss. With a grin Dean took hold of Sam's arms dancing them slowly towards the bedroom, their lips still joined in the kiss, their hands exploring the other's skin and body.

Breathless they pulled apart. Still enfolded in each other's arms they stared at one another seeing and recognising the desire that was reflected in the other's expressive eyes. With a small smile Sam climbed onto the bed pushing the comforter down to the bottom with his feet. He opened his arms towards his brother. Dean smiled back as he moved eagerly into Sam's waiting arms.

They lay on their sides facing each other drinking in the sight of the other's nakedness. Sam began to run his finger idly along Dean's shoulder down his arm to his waist, tracing a path up over his hip, thighs and legs. "You are so beautiful," he murmured as he traced his finger back up along Dean's body. He moved his hand and rubbed circles on Dean's now flat stomach.

"Oh God," Dean sighed giddy with arousal. He leaned forward claiming Sam's mouth as he ran his own hand up and down Sam's muscled body. "I am so lucky to have you." He moved his hand to Sam's groin rubbing at his cock until it hardened and lengthened in his hand. Sam thrust forwards whimpering at the sensations coursing through his body. Dean squeezed gently as he ran his thumb over the slit already leaking with pre-cum. Sam groaned in ecstasy as he bucked forwards into Dean's hand again. "Like that?" Dean teased as he captured Sam's lips once again in a kiss.

Sam nodded before shifting slightly. He moved his hand downwards lightly running his fingers over Dean's half hard cock eliciting a loud moan as Dean thrust his tongue into his mouth. "Like that?" Sam teased as he pulled back from the kiss massaging Dean's cock to full hardness.

They grinned at each other happily before joining their lips in another kiss, their need and desire seeming to overwhelm both men. Their love making was almost desperate as they rocked their hips against each other kissing long, deep and hard as their hands jerked one another's cock in tandem. Sam released Dean's cock and lips smiling at the small whimper that Dean made at the loss. He hauled himself up straddling Dean's legs. Sam smiled at Dean as he dived down for a kiss biting and sucking at Dean's lips.

Dean bucked upwards his body arching as it left the bed. Both men groaned as their cocks touched once again. Hard and wet with pre-cum, they slid against the other easily building up a friction that had both men groaning with unbridled desire and passion. They rubbed and bucked against each other, their hips gyrating in a slow rhythm, as their passion built to a crescendo, their names whispered in love and affection. It had been so long that they both knew that this first time wouldn't take them long to reach their climaxes.

"Come for me," Sam whispered encouragement into Dean's ear his hand squeezing Dean's cock hard. "Let me see you come."

The husky voiced request finished Dean off. "Sammy," he squeezed his eyes shut arching his body off the bed as he felt his cock throb over and over as his semen pumped between their sweat sheened bodies. With a last thrust upwards Dean sunk into the bed breathing hard his climax having overtaken him. He opened one eye grinning up at Sam. "Your turn," he shifted rubbing his thigh against Sam's penis.

Sam groaned loudly as he began to pump his cock against Dean's damp and flushed skin. Dean was whispering to him as he rubbed his hands up and down his back. Cool hands touched his ass and a finger stroked over his opening. Sam pumped harder as a wetted finger entered him. Sam felt himself falling towards his orgasm as his balls lifted from his body. He cried out Dean's name as he came hard and long his cock shooting his seed and mixing with Dean's on their stomachs, thighs and legs.

As his orgasm abated Sam slumped down on Dean breathing hard as his brother scattered soft kisses all over his face. Catching his breath Sam shifted them both until they were facing each other again. Grabbing an earlier discarded t-shirt he wiped them clean before wrapping his arms and legs around Dean possessively.

"Mmmm," Dean murmured sleepily dragging the comforter up over them. He snuggled into the warmth.

"Was that a good mmmmm..... or an OK mmmmm?" Sam asked as he kissed Dean's forehead. Dean shifted cuddling closer.

"A mind shattering when can we do it again mmmmm," Dean mumbled pushing even closer into Sam's embrace. "Missed us making love."

"Me too," Sam admitted. They lay in contented silence, their legs and arms entwined luxuriating in the afterglow of their love making, savouring the warmth and security they felt with one another, the sounds of the ocean lulling them towards sleep. A little snuffling cry in the baby monitor disturbed the peace of their room and both men snapped open their eyes.

"Your turn," Dean mumbled.

"Since when is it my turn?" Sam rolled over preparing to get up.

"Dude. Since you tired me out by ravishing me, having your wicked way and seducing me," Dean mumbled sleepily but there was a small grin on his face.

"And you're tired," Sam quipped as he turned and gave Dean a quick kiss. "OK. You get a free pass this time ... but next time it is definitely your turn."

"Deal," Dean snuggled under the comforter.

Sam sighed and pulled his robe over his nakedness. He looked back at Dean sprawled across their bed his eyes closed. He didn't really mind getting up for either of their sons and he knew that Dean didn't either. It was just another part of their normal to argue who's turn it was. And Sam Winchester wouldn't have it any other way.


	4. Candy Canes and Christmas Trees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean, Sam, their sons and a Christmas story!

Dean Winchester took another deep breath trying to calm himself. He could feel his panic rising and was desperately trying to control it from overwhelming him. As usual for some reason he would never be able to explain to anyone, even Sam, Dean felt self conscious, nervous and totally out of place in the University. This was Sam's world and Dean, as much as he loved Sam, would never feel comfortable here. School and books had never been his thing and although Dean wasn't a stupid man being surrounded by education and learning made him feel uneasy. He would much rather face down a supernatural being than have a conversation with one of Sam's colleagues always afraid that he would say something stupid or not know what they were talking about. Dean was always terrified that he would let Sam down in front of his colleagues so he mostly avoided the University only visiting when he absolutely had to. Even on occasions when he picked Sam up from work he chose to wait outside in the Impala.

Dean shivered slightly. He was standing at the back of a long queue behind other parents in the hallway of the University wondering how Sam had talked him into attending the Christmas party for the children of the staff of the University. He hated this type of party with a vengeance but he was here because it was important to Sam, because his brother was keen for Callum and Stephen to attend. Sam had looked so hopeful that Dean couldn't refuse his brother and had been rewarded with a happy loving smile and a promise of a night to remember. Dean smiled to himself remembering why he had agreed to attend making a mental note to collect on Sam's promise.

They had agreed to meet at the party as Sam's boss had called him in early to sort out some kind of paperwork emergency. Dean hadn't minded as he was really proud of Sam watching his brother work his way up to deputy in charge of the English department which kept him extremely busy but Sam loved it and Dean knew he was happy. And if Sam was happy Dean was happy.

Dean blew out a silent breath and did what he always did to calm himself - he focussed on their children. He looked down at his youngest cradled in one arm. Still small and tiny for his age the baby looked delicate, innocent looking and completely adorable in Dean's biased opinion. Dressed in his navy blue all-in-one anorak suit which was still too big for his small body four month old Callum Winchester was fast asleep with a thumb jammed contentedly into his small mouth. He twitched in Dean's arms every now again as he dreamed.

Dean turned his attention away from Callum and glanced down at his eldest son who was hanging onto his free hand as though his small life depended upon it. Under his other arm clutched tight to his small body he carried his ever present and faithful teddy bear. Dean frowned. Three year old Stephen Winchester looked terrified as his pale eyes looked up and down the hallway. "You OK Stevie?" Dean whispered squeezing his eldest's hand hoping that he hadn't transferred his own fear of the surroundings to his son. Dean cursed himself for his stupidity and forced his inner panic deep down inside him. He didn't want Stephen to be frightened of something Sam loved because of his own stupid insecurities and feelings towards the University.

Stephen looked up at him regarding him with large green eyes that were so like his own that it was slightly spooky. The little boy nodded but remained silent and Dean noticed that he tightened his grip on his bear even more. "It's OK Stevie," Dean murmured hoping that his eldest would calm down when they got into the main hall. "Daddy will be here in a moment," he said hoping that Sam would appear very soon before both he and his sons ran screaming from the building. Stephen nodded again but continued to look around at the other people, his eyes still full of fear and anxiety. Bravely he let go of Dean's hand and hugged his bear tightly to his small body but Dean noticed that his son leaned slightly against his jean-clad leg as if searching out comfort. Strangely enough, the feel of his son's warm body against his leg and the small warm body in his arms soothed Dean and he smiled to himself.

An officious looking woman in an expensive looking black tailored suit with a clip board under her arm walked up to him followed by a tall student dressed as an elf. The woman looked down her nose at Dean sniffing slightly as if his presence offended her. Dean immediately disliked her and resisted a strong temptation to punch her or let Callum throw up on her neat black suit. Dean grinned despite himself at the thought. The woman glared at him. "My name is Amanda Forbes and I'm Professor Anderson's personal assistant," she gave him a hard look. Professor Anderson was Sam's new boss and had only been at the University for two months. The Professor had been responsible for Sam's promotion so Dean was determined to be polite despite his natural and immediate urge to dislike her. He was here for his sons. For Sam.

"And you are?" she glanced at her clip board briefly before looking up at Dean again. She gave him another hard look, one that seemed to scream that she hoped that he had come to the wrong place and didn't belong here.

"Stephen and Callum Winchester," Dean answered happy that he managed to keep the waver out of his voice.

She scanned her clip board again. "Ahhh yes. Sam Winchester's party," she made a mark on the paper.

"Family," Dean interrupted with a polite smile. "Sam Winchester's family," he repeated for good measure idly wondering what the woman would do if he told her that Sam was his brother and he had actually given birth to both their sons. He smiled again to himself sorely tempted. "I'm his partner... and these are our sons," he said instead.

Amanda scowled at Dean. "Of course," she sniffed in disdain tapping her pen on the clip board. Dean bristled knowing that the woman was judging them, judging their relationship. Their family. The urge to punch her rose up again. "The little one," she nodded her head at Callum. "Can stay with you," she waved a well manicured hand at the elf. "Your other son needs to go with Harry here."

"What?" Dean snapped his head up glaring at the women. It was then he noticed that other elves were leading children into the hall leaving the parents with babies in arms. "No way," he said tightening his hold of Stephen. His son was already frightened for some reason and he didn't want to let him out of his sight. Dean glanced at the elf who was shifting from one foot to the other nervously.

Without warning the woman leaned down to Stephen's level. Dean felt Stephen shift behind his leg. "You need to go with Harry or else Santa won't be able to find you," she said. She looked up at Dean. "The children are sitting at tables at the front. The parents are sitting at the back. It's quite safe.... and all organised," she said in a tone that made Dean feel like he was five years old. He glared at Amanda bristling with anger at her tone and haughty demeanour.

Before he could reply Dean felt his leg being gripped tightly by his son and looked down. Stephen was looking at the woman suspiciously and was moving slowly further and further behind Dean's legs his hand gripping the folds of the jeans. Dean put his hand on his son's head trying to reassure the little boy through touch. Stephen looked up at his father and then at Amanda again.

Oblivious to the mistake she was about to make, Amanda reached her hand out towards the little boy. "Now you wouldn't want Santa not to be able to find you... would you?" she asked as her fingers touched Stephen's arm. Nothing in her tone was reassuring and she didn't smile. Dean doubted that the woman ever smiled.

Dean heard Stephen whimper as the little boy moved even further behind his legs. It had all happened so fast that Dean hadn't had the time to slap the woman's hand away from his son. But Dean was about to make up for that lapse. He couldn't believe the stupidity of the woman and making sure that he didn't jog the still sleeping Callum or knock Stephen over, he leaned forwards and whispered in the woman's ear. "If you touch him again I'll forget my Christmas manners and break your arm," he hissed hoping that his son couldn't hear what he was saying not wanting Stephen to be even more frightened than he was at the moment.

Amanda immediately straightened up startled by the venom in the softly spoken words. She quickly recovered her composure scowling nastily at Dean. Dean smirked and out of the corner of his eye he was sure he saw the Harry the elf grin and mouth way to go. His estimation of elves went up a notch. Dean maintained his stare smiling his best charming smile at the woman but the warmth of the smile never reached his pale eyes. They remained cold and threatening. "Well may be," she stammered suddenly nervous again. "He should go with you for now."

Dean leaned forwards again. "No," he said evenly his time is tone conveying that there would be no argument. "He stays with me," he hissed.

Amanda flushed bright red and fiddled with her perfectly combed hair. "May be that would be best," she flustered dismissing the elf with a wave of her hand. The elf saluted Dean with another grin which earned him a glare from Amanda.

Dean smiled at Harry and then turned back to Amanda. "Merry Christmas," he said with a steely smile as he took his son's hand firmly leading him into the main hall. Still seething with barely controlled anger Dean's eyes scanned the room for his brother and felt a stab of disappointment and mild panic when he couldn't immediately spot Sam. Dean sighed to himself and made his way to the back of the room picking out two chairs side by side away from the rest of the neatly lined up chairs. He dumped the diaper bag on one chair and lifted Stephen onto the other chair. "You OK Stevie," he asked gently as he stroked a hand softly down the little boy's face. Stephen was trembling slightly but Dean sensed that he was slowly calming down now he was away from Amanda Forbes.

Stephen gave a small nod and then a very small shake of his head. Dean would have laughed if the situation wasn't serious. Dean pulled Stephen into a hug and kissed the top of his head. Stephen turned towards Dean slightly. "I wanna go home," he whispered.

"I know," Dean soothed feeling exactly the same. "But Daddy would be disappointed if we went home now. "OK?" he gave his son an encouraging smile as he ruffled his blonde hair.

Stephen bit at his lip glancing around the room nervously before looking at Dean again. "OK," he agreed with a small nod hugging the bear close again.

Ten minutes later Dean was feeling much happier. Stephen was much calmer and was standing on the chair next to Dean's leaning against his side. He was quiet but he was no longer trembling something that Dean was relieved about. Callum who was now wide awake was happily blowing bubbles and bouncing slightly on Dean's knees. Dean had gotten both his sons out of their outdoor clothes and was feeling pleased that he had managed it without dropping one of his sons. He may have fought and won against all manner of supernatural beings but it had taken both him and Sam many weeks to master handling two small children at the same time.

With both his sons content for the moment Dean let his eyes wander around the room. It was an impressive room with a high ceiling, a shiny hardwood floor and flamboyant and ornate decoration to all the walls. A row of french windows ran alongside one wall leading out into the impressive and formally laid out gardens.

The room itself had been re-organised and decorated for the Christmas party. Tables had been placed at the front of the room for the children with the chairs at the back of the room for the parents. In front of the tables was a small staging area with a chair, obviously for Santa, and several large boxes containing wrapped gifts for the children. On the left hand side of the room a large buffet table had been set up laden with all types of rich and fancy food. Food that the children probably wouldn't even like and Dean guessed that the buffet had been prepared with the adults in mind and carefully designed to impress.

Seasonal decorations hung from the ceiling and greenery had been positioned at various points around the hall. Dominating one corner of the room, to the side of the small stage, stood the tallest Christmas tree Dean had ever seen. It took up the whole corner and had been decorated in expensive looking identical sized red baubles. Dean cocked his head to one side noticing that the baubles adorning the tree had been carefully placed at exact distances from each other to maintain the symmetry of the tree. Small white lights covered the tree blinking on and off casting shadows across the high ceiling and walls of the hall.

The room was slowly filling up with parents and children and Dean noticed that most of the children had been dressed in fussy party-type clothes with ribbons, bows and what looked like miles of frills. Even some of the parents had gone over the top with their clothes. This was definitely not his kind of party and he doubted that it was Sam's either.

Dean looked down at his own clothes. It had taken him ages to choose what to wear for himself and his sons desperate not to show Sam up. Dean had finally decided on his best pair of dark blue jeans, a pale blue t-shirt and navy over shirt. Stephen was dressed in green corduroy dungarees with a pale green sweater hand-knitted by Missouri which matched the colour of the little boy's eyes. Callum was also dressed in dungarees which were dark blue with a car motif on the bib with a pale blue hand-knitted sweater. Dean brushed at his jeans not able to help feeling scruffy. They didn't belong here but Dean grit his teeth repeating over and over in his head that this was for Sam and his children.

He scanned the room again hoping to see Sam. His eyes rested on the tree again and Dean decided he didn't like the cold and somehow impersonal tree. It was impressive and obviously expensive but it would never beat the six foot tree that sat in the corner of their untidy and cluttered living room.

This year, for the first time, Stephen had taken a real interest in Christmas and they had both encouraged the little boy's enthusiasm and barely restrained awe determined that both their sons would know the happiness and wonder of Christmas and everything it represented for a child. As a result one afternoon had found them all going into the woods beyond the yard to choose their tree. They had made an odd procession with Bobby giving Stephen a piggy back in the lead, several large hunting dogs and Sam and Dean bringing up the rear with Callum. Stephen had fallen in love with a battered looking tree that leant slightly to one side but it had rich green foliage with only a few brownish branches at the bottom. The three adults had pointed out other choices but the little boy had been adamant and bounced up and down excitedly his eyes and face glowing with happiness. He had looked so happy that none of them could resist and Bobby had cut the tree down. Dean smiled to himself at the memory. They had even sung silly Christmas songs at the top of their voices as they hauled the tree back to the yard.

They had then spent the rest of the afternoon decorating the tree with baubles that Bobby produced from the attic as well as some new decorations that Sam had purchased earlier in the week. Still leaning slightly to one side the tree was covered haphazardly in brightly coloured baubles of all different sizes and colours, silver, red and gold tinsel and small trinkets that represented their lives. An small replica of the impala, a row of silver bullets, a glass teddy bear for Stephen, a glass dog for Bobby, a small glass book ornament for Sam and a snowman that Stephen had chosen for Callum. A battered fairy sat proudly on the top of the tree as the vividly coloured fairy lights flashed randomly. Their tree had been decorated with love and Dean knew he wouldn't swap it for anything.

He was jolted out of his musings by his son's happy voice. "Daddy," Stephen said as Sam appeared in front of them.

"Hey," Sam beamed happily at his family. He had been a little afraid that Dean wouldn't turn up but he should have known better. Known that Dean would never let him down. "Well don't you all look handsome," he said as he scooped Stephen up into his arms and kissed his nose. Dean smiled up at Sam recognising the hidden message in the words. Sam approved of what they were wearing, not that Dean, deep down, really had any doubt whatsoever. Sam wasn't a snob and wouldn't care what they wore - what was more important to his brother was that they were here, for him, and with him.

"I wearing my new sweater," Stephen announced proudly. "And so is Callum."

"I can see that dude," Sam smiled kissing his son again. The little boy giggled and hugged his father as Sam slumped down into the chair next to Dean. Stephen clutched a small hand in Sam's shirt laying his head on his father's shoulder. Sam frowned shooting a glance at Dean.

Dean gave a small smile. "I'll tell you later," he mouthed at Sam's frown.

Sam gave a small nod before leaning over and kissing Dean gently. "Sorry it took so long," he said with another smile as he leant down and kissed Callum. The baby looked up at Sam and blew bubbles at this father waving his small hands in the air before stuffing one happily into his mouth.

Dean kissed the top of his youngest's head. "No problem Sammy," he assured. "You're here now," he said letting the relief wash into his tone.

"You OK?" Sam asked Dean knowing that his brother hated coming to the University and hated parties like this with a vengeance. He recognised that if Dean had a choice he would be at home but he was here and Sam knew Dean was only here for him and his sons. The thought made Sam feel warm and fuzzy, made him love his brother even more if that was possible. But he still couldn't help being frustrated at his brother for his inability to see that he was just as smart as the next person. Dean was so confident and self-assured on the outside but his innate insecurities made him doubt himself all the time and it drove Sam nuts. Sam gave his brother's free hand a squeeze smiling at him again.

"I am now," Dean replied with a warm smile squeezing Sam's hand back.

Sam turned his attention back to Stephen. "Don't you want to go and sit with the other boys and girls?" he asked. Personally he hadn't agreed with the plan to separate the children from their parents but he had been out-voted at one of the many planning meetings. But Sam felt that his little son deserved the choice.

"No," Stephen shook his head. "Wanna stay with you and Daddy," he fisted Sam's shirt tightly. Sam frowned again and automatically tightened his hold of his son. He shot a worried glance at Dean.

Dean cursed silently. "It's OK," he mouthed trying to reassure Sam as his mind turned over the options for the slow painful death of Amanda Forbes. Dean had the sudden urge to run but pushed it down deep inside gritting his teeth against the feeling. Sam was here. He was safe.

"Daddy," Stephen whispered tugging on Sam's shirt.

"What's up Stevie?" Sam asked with a smile.

"Will Santa find us?" the little boy asked turning worried green eyes up at his younger father. He hugged his bear close and Sam could see tears forming in his son's eyes.

"What?" Sam asked puzzled. "Of course Santa will find us," he reassured as he shot a glance at Dean. He didn't really understand where the question had come from and made a mental note to ask Dean later.

"Stevie," Dean touched his son's little hand. He had the vain hope that Stephen had missed what the officious woman had said to him earlier but even at three years old his son was smart and extremely perceptive. The little boy's question cemented his earlier thoughts - Dean now really wanted to kill Amanda Forbes for her careless words and it broke his heart to think that his son thought that Santa wouldn't find them "It's OK," he said. "Santa's smart... and he'll find us. "Isn't that right Daddy?" Dean nudged Sam.

Sam took his cue from Dean. "It sure is.... Santa's the smartest person in the whole world," he persuaded. "He's nearly as clever as Daddy is," Sam couldn't help saying shooting a smirk Dean's way. Dean rolled his eyes at his brother.

Stephen looked from Sam to Dean. He scrunched up his little face in thought and bit at his lip wiping at his eyes. "But the lady sayed," he pointed a small finger at Amanda Forbes who was in the middle of making several children move places to fit in with her seating plan. "Santa wouldn't find us."

"Bad fairy," Dean couldn't help whispering in Sam's ear. Sam frowned turning his attention back to his son.

"She sayed so," Stephen insisted still pointing at the woman. A stray tear ran down his little face.

"Said," Sam automatically corrected as he wiped away his son's tear. He hugged Stephen tight as he narrowed his eyes towards Amanda Forbes. He was definitely asking Dean later what had upset Stephen although he could take a good guess. Amanda Forbes was not popular among the staff. She had arrived with their new boss, Professor Anderson, and in the space of two months had alienated nearly all of the department's staff. The woman had the tact and diplomacy of a fully armed tank. It had been the turn of the English Department to organise the Christmas party on behalf of the University and she had completely taken over the planning steam rollering over anyone that stood in her way and as she had Professor Anderson's support she had gotten her way. Sam had tried to protest but had found himself out-voted every time. He frowned as he looked around the room. Too wrapped up in getting to his family Sam hadn't noticed that he didn't recognise the majority of the adults in the room and he sighed. Amanda Forbes had obviously taken it upon herself and invited others, probably local dignitaries and their children, instead of the University staff and their children.

Sam sighed to himself again as he scanned the room. It suddenly hit him and he realised that this was not the kind of Christmas party he wanted his sons to attend. He wanted them to have fun, eat too much candy and play silly party games. This party was stuffy, too organised, too cold and impersonal - just like the tree and the decorations. He had also passed the buffet table on the way to his family and hadn't been able to recognise some of the food to be served. And to top his complete disgust the Christmas tree didn't have a single candy cane hanging from its branches.

"Can we drawed a picture.... so Santa can... can find us," Stephen sniffed interrupting Sam's angry musings pulling back slightly to gaze up at Sam with large hopeful eyes.  Tears still threatened and a second tear escaped running down Stephen's face followed by a third, a fourth and a fifth.   

Sam sensed his brother tense at his son's distress and he put a steadying hand on Dean's thigh having the distinct impression that his brother was about to get up and give Amanda a piece of his mind and probably a punch in the face.    He felt Dean's body relax under his hand and he turned his attention back to Stephen.   Sam wiped away his son's tears.   "Draw," he absently corrected not able to help himself. "And of course we can draw a picture," Sam said hugging his son hard again. "And Uncle Bobby will draw us a map as well..... just in case. So Santa's reindeer know where to come."

"Really?" Stephen whispered.

"Yes really," Dean agreed as he shifted Callum to his other knee bouncing the baby slightly to keep him amused and quiet. He had seen Sam scanning the room, lost in his own thoughts. Dean recognised all the emotions that crossed his brother's face from frustration to sadness to anger to determination but he didn't expect the sudden movement as Sam jumped to his feet Stephen clutched tightly in his arms.

"We're leaving," Sam announced firmly looking back at Dean. He balanced Stephen on his hip and snatched his son's anorak from the back of the chair.

"We are?" Dean said surprised but got to his feet grabbing Callum's anorak and the diaper bag which he hefted over one shoulder. Dean recognised the look on Sam's face. It was his best determined look and it meant that they were leaving, no arguments... and now.

"What about the party?" Dean asked despite himself. He wanted to leave, had wanted to leave the moment he arrived but he needed to know that Sam was sure.

"We'll have our own party at home," Sam decided as he marched towards the door with Dean following. "With Uncle Bobby.... and .... and candy canes. And we'll draw our picture.... and map for Santa ... and sing silly Christmas songs," he babbled as he pushed through the throng of parents, staff and elves. "And then," he turned and leaned closer to Dean. "We're making love under the Christmas tree," he whispered in Dean's ear. Sam blew in Dean's ear making his brother shiver before abruptly turning and stalking towards the exit of the hall.

Dean flushed both embarrassed and pleased at the suggestion. He looked around quickly hoping that no-one else had heard Sam's promise. "Dude," Dean protested as he hurried after Sam. "Slow down... man with baby here," he said as he tried to push unco-operative little legs into the all-in-one anorak suit as he jogged after his brother.

When Dean caught up with his brother in the hallway he had been stopped by Amanda Forbes blocking his way. Dean sighed wondering if the woman ever gave up trying to organise and order people about. "You're leaving," she said disbelieving as she glared up at Sam.

Sam towered over her and Dean had rarely seen his brother use his height to intimidate. He hurried to Sam's side. "Yes," Sam snapped as he set Stephen down on the floor. Dean stepped forward pulling his eldest towards him protectively. Stephen took hold of his hand and Dean squeezed the small hand enveloped in his reassuringly. Dean knew that his brother would never intentionally involve either of their sons in an argument but he had seen the look on Sam's face. Sam was angry and was acting instinctively not really thinking of his surroundings.

"But Professor Anderson, the Dean, some of the other Professors, the Town Mayor and some of the Councillors will be arriving in ten minutes," Amanda continued glancing down at her watch oblivious to the stony look on Sam's face. "And everybody needs to be in their places." Dean rolled his eyes at the stupidity of the woman.

"I don't give a damn," Sam hissed. "My family and I are leaving... and now," he said.

"Your children have allocated gifts," Amanda put her hand on his arm in an effort to stop Sam side-stepping around her. She noticed Dean and glared at him sniffing again as her eyes ran up and down him dismissing him as unimportant and someone to avoid. She sneered slightly before turning back towards Sam. Sam caught the disparaging look and his anger rose another notch. "You wouldn't want to disappoint them.... would you?" Amanda continued still oblivious to the waves of anger emanating from Sam's body.

Sam growled softly in the back of his throat startling both Dean and Amanda. He snatched his arm away from Amanda's grip. Dean pulled Stephen closer. "I would never... ever disappoint my children," Sam snarled. "Dean and my children mean more to me than... than any stupid party," he hissed. "And you can stick.... stick the gifts up......wherever.... you.... you damn well like," he quickly amended his words realising through his haze of anger that young ears were listening.

"Now there's no need to be rude," Amanda patted his arm condescendingly as though she were talking to a five year old instead of an angry six foot five inches tall grown man.

Sam leaned forwards. "If you touch me again... I will... will," he searched for the right words scrunching up his face in thought.

"Break your other arm," Dean helpfully suggested as he leant forwards into Amanda's personal space.

Sam pulled a face at Dean but then turned and grinned down at Amanda sensing that Dean had probably threatened the same thing earlier. "Break your other arm," Sam repeated as he side-stepped the woman, lifted Stephen into his arms once again and marched purposefully down the hallway. Dean could hear Sam's voice loudly explaining to their son the difference between good and bad fairies.

Dean snorted. He turned to Amanda watching as she stared open-mouthed at Sam's retreating back. She had probably never seen the usually calm and polite Sam Winchester so angry and animated before and Dean hoped that she had learned her lesson although he seriously doubted it. "Merry Christmas," Dean smirked as he hurried after his brother, Callum cradled safely in his arms.

**Two hours later.......**

Sam Winchester was a happy man. He was feeling much calmer, his earlier anger having gradually disappeared. His precious family always had that effect on him. Further along the hallway they had met Harry the elf and found themselves invited to a Christmas party that his mother organised in the local church hall for the towns' children. Harry promised that there would be junk food, lots of candy and a Santa who volunteered every year for the job unlike the actor that Amanda had hired for her party. Sam had still been too wound up but Dean had accepted on their behalf. The party sounded like their kind of party and Sam guessed that they would all enjoy themselves.

They had then left the University campus and driven home. On the way Sam had insisted that Dean stop at the local candy store. Leaving Dean and the children in the Impala Sam had spent far too much money on assorted candy, candy canes for their tree, some chocolate for Bobby and two boxes of popcorn.

They had then spent the afternoon cross-legged on the floor with their sons threading popcorn onto cotton and looping it over the branches of their tree. Dean had eaten more than he threaded but Sam didn't care. He was happy. Sam had helped Stephen hang the candy canes and his son had pointed to each cane telling the brothers which one was for who and they both knew that Stephen would remember. They let him eat too much candy and the little boy bounced around the room in barely contained excitement and happiness. They included their youngest as much as they could and he sat on Dean's lap his eyes wide taking everything in. He squealed and bounced grabbing for popcorn and throwing it in the air squealing again as it landed on the floor around them. The room looked like a popcorn and candy cane battlefield but neither of the brothers cared.

As promised they had drawn pictures of their house and Bobby had come back from running errands and was easily persuaded to draw a map for Stephen assuring the little boy that he would mail it to Santa the next day. It seemed to satisfy the little boy and both Dean and Sam hoped that the events of earlier in the afternoon had been forgotten.

As though sensing that they needed to be alone with their children and taking his chocolate Bobby left them in the living room to do research in his own room for a hunter that would be visiting the next day.

The brothers were still sitting cross-legged on the floor by the Christmas tree. They hadn't bothered to turn on the main light instead preferring the lights of the tree to illuminate the cluttered and comfortable room. The small coloured lights twinkled and flashed casting shadows across the walls and ceiling. Sam glanced down. Stephen's sugar rush had finally burnt out and he was fast asleep in Sam's lap his teddy bear cuddled to his small body. Sam ran his hand gently through his son's blonde hair as he murmured in his sleep. Glancing sideways Dean was staring at the tree their youngest in his lap. Callum was also asleep thumb jammed, as usual, into his tiny mouth. "I'm sorry," Dean murmured turning to look at Sam.

"What for?" Sam asked with a puzzled frown.

"For the party," Dean waved a hand in the air. "I know how important it was to you. How you were looking forward to Stevie and Callum being at the party." Dean turned back to stare at the tree as he stroked a finger down his tiny son's face. Callum twitched and murmured but remained fast asleep content in his father's lap.

"Dean," Sam put his hand on his brother's knee encouraging Dean to face him.

"I think I freaked Stevie out," Dean confessed with a worried look at Stephen. "With my stupid... stupid feelings about school and stuff. I'm sorry Sammy."

"Ssshhh," Sam ran his hand gently down Dean's face. "Stevie's fine. We've written to Santa and even drawn a map. It's all forgotten."

"Do you think so?" Dean said a hint of hope in his voice. He ducked his head slightly. "But I'm still sorry about the party."

Sam shook his head in exasperation at his brother. "Dean," he said softly. "You and Stevie and Callum... and hell even Bobby are... are far more important than some damn stupid party. Being with you all is what is important to me.. and always will be. No contest. OK?"

Dean searched Sam's face looking for reassurance. He found it mixed in with love and affection. He gave a small lopsided smile. "I love you Sammy," he whispered. "So much."

Sam smiled back at Dean. "I love you too Dean," he answered squeezing Dean's hand.

Dean got to his feet careful not to wake Callum. "Bedtime for these two," he nodded his head towards the door. "And then it's just you and me... and your promise," he said waggling his eye brows seductively as he headed towards the door.

Sam grinned and pulled himself to his feet cradling Stephen in his arms as he followed his brother out of the room eager to get his children to bed so he could be alone with Dean.

Twenty minutes later the boys were safe in bed and Sam entwined his hand in Dean's as his brother led him back to the living room. Dean set the baby monitor down on the coffee table. He turned to look at Sam who was now sitting near the Christmas tree. Sam held his hand out towards his brother. "Come over here," he whispered.

Dean smiled and flopped down in front of Sam knees touching. "I love you," he repeated as he leaned forwards claiming Sam's lips in a gentle kiss. Sam moaned as he responded deepening the kiss and bringing his arms up around his brother pulling him closer. They lost themselves in the kiss as tongues licked and probed and lips joined in gentle passion. Hands explored the familiar territory of the other's body as they murmured one another's name in soft affection.

As one they drew each other up into a kneeling position in order to get closer to the other. They rubbed against each other as lips were possessed tongues duelling as they explored the warmth of the other's mouth. Breathless and panting slightly they pulled back from the kiss to smile at each other but never let go as hands restlessly caressed up and down and round and round one another's back. Both had swollen lips and flushed faces and they grinned stupidly at each other both full of love for one another. Desperate to taste his brother again Sam pulled Dean closer until their lips touched once again. Kissing fiercely they claimed one another in passion and sudden desperate need.

Hands roamed bodies gently tugging at shirts and t-shirts discarding them to the side as they pressed together naked chest to naked chest. Dean released Sam's lips and dipped down sucking and swirling his tongue around each one of his brother's nipples. They hardened under his touch and Sam groaned throwing his head back as he tensed and arched his back against the wonderful sensation of his brother's tongue on his sensitive flesh. Dean smirked and traced a path with his tongue up his brother's chest to his shoulder and then onto to his neck nipping gently at the pale skin as he went. At the same time Sam continued to rub and circle his hands over Dean's well toned body enjoying the feel of silky skin and taut muscles.

He dropped his hands and slowly unfastened his brother's jeans. He rubbed at Dean's belly gently before dipping his hand downwards fingers glancing across Dean's awakening arousal. He ran a finger along the silky length feeling it harden and thicken under his gentle ministrations. He felt his own cock twitch at the sensations he was evoking in his brother. Sam couldn't resist it - he dropped his free hand stroking himself to full hardness through his jeans. They both moaned in need as they captured each other's mouths again giving themselves over to the desire burning deep within in them both. Necks and shoulders were licked, sucked and tenderly bruised with marks they each would carry with them for the next few days.

With a few muttered curses they wiggled out of their jeans and underwear throwing them on top of the discarded shirts and t-shirts. They knelt gloriously naked in front of each other drinking in the sight of one another's nudity. The twinkling lights of the Christmas tree danced and reflected against their nakedness casting coloured shadows over silky smooth skin. "You are so beautiful," Sam leaned forwards pulling Dean close to him.

"Sammy," Dean moaned as Sam claimed his lips again hungrily.

They pressed their bodies against each other wallowing in the feel of sweat dampened skin against sweat dampened skin as they moved and undulated as one. Hands, tongues and lips probed, massaged and explored every dip, curve and scar of the other's body. They pressed closer and closer as if trying to become one as they rubbed hardened cock against hardened cock. A primal desire took over as they thrust against each other bodies intimately touching moving rhythmically as one.

Without a word of warning Dean flipped Sam onto his back carefully. Sam groaned in ecstasy as Dean lay on top of him slowly grinding their hips together. Lost for words at the wonderful feeling, Sam could only mumble Dean's name over and over as he thrust his hips upwards matching the rhythm Dean had set. Sam licked at Dean's shoulder tracing a path to the base of his brother's neck revelling in the unique taste that was Dean. He smiled to himself at the shiver his brother gave at his touch. Dean leaned forward and captured Sam's lips in a kiss full of passion and promise. Sam groaned again.

With a mischievous grin Dean sat up on Sam's thighs. Sam whimpered in protest at the loss of full body contact. Dean grinned again and pushed and pulled until Sam was leaning back against the couch. He leant forward kissing Sam again as he straddled his brother's thighs. Dean rubbed his cock against Sam's groin sliding the hardness against his lover's cock and balls causing his brother to squeak in pleasure arching his back. "Like that?" Dean asked softly as he wetted his fingers thoroughly. Sam could only nod mutely as he watched Dean through sex-dazed eyes.

Dean lifted up slightly and reached back and using his wetted fingers slowly prepared and opened himself up. Never taking his eyes of Sam and mouthing how much he loved him Dean brought his hands back around and braced them on Sam's shoulders as he positioned himself carefully and sunk slowly down onto his brother's hard length.

Sam groaned loud and long as he held onto Dean's hips guiding his brother down onto his cock. Leaning forward he captured Dean's lips thrusting his tongue in and out matching the rhythm that Dean had started. He held onto his brother massaging his hands all over Dean's sweat sheened back.

"Sammy," Dean moaned as his brother thrust up into his ass. They rocked against each other luxuriating in their sexual intimacy and joining.

Sam traced a finger up and down Dean's flushed skin. "You are so beautiful," he murmured as he propelled his cock upwards filling his brother completely with his hardness.

Dean shivered at the touch. "So are you," he breathed as his hand traced small circle shapes on Sam's flat belly.

Sam ran his finger across the sensitive head of Dean's cock over and over. The sensation was overwhelming him and Dean flung his head back, eyes closed and mouth slightly parted in ecstasy. Sam thought it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He continued to stroke his caresses becoming stronger and stronger as Dean breathed his name. Sam dropped his hand fondling Dean's balls rubbing them between his fingers. Dean groaned his name again and increased his up and down movements indulging in the feeling of Sam's cock deep within him. Sam squeezed Dean's cock hard and ran a finger gently over the leaking head. At the same time he thrust his cock up hard. Dean tensed slightly and cried out Sam's name as his orgasm overtook him. Arching his back he came hard spurting his seed over Sam's belly, thighs and hand. Sam continued to massage Dean's cock encouraging and milking his brother dry. As the wonderful sensations coursing through his body slowly eased off Dean slumped forward onto Sam's chest panting slightly his eyes still closed. Sam stroked his back whispering loving words in Dean's ear.

"Take me," Dean whispered. "I want you now," he said kissing Sam hard and fervently.

Sam groaned as he returned the kiss with the same intensity as his brother. He straightened up slightly taking hold of Dean's hips again. Dean moaned thrusting his tongue in and out of Sam's mouth his hands running up and down his brother's arms. Dean arched his back as Sam thrust up into his body. Dean pressed down forcing his brother deeper and deeper into his body. Encouraged by the small moans escaping Dean's mouth Sam continued to pound up into Dean's ass. He whispered words of love on every upward thrust.

Sam could feel his balls tightening and he frantically pumped his cock in and out as Dean moved his hips up and down in perfect synchronism. Their cries of passion joined together as Sam released his seed deep into Dean's body filling his brother's ass with his warm release. Still joined intimately Sam rolled them slightly until he was on top of Dean. Dean automatically spread his legs wide and Sam thrust his cock up high into Dean's body still in the throes of his climax. He groaned as Dean tightened his muscles milking his cock until it was finally spent. Even then they continued to pound against one another desperate for the pleasurable moment to last forever. With a final groan, Sam slumped forwards onto Dean panting hard. Dean took deep breaths as he caressed his hands through Sam's dark hair and down his back as he waited for his lover to calm his ragged breathing.

Dean relaxed his legs as Sam reached down and carefully removed his softening cock from his brother's body. He grabbed his t-shirt and cleaned them up as best he could. He then grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch and threw it over them both as he rolled Dean until they were laying side by side legs entwined. They lay together close to their Christmas tree silently luxuriating in the afterglow of their love making and the twinkling lights of their tree giving one another the occasional soft loving kiss.

Dean shifted and looked up at Sam. "Santa would have a shock ... and an eye full if he came early," he joked.

Sam snorted pulling Dean closer. "No-one else is ever seeing you naked... not even Santa," Sam retorted.

"Dude. Possessive much," Dean accused as he snuggled closer to Sam's warmth laying his own possessive hand and arm across Sam's belly.

Sam snorted again. "Sweet for my sweet," he teased snagging a candy cane from the bottom of the Christmas tree.

"You are such a girl," Dean quipped but accepted the candy cane sucking on it hard. He shifted slightly looking up at the tree. "Dude. You gave me your candy cane," he murmured.

"I know," Sam kissed Dean gently pulling his brother closer. "You're everything to me...... so you get to have my candy cane."

"You can't have mine," Dean teased earning himself a dig in the ribs from Sam. "OK. OK," he laughed lightly in surrender returning Sam's kiss with one of his own. "My candy cane is your candy cane," he reached up snagging his own brightly coloured cane and offering it to Sam with a smile.

Sam smiled back accepting the candy. "And you say I'm a girl," he teased.

"Jerk," Dean sucked on his candy cane again.

"Bitch," Sam retorted swiping his tongue up the candy cane.


End file.
